During the years that I worked in the television business, I mostly considered myself to be an agnostic. I did not reject the notion of God outright, but I was not convinced of His/Its existence either. Whatever the case were, it didn’t seem to make much difference in my life. Although I was a self-proclaimed agnostic, I still prayed from time to time. I figured that, at best, I was talking to God—at worst, it was a personal catharsis. It seemed like a win-win situation to me. In doing this, I suppose that I had, in some way, avoided uprooting the seeds of spirituality.
My experience in Cross Timbers, Missouri with Merlin, my former trainer, and his family, and the people of this small community, may have been the first event to pour some water upon these seeds. The camaraderie, love, trust, and pure selflessness that I experienced there seemed to transcend the human behavior to which I had been previously exposed. I could not help having a distinct “feeling” that something else was at play here.
In the days to come, I would view the majestic beauty of a Wyoming sunrise, the rolling green hills of southern California, the jaw-dropping craggy peaks of the Colorado Rockies, and the sharply eroded pinnacles and spires in South Dakota’s Badlands, where you can look for miles and see no signs of civilization. It was difficult to view natural beauty such as this without getting a sense of wonder and awe, and without getting a profound spiritual feeling—the feeling of something greater than myself that transcends human knowledge.
Trucking is a bit like the old adage of “being in a foxhole” which says, “There are no atheists in a foxhole.” Likewise, there are damned few atheists behind the wheel of a big rig. I wish that I had a nickel for every time I’ve proclaimed my gratitude to Jesus for either finding a parking spot in a crowded truck stop, avoiding a collision, or finally getting to go home after 5 or 6 grueling weeks on the road.
I have no doubt that my time on the road has afforded me the ability to forge a relationship with God, although my path to this relationship is a spiritual one rather than religious. I have never been a huge proponent of organized religion, and I probably never will be. The repressive mindset of many sects of organized religion, the narrow-minded “our way is the only way” thinking, the corruption and hypocrisy, and the blatant disregard to sound rational foundations and logical consistency in various dogmatic assertions leads me to reject the “holy” community.
In saying this, however, I do not mean to suggest that faith is an unnecessary component in the path to spiritual growth. I used to wonder why God would not just rearrange the stars to spell out something like, “Hello this is God… just wanted you to know.” But, I came to suppose that God would never do anything to prove his own existence because belief in him must be based on faith alone. God, in essence, would be violating his own word if he created such an improbable event pointing to his existence. And therein lies the rub—the word “faith”.
“Faith” is the single word that has probably inspired more religious and philosophical debates than any other. A skeptic might claim that taking a “leap of faith” into a spiritual belief attends the risk of losing truth. However, I believe that skepticism attends the same risk.
The philosopher, Kierkegaard, set forth the theory that human beings do not have the capacity to know anything that is certain, and that only through some sort of miraculous event can they ever acquire such knowledge. That seems well and good for the enlightened few, but what about those of us who have never experienced a “miracle”?
Kierkegaard goes on to say that the miracle of “knowing” can be significant for a human being only if he desires it to happen without being able to form any judgment about the advantages or disadvantages of the transformation. In a way, Kierkegaard himself is a skeptic because he is trying to show that human beings, by themselves, can know nothing; an assertion shared by Socrates. After developing that skepticism, he maintains that the only solution to this predicament lies in first recognizing it, and then blindly and irrationally seeking a way out of it through faith alone.
But doesn’t this present the risk of losing truth? How does anyone know what to believe in? The truth is, we can’t know. According to Kierkegaard, man’s solutions lies solely in the decision to believe and to have faith. This presents the conundrum that some people are inherently geared toward faith while others are geared toward skepticism. As a skeptic, I claimed that I, at least, needed a tiny modicum of proof to base faith on.
Most of us are convinced that love exists because we have had this knowledge revealed to us through experience. But if asked to prove love, it becomes a monumental challenge to prove an ineffable quality. The Bible or the “holy” community doesn’t help to prove anything about faith and religion any more than a book of sonnets proves anything about love. The acceptance or rejection of any unknowable concept is based on personal experience and faith alone. As human beings, we are forced to take a leap of faith, whether it is into the realm of spirituality, or the realm of skepticism. Skepticism attends the same risk of losing truth as does spiritual faith. This, of course, is just my humble opinion… I could be wrong.
Even with my decision to take the leap into spiritual faith, I do not claim to be “absolutely positive”. I believe that “absolute certainty” in regard to the unknowable requires an approach with a closed mind. Whether one has chosen the path of spiritual faith or skepticism, in order to maintain honesty, the words “I believe” should take precedence over the words “I know”.
I believe that there are many paths toward spirituality, and that we each must find our own. My particular path turned out to be the highways and interstates of America. I recall a humorous event on the road in which someone (or something) attempted to guide me toward a spiritual path.
I had stopped at a rest area on I-20 in Norris, Mississippi, and when I entered the men’s room, I saw a series of pamphlets entitled “The Roman’s Map to Heaven”, strategically placed on top of the urinals. I thought that this would, perhaps, serve as a metaphor and, not unlike a Holy pilgrimage to Mecca, I would be enlightened with an epiphany upon completing my quest and flushing. So, when I flushed, it was with great anticipation, but when the septic cycle had whirled to its conclusion, I remained standing in front of a urinal just as unenlightened as before. Despite my disappointment, I realized that I’d still had an epiphany of sorts. For I learned on this day that if I were to ever, truly, discover a path to heaven, I probably wasn’t going to find the directions perched atop a urinal in Mississippi.
Even in choosing a path toward spirituality, I do not believe that there is anything wrong with expressing doubt from time to time. Even my beloved Grandfather expressed religious doubt on occasion, even though he was a devout Catholic. I considered this to provide more proof that he was a thinking man rather than a bad Christian.
Despite my Grandfather’s eighth-grade education, he was a master carpenter who designed and built immaculate houses, along with a lot of other things. When I was old enough to see it, I realized one day that my Grandfather, in his carpentry work, was performing algebraic calculations in his head. I knew that he had never been near an algebra class in school, so I asked him how he did it.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he humbly replied. “I just think on it awhile.”
I hope to strengthen my own spirituality as the years pass, and I suppose that I’ll just continue to “think on it awhile”. Based on the relationship that I have developed with God to this point, my faith makes me think that’s exactly what He’d want me to do.

