Subtitled: One local cop who's not likely to move up to Detective any time soon......

It was not a dark and stormy night. Matter of fact, it was a beautiful Spring day - crisp but comfortable, and not a cloud in the sky

Doing P+D in the Philly area, driving a 33k Gross straight-job with a van body. Started the day with a PITA delivery not 10 miles from our Yard in central Jersey. Three hours - after the appointment time, naturally - for the slugs at a BJ's DC to get me a door, about two minutes flat to pull off eight pallets, