Thanks for writing this, Cybergal. It has prompted me to tell a little bit about my childhood, if you don't mind.

I grew up in a family of four, mom, dad, and my brother and me. My father is a raging alcoholic, and spent every moment that he wasn't at work with a beer can in his hand. He and my mother would fight about trivial things when we were little, nothing violent, just alot of yelling back and forth. They were also big time gossipers and always sure that everyone was against them and always doing them wrong as if they deserved to be treated better than the next person. These traits became my own as I grew because I didn't know any other way.

As my brother (who is 3 years older than me) became a teenager, my father's anger became centered on him. These fights would include punches and all kinds of physical violence. They continued to be at each others throats until my brother got a scholarship to college and moved out. Then my father, who had never ever said a cross word to me, turned his anger towards me in the same way. I was crushed, and I did alot of things that I wish I hadn't in response.

I began to stay out for days at a time at 16, and use drugs and drink like a fish. I would cling to anyone that would show me the smallest bit of effection, and therefor became a father at 17. Then, I started to show the other signs of being abused, I started to abuse. I NEVER hit my girlfriend or daughter, but I became extremely controlling. That caused my relationship to fizzle away, and I really didn't care at that time. I moved back home and the fighting there started again.

One night, my father came at me and I did the only thing I knew to do and I cracked him with a strong right hook. This required my father to seek medical treatment. I was arrested on a charge of Domestic Violence and sent to the juvenille home. At my court hearing, I was given house arrest for 60 days and probation for 1 year. I made up my mind right there that I had to change my life. I stopped using drugs and drinking cold turkey. I got a new girlfriend and things where really going well. I went to my final probation hearing and was released from probation as scheduled.

All was good for about another 2 months until my father got real drunk on this one night and took a swing at my mother. I had no choice but to intervien. Once again, my father called the police and insisted that I had attacked him and had threatened to kill him. I was once again arrested. This time I was 18 and was sent to the county jail. My girfriend and her parents (who had known my family for over 15 years) bailed me out and moved me in with them. I went to court facing up to 6 months in jail and $1500.00 in fines. I got off pretty lucky and got another year of probation, $500.00 in fines and 24 hours of community service.

Years past and I continued to better myself and then I met my wife Jacquie. She showed me for the first time in my life what real unconditional love is. We married on November 23 2002. Since then I have given up even casual drinking (haven't touched the stuff in 4 years) and have become an extremely caring person for all of those around me, even my father, who is still an alcoholic and is convinced that he doesn't have a problem.

I hope you don't mind my writing all of this. This is the first time that I have ever shared the whole story with anyone (even my wife doesn't know all of it). Maybe it will help others to share their story.

My father was a typical Swiss Military man... very much like the stereotype American Marine personality.

My mother would make excuses for my father - and try to keep us busy and out of his way.


very little emotion was ever shown except for anger and a strictness that my American born friends could not believe.


we grew up with ZERO b.s. - and were never allowed to "just be kids" -

I think it had a toll that played out as an adult.

when I got out on my own after college I went out of control for a few years and bought all sorts of crap I always wanted... I suppose I was trying to play catch up for all the things I missed out on.

my sister rebelled by marrying young to someone who my parents disapproved of. (strongly).

I suppose getting my CDL was a way for me to rebel too. I used it to counter my formal education and to show my parents that THEY were wrong and that college was not the only path to happiness. This anger is probably what got me through the horrible trainer I had - and the grit and grime and pain of being OTR for Dick Simon.


dunno cybergal - you are not alone - the same style of dysfunction manifest itself in many forms and it all takes a toll on the kids.

I never played with drugs or got into much legal trouble - but I did drink like nobody ever in college and had to really find my center on my own.
It has taken me years to balance and I really attribute my balance and center on the years alone in a truck with plenty of time to think and get my head clear.

you are not alone - none of us are... and you will find that most everyone had a glitch in their childhood no fault of their own.

Wow, reading these stories make me feel even more blessed for the loving and caring family I have to this day. I applaud all of you for turning out to be kind, caring and responsible adults, despite your rough upbringing.

Good God CG when I can put my thoughts into meaningful words I want to send you a PM or chat on yahoo maybe.

My heart goes out to you hun, not in pitty, but for having the courage to keep goin. #### it hasn't been easy has it?

My moms words were always "you just want to be better than me don't you?" She didn't like me from day one because she said I took all the attention away from her....and yes she has told me this.

And my fathers dyin wish......in his own words....."please don't grow up to be like your mom"....I'm proud to say I raised myself to be the total opposite.

I agree with what you that our past does set us back and sometimes try as we might there are moments in time that we get yanked back to the insecure place and become caught up in the emotion forgetting where we are.

Somedays I'm my own best friend and other days I am my own worst enemy and I know it.

Once upon a time I never was this open about my thoughts or feelings. Tons of therapy kinda sent me in the opposite direction.....lol....now I don't shut up, but it's done more to help others be more aware that they don't need to stay in unhealthy relationships or environments.

I'm still a work in progress but am very proud of the progress I have made. I like me much better now. I must because I actually let people take pictures of me and I'm become brave enough to share them.


many many hugs..............

kim

well lets see , i did always know my parents loved me and my bother so my child hood was not to bad , when we where younger but we movied to new orleans alittle place called lock port when i was ten and my dad stared working on the big boats he was gone like a truck driver but when he come home all he did was drink and yell because the house wasnt clean this way or we didnt do smething he like .my mom she had us do things and all but she was the mom that let all my friends hang out at the house she took us all place girls and guy friends . well then we moved to alabama i was 15 then my mom and dad got devoice and my dad remarried and that when i lost my dad for a very long time and my new sister that him and his wife had . my mom and my brother and i are very close and all ways have been but my dad disowned me till just last year i had tryed so many times to make up with him tell i just didnt care if he die or not well last yr he almost did die and i was so missed up on what i wonted to happen . well 6 monts later he came to see my brother and we finnly talk and things have been ok . i know this sound bad but i still watch out for him and his wife because i not really sure how long this will last sofar so good . but between my dad and my frist hubby i am not a very trusting person . and i have alot of self isusse . Pat as help me alot and still does all the time and i am better then i use to be . so ya dysfunction manifest itself in many forms and it all takes a toll on you as a kid or an adult .

for those that came from dysfunctional families and made out good, god bless them, and for those that did'nt may god bless them more. i watched a late talk show one time and i can't forget what the host said in regards to the above. he said if you're young and you blame your parents for what you've become then you got every right to blame them but when you reach your adulthood and you still blame your parents for what you've become then the problem is no longer your parents but you yourself.

I am next to the youngest of six and I can half relate to what your saying. Mom loved us all dearly and told us so often. She was also big on hugging her children 'just because'. The old man, however was just like your old man, maybe not as affctionate. Getting hit in the head while doing homework and told "that was for nothing" was quite common. Never an 'I love you" or "I'm proud of you"
But, for the most part, we all grew up to be decent people. I thank mom for that. The old man died in 2000 and the saddest part for all of us was not that he was gone, but that he never gave any of his children the love they desrved. And for that, we felt like HE was the one who missed out.

I guess the Truckers Report family is as dysfunctional as they get but though not often admitted there is a lot of love here . They are your family . I won't say any more silly stuff . You figure it out .