I've spent years and years on the never ending search for spirituality.
You're absolutelyy right when it comes to no atheists in foxholes or behind the wheel.
The problem I had growing up and for many years is who's right? Who's wrong? I don't thing anyone can deny the existance of God, but who is he? Is he Jesus's father or is he Allah?

I asked God that one time and he said to me.....Believe me, I'm right! Just read God's word and believe it for what it says and not for what someone else says it says!

There is no god but God -- everything else is dogma. And everything you need to know about God, you have known since you were born.

I tend to agree with you MamaKay. What we need to know, we've always known. It's just the time it takes to recognize it and make peace with yourself.
The dogma is probably the hardest thing for any one person to deal with and getting away from it can cause a multitude of troubles for some.
Take fireball11 for instance. Read God's word. And believe me, I'm not in anyway bashing his or anyone elses faith. I truly believe a person's faith is one of his greatest assets, and strengths.
Back to God's word. Is it the little small voice we all hear within our own hearts? Is it in the Bible? Maybe it's in the power of a summer storm and the crashing rumble of the thunder in the distance.
Myself, I tend to go along with number one and three. And that can cause a ton of dissent and protest depending on who you talk to. One of the main reasons I usually leave religion and spirituality out of my everyday conversations. I'm more than at peace with my own decisions though it's taken years and alot of researching to get me here.
Back to Fireball. Read God's word and believe it for what it says. I tried that for years and years. And in the process learned that there are many great and wonderful things written in both the old and new testament. Were they written as God's word, or great metaphors by above average people? Though not many God fearing Christians will admit it or talk about it much, the history of the Bible itself is pretty interesting.
Why were some books included and some excluded? The Archetypical defination come to so many years ago that gave the Catholic Bible their extra books while the King James lacks those books? Or could it have been political unrest at the that excluded some writings?
I have no doubt God exists in his infinate ways and forms. I guess my ideas are just somewhat outside the box for alot of people to deal with.
Maybe the key to it all is to recognize we all want to get to the same place, just may be taking different roads getting there.

