She's got a lot of mental problems...problems I can no longer afford financially and emotionally to deal with. My wife has been institutionalized 2 times since we've been married (this would have been our second year). During new years she had a manic episode and took off for California. Last night my wife commited herself a 3rd time. She's been diagnosed as having depression, bi-polar disorder and is suffering from post tramatic stress disorder from being date raped a couple of years ago. I think there is more going on than that. I love my wife but I can no longer shoulder the burden of her problems. Even with my health coverage we've accumulated medical bills numbering in the thousands. She's going to need long term care and that's something I just can't pay for. I think the only option is for us to get separated so I can drop her from my insurance coverage so she can get help through a state hospital.

I know I married her for better or for worse but the financial burden is just too much. I chose legal separation instead of divorce because if she can ever recover, I could see us reconciling. I've talked to her about it and she agrees that she needs more help than I'm able to provide and she agreed to a future separation. I felt like somebody ripped the heart from my chest when I talked to her. I talked to my mother in law and she agrees that her daughter needs a lot of help and that she wouldn't blame me if I got separated/divorced.

Anyways, just thought I'd share my current pain.

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PackRat....This is a very heart felt post!

Iam so sorry that you and your family are experiencing such a tragic situation.

Unfortunately the health care is this country has forced alot of us to do things that we don't want to.

I sincerely hope that your wife will recover and that you guys can live as ONE!

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I hate to hear that you are struggling with this. I would think long and hard. You never know what someone is going through and this has to be tough on you, but I can not say that I agree with you. The option of legal seperation in case she gets better so you would take her back then is kind of one sided. A spouse is not a discardable item. Many have went through a lot more than you have. I am not trying to come down on you. Just trying to get you to think of what you are saying here. I myself would not want to burden my wife if something were to happen to me, but I would do everything in my power to care for my wife no matter what. Have you tried talking to someone outside of your family about this? Maybe a pastor or counselor of some kind?

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My childhood dream of becoming a truck driver turned into a nightmare!

I'm sorry, PackRat, that you have all this on your plate. It's a huge weight, and my heart goes out to you.

Have you contacted any of your state offices regarding financial assistance with her health care? Can you perhaps have her tested and classified as disabled, and obtain subsidized coverage for those expenses over and above your own insurance policy?

If you are not sure who to turn to, my suggestion would be to contact the NM (since you indicate that as your home state) NAMI branch:

NAMI New Mexico
P.O. Box 3086
Albuquerque, NM 87190-3086
Phone: 505-260-0154
Fax: 505-260-0342
Toll-free: 800-953-6745
E-mail: [LINK POSTED BY MEMBER] Only Members Can View This Truck Forum Link.

Another source may be your state's Behavioral Health Services Division:

Behavioral Health Services Division
P.O. Box 26116
1190 Saint Francis Drive, Room North 3300
Santa Fe, NM 87502-6110
Phone: 505-827-2601
Fax: 505-827-0097
Help-line: 800-362-2013
Substance Abuse: 800-962-8963.

If you want your wife to get the proper care, you're going to have to be her strongest advocate. Sometimes you have to dig pretty deep and follow a lot of false leads, but I think assistance is out there.

Get the whole family (in-laws) involved. Start making phone calls. Pester people within the system. All you need is one knowledgeable, system-savvy person on your side, and the entire picture could change for you.

Give it a try, PackRat and family. You have nothing to lose and a wife (and daughter, for the in-laws) to gain.

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PackRat
My prayers are with you and your family. May God be with you through this difficult time. I know how rough this patch can be, I know. I wish I had these great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. And even writing this is stirring it up.
God bless you,
Dan

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Driving through life not sure of the speed limit

i have to ask you one question packrat. with all financial issues aside, would you reconsider this move?

i would strongly suggest giving notarps, and ducks' posts careful consideration. there are ways to get help financially and emotionally like they said.
you married her for a reason and finances shouldn't break that bond if you are truly in love with her.PLEASE don't leave her like that, it sounds like she needs you now more than ever

thank you for trusting in us here enough to share your feelings.

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tip for new truckers: to err is human, to forgive is not D.O.T. policy.
"i've been working all week, and i'm tired and i dont wanna sleep and i wanna have fun... it's time for a good time!!!!" alan jackson

We've made inquiries about getting subsidize coverage for her medications but were told that we made too much money.

My worry is that my insurance may decide to deny any further coverage, which would screw me even worse than I am now. Her last hospital stay before insurance was well over $4,000.

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I don't know what to think. She gets into her panic mode and she doesn't talk to me or anyone else, she just checks herself into the hospital. I'm still reeling from her trip to California. I can't go on being stressed out worrying that each time I go to work at night she's going to go have a "bad night" and decide to have herself committed. I can't go on like that any more.

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understandable. but think of this:
it would be safe to assume that if you love your wife you will be in the same emotional boat.
a seperation doesn't relieve you of your emotions, i think might even bring MORE stress and emotional distress to your already burdened mind

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tip for new truckers: to err is human, to forgive is not D.O.T. policy.
"i've been working all week, and i'm tired and i dont wanna sleep and i wanna have fun... it's time for a good time!!!!" alan jackson

At least she is seeking medical attention. Many refuse and get into all kinds of problems with their current medical condition. I know medical bills are high, trust me we owe thousands in medical bills. We get them paid off and one of us needs something else. All part of living. The year that my daughter was born between my wife and child they had 3 surgeries in a matter of months. Please think your way through this. No one is trying to give you a hard time. We just want you to see that there are other options.

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My childhood dream of becoming a truck driver turned into a nightmare!