hahaha the title got you thinking didnt it.

well, it's TOTAL sarcazm.

I pulled into the flyin hook at exit 147 on I-85 (E of Atlanta) I no sooner get a spot than a little troll comes wobbling out from the row next to me. Looking her over she was REALLY haggerd. she stood about 5'3", and probably close to 250 lbs. Short greying hair and once she came up, teeth rapidly dissapearing. Anyway, she comes up to my window (since I am still sittin in the driver seat) and raps on the door.

Here is the dialouge.... we'll call her "LL" for short.

LL. "hey Darlin, you got a CB"?
ME. "Yep"
LL. "Does it work"?
ME. "YEP"
LL. "You care if I climb up in that truck and use it"?
ME. "Sorry, the man says no one else in this truck but this driver"
LL. "Well you aint gotta tell nobody"
ME. "No, I dont. but thats the rules and I'm stickin to it"
LL. We'll if you need anything, you know where to find me"
Me. "yeah, will do"

(then procedded to gag)

GOOD BOY! Don't never get desperate enough for that

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"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

I have a funny Lot Lizard story. 2 fellow Stevens drivers and I had loads that delivered to the same reciever on the same day so we were running together. We ended up having an extra day on the run so we decided to camp out at the T/A in Atlanta. We were parked next to each other in one of the small lots to the side. We were chatting on the CB with each other and other drivers. I was updating my logs and checking my paperwork when a taxi cab pulled into the lot. Out gets the ugliest, skinniest crackwhore I had ever seen. She had a half full bottle of some kind of cheap alcoholics whiskey. She gets out of the cab, says something to the driver and staggers over to my truck.

"Uh oh, here comes trouble" snickered one of my companions.

"Excuse me sir" she said to me through the open window. "Do you have $5 I can borrow so I can pay the cab driver?"

"Sorry ma'am," I said, "They don't pay us Stevens drivers enough to have spare cash." She went to my fellow company drivers and got turned down. Then she saw a JB Hunt driver and his wife getting out of the cab with their bags (I guess to go shower up) She staggers over to them and starts putting her hands on the husband. The wife got in her face and I heard a few choice words, one rhymes with "ditch" and the other rhymes with "duck".

At any rate, unable to score any money, she goes over to the cabbie, who presumably is pissed by now. I could tell by his arm movements that he was none too happy about getting stiffed. He slammed the cab into gear and peeled out of the parking lot.

Now she starts doing a wierd dance, while flipping off the empty JB tractor. She walks over to me again "You stevens drivers is all right, #### them JB hunt boys, they ain't ####." Then she goes back to dancing. Well, several drivers asked where the "dancin' lot lizard" was. We told them and sure enough, two bobtails came over and parked to watch the show. She danced around the lot for about 10 minutes before she wandered off. I was feeling kind of sleepy so I hit the sleeper to take a nap.

About an hour or so I got up feeling hungry so I decided to get some Popeyes chicken to take back to the truck. I didn't notice anything going in but when I came out the doors, I noticed a lot of staff members and drivers standing and staring at something. I take a look myself. It was the lot lizard, doubled over in pain with drool coming out of her mouth, screaming. I guessed she was having withdrawel symptoms or something. The fuel desk lady mentioned something about "calling the police again".

The cops finally show up and she bolts, miraculously regaining her strength. She bolted and the cops chased her for a few minutes before finally giving up.

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

bwahahahahhahahah.....................

You sure are long-winded.

I raise one hand in a wave-off, shake my head left-to-right (means No!) and look away.
LL, walks away.
End of story.

I was in Breezewood, PA one night and I was listening to one of the resident lowlifes there looking to offer some "commercial company". I grabbed my CB mike and said "Don't do it, man. She's a cop". She called me everything but a white man. That was funny. Cost her a little business too...

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Z-Lady's devoted hubby.

My friend was parked in a truckstop (can't remember which one) and he had his wife with him, a lizard came up to the window and his wife jumped out of that truck so fast and started beating up on that lizard.

I have had them come up to my window while I am sitting there in the seat and when they realize that I am a woman, they proceed to ask me for money or want to use my CB. I just tell them no and roll up the window and they go away.

I must give them credit though, they found my wallet after I lost it there and returned it by mail to the Stevens terminal in Dallas (the only thing with an address in there was my driver ID) completely intact. Too bad I had cancelled my credit and gasoline cards, lol.

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HAR HAR HARRRRR!!!!

I gotta remember that one. I'll use it the next time I hear a LL soliciting...