I'm glad someone gets a laugh out of my trials and tribulations on the road. Maybe one of these days, if Dave Barry ever kicks the bucket, I could take over for him at the Miami Herald.

Enjoy your weekend too.

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This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

Thursday July 31, 2008

Since my little incident at the scale in Breaux Bridge, I've been real careful to have a "legal" log when I venture into the Communist Republic of Louisiana. Last night was no exception—I had to stop for a few hours in Hammond to do some creative logging so I'd be able to make my delivery.

It was about 18:30 when I pulled into the Petro and the solar powered drivers had already claimed most of the spots. I circled around a few times and finally found a spot waaay at the end by the shop—an IdleAire spot.

My log book would be arriving in Hammond at 23:00—somewhere around 20:00, I finally fell asleep... then... two hours later... BANG BANG BANG!

I jumped up and ripped open the curtain to see who the hell might have the cojones to bang on my door after I'd only been asleep two hours... It was Garth Brooks (a euphemism I use for those pear-shaped, sandal-wearing azzclowns who talk on their headset at the fuel desk), asking me if I could please shut off my stinky, noisy, dirty diesel engine—apparently he was having trouble getting his beauty sleep.

I looked at my watch—22:00!!! OMFG... Garth... please tell me you did not just wake me up an hour early. But it was so... and now I was pissed! If it wasn't for the two hundred other drivers who didn't whine about my truck running, I'd have blasted my air horn next to his truck on the way out.

It's gotten way too easy out here... Garth probably wouldn't know what to do if his Vulva didn't have a/c and a refrigerator to store his Monster Energy drinks. Garth would probably run home crying to his mommy if he had to sleep next to a loaded bull wagon... "Mommy, the bad truck driver scared me with the stinky cows... boo hoo hoo."

Here's hoping that IdleAire goes under real quick... so Garth can get a glimpse of what it's like to be a real truck driver, who sleeps in a running, vibrating truck... complete with the smell of real diesel fumes.

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

Thursday August 14, 2008

Wow, I guess it's been a long while since I posted in this thread. But, I have an excuse—I just got out of prison in Florida.

Ok, so I was only there for an hour and a half while I unloaded, lol... but it sounded good, huh?

I haven't been to prison in a while... I've done time in Angola, Atlanta Federal, Marion (where Iron Mike did his time)—yep, I'm a hardened ex-con. Well, ex-consciencious-on-time-deliverer-of-stuff-to-prisons anyway.

So right now I'm doing time in Oglethorpe, GA at the Weyerhauser paper mill. Man, I hate this place! They take forever and a day to get you loaded and today is no exception. And to top it all off, a Wiley Sanders driver jumped ahead of me and took my dock. I guess that's what I get for not paying attention.

Weyerhauser in Oglethorpe is also one of those places that is on a growing list of shippers and receivers where you cannot have a passenger onboard. WTF is up with that? What happened to the good old days where you could take your wife, kids, dog, cat, guinea pig... girl-you-just-met-5-minutes-ago. This post-9/11 security BS has got to stop! For eff's sake, my son wanted to ride this summer—he is NOT a terrorist! Thanks to paranoid insurance companies and the retards who make the rules where I pick up, he couldn't go.

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

??? Tyson did his time in the youth center in Indiana.

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My childhood dream of becoming a truck driver turned into a nightmare!

Lol... yeah, he tawks wike a baby anyway.

No... Marion, Illinois is the place I'm talking about. At the time, it was a maximum security prison where they kept all the inmates under lockdown 24/7. I guess they've changed that now.

Edit: I see that wasn't a question... I thought Tyson originally was sent to Marion... then whined and complained and got sent somewhere else. I remember the hoopla in the news about him being sent to Marion.

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

I do gotta say It has been interesting to read your Thread and will keep reading as you put more on here...Be safe out there..

Friday August 29, 2008

Greetings from Knoxville, TN. I just picked up a light load... which may be a good thing... and a bad thing.

The good thing is, light loads are easy to drive, as well as boosting the MPG. The bad thing is... I'm headed to Houston—and so is Gustev. We should both be arriving on the same day, lol.

This load doesn't deliver until Tuesday morning, so I think I'll hang north to see what goes on. I'd much rather watch it on CNN than see it in person.

Nothin' else much new or exciting, just the same crap, different day.

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

Sunday August 31, 2008

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I went by the England driver and thought, "Hmm... what a retard," and chalked it up to him probably being a newbie.


And then, just when you think you've seen it all...



Both of these pics were taken this morning on I-10 westbound, heading into Houston. It was a long, grueling four hour trip from Orange, to my current position in Baytown, but it was not without entertainment.

I wonder what these chuckleheads were thinking? Well, I guess what they were thinking is... "Hey, the traffic on the service road is zipping along! I'm gonna cut through the ditch! Yeah... that's what I'm gonna do!"

So... a note to all newbies: DO NOT do this with your truck. They are NOT off-road machines!

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.

glad i didnt have to make that call to dispatch. whats up with the storm and where you have to deliver? they are saying 90% of new orleans is evacuated (aol news) how is it by you?

The weather report for Baytown says possible tropical storm conditions with winds gusting to 25 mph... I can handle that. So far, everyone here seems to be taking a wait-and-see approach.

I have a delivery appointment in Houston set for Tuesday at 8am. The weather report for Tuesday there is only calling for 40 percent chance of thunderstorms. I'm hoping that the gamble I took, staying out this weekend to get across LA before the storm hit, pays off.

If I'd have went home this weekend, I'd be stuck on the other side of LA with a Houston load in my trailer that couldn't be delivered. I can't afford to sit idle right now—I got bills to pay.

__________________
This is NOT the Daytona 500... you don't win a prize for being first.