Thanks for your reply, Blackfire. Yes, I also tend towards one and three. The word of God can be many things, and different things to different people at different times. No point in using a two-by-four upside the head of someone who already gets it, but sometimes God has to shout loudly and is still ignored, and even the two-by-four doesn't work.

The "reward and punishment" paradigm found within much of Scripture is such a "two-by-four." For those who need it, it sometimes works. But if fear of punishment is all that keeps someone from doing wrong, or if desire for reward is all that makes a person do good, that person needs serious spiritual growth.

Yes, there are those for whom the word of the Bible should be taken as literal fact, and others for whom the stories provide allegorical truths. An allegorical truth can, in fact, be just as important as a literal one. For still others, an entirely different religion and/or philosophy serves as a spiritual base to provide strength. For my own part, I believe that spirituality and religion are seperate and distinct... and that religion is not necessary for spiritual growth. In my opinion, religion can often suppress spiritual growth.

I couldn't agree more! Religion does not have a monopoly on ethics.

I can say an Amen to that.

As you said, God doesn't have to prove His existence to anyone - He is the Supreme Creator. Yet, at the same time, He knows everything there is to know about every single person living upon the face of this earth. If you believe the Bible is the truth, then you would also conclude that He also knows every animal, fish and bird as well.

Whether a person chooses to believe or not does not change who God is. As a former missionary, I visited many former atheists. These were people that rejected God their entire lives - until they found themselves on their death beds, and starting to give much more serious thought to what might be happening on "the other side". I never tried to convince them of anything, I only presented what I believed to be the truth - and that based on the Bible. I found it interesting when a man who had rejected God as being real his entire life, spent his life killing people in different wars through the military and was basically about as hardened against anything spirtual as you can come up with had an about-face when he was laying on his death-bed in a hospital. Yes, he received Christ and and yes, I thought/believed it to be genuine. In the end, only God can actually determine that.

I take no pleasure in seeing people dying miserable, drawn-out deaths. But, at the same time, I have seen that those kinds of deaths serve their own purpose - at least for those that are considering that Christ might actually be a real, living "person" and that what He said in the Book might actually be TRUE. For those people, then, coming to believe and all that there is entailed with it at the end was better than - the alternative.

I have to agree that, as a former OTR driver, I was awe-inspired at the majesty of - what I believe to be His creation. Though I hated driving down steep mountain grades, I was totally awed by the beauty and magnitude of the mountains I was driving through. Or the desert, or the plains, or the wetlands, or wherever I happened to be driving. I took great pleasure in having the opportunity to see this great land of ours - beyond the employment that had me behind a giant steering wheel every day.

I think your post very inspiring. A person on a quest, a person seeking the truth, and hopefully finding it however you have done so, or however you are going about doing so.

Yes, to prove his existence would be to bely his own word. Belief in God must be based on faith alone.

This assertion is based on faith and is highly arguable. For those who have been privy to Kiekegaard's "revealed knowledge" this may seem academic. But for those who are still searching, this statement is highly debatable.


I never claimed that the Bible is the "truth". I claimed that allegorical truths are often as important as literal ones. I lean toward the belief that the Bible purports allegorical truths as opposed to literal ones.

This is something that intrigues me. I have also known people who denounced religion for their entire lives only to become "softer" to it as they reached their "golden years". I wonder whether this is based on something substantial, or whether it is based on the fear of our own mortality.

That is to be admired... on your part.


I find that very interesting as well.


Nor do I.

I'm still left to wonder whether the fear of one's own mortality may inspire these feelings.


And this is what softened my views of spirituality. While I am still not an advocate of organized religion, I am hard-pressed to believe that there is not something out there greater than myself, and beyond my understanding.

Though I am awed by the beauty, I have to admit that driving steep moutain grades hauling 40,000 pounds is not conducive to spiritual enlightenment. LOL

As have I.

Thanks, and your response was thoughtful and well-received. Though our philosophy may differ somewhat, I think we can agree that a life without a spiritual base leaves a hole. Whether that hole is filled with "God", another deity, or the philosophical musings of man is entirely up to the individual. However, I have came to the realization, through being on the road, that the "hole" is something that needs to be filled. Seems that "God" is the glue for you... I'm still looking for my "glue".

Just as my beloved Grandfather said, "I'll just think on it awhile."