How dumb do companies think we are? From the looks of the warning labels they slap on their products, they must believe we're complete morons!

Here, we've collected some of the most ridiculous advice from smartypants manufacturers:

•Sleeping Pills -- Caution: May make you drowsy.

•Lighters -- Contents flammable.

•Dog Shampoo -- The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

•Shampoo -- Intended for use on hair only -- not eyes.

•Stroller -- Remove infant before folding for storage.

•Curling Iron -- Not for internal use.

•Microwave Oven -- Do not use for drying pets.

•Child's Playhouse -- This is not a toy.

•Toilet Bowl Cleaning Brush -- Do not use orally.

•King Size Mattress -- Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.

•Can of Insecticide -- This spray is harmful to insects.

•Firecrackers -- Do not light while holding in mouth.

•Fat-Free Potato Chips -- May cause anal leakage.

•Peanut Butter -- Warning: May contain nuts.

•TV Dinner -- Remove plastic wrap cover before eating.

•Batteries -- Do not swallow. C or D batteries may cause choking.

•.22-Caliber Rifle -- May cause injury or death.

•Hardware Store Rotary Drill -- This product not intended for dental purposes.

•Hemorrhoid Suppositories -- Remove aluminum wrapping before insertion.

•Disposable Diapers -- Dispose of after use.

•Electric Cattle Prod -- For use on animals only.

All that is just to prevent morons from sueing the companies. Some of these are funny as hell though.

A bottle of peanut oil--may contain peanuts

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Jarlaxle Baenre
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RIP E. Gary Gygax 1938-2008

As sad as the warning labels are, you can bet that every one of them is there because some moron actually did them, and then sued. And some lawyer took the case.

I got one for you...a package of bologna shaped bubble gum that says..."for greatest freshness, open and chew all contents." 7 Bologna shaped pieces of gum, my kids would have taken that literally!!!

Decal on rotary lawn mower:

DO NOT PUT HANDS IN ROTATING BLADE.

But the one I like BEST is:

If an erection lasts longer than four hours, call your doctor.

Yeah RIGHT!

And what would one say to their doctor?
Thanx?

And what partner would even consider LETTING someone in that situation get anywhere NEAR a phone to make such a call? I'm thinking they'd be inclined to seize the opportunity to over indulge. And I can't help wondering just how MANY doctors really get those calls.
Up, down. Up, down. Up, down.
Dang elevators kept me awake all night!
Oh, happy day (or night --- as the case may be).

And they tell us to consult a doctor to determine if we're up to having sex.
So, I did that.
Well!
Y'all should have heard what a doctor told ME when I asked him if I could have sex. And he scolded me about what he called the crime against nature, and said HE wasn't THAT kind of a guy, and suggested I find a female doctor.



Then, there are the signs, like

NO DOGS ALLOWED
Except Seeing Eye Dogs.

That's all fine and dandy, but what I want to know is,..........
WHO reads that sign?
The seeing eye dog, or the blind guy?

**I suspect it would be the seeing eye dog because otherwise, the sign would be in Braille.
Just my guess.

Remember folks, if a product causes severe side effects, discontinue using.

One pill makes you larger, and
One pill makes you small
But the ones that mother gives you
Don't do ANYthing, at all

Go ask Alice
I think she'll know
When logic and proportion
Have fallen far below

Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall,..................

Remember what White Rabbit said
KEEP YOUR HEAD.
KEEP YOUR HEAD.

Jefferson Airplane

Far out, man.

Now the DOC wouldn't take a hammer to anything like that would he?

__________________

Here's Your Sign!!!

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Your Trucker - Love Him, Support Him, Be Proud Of Him And Always Have His Back

,OUCH!!!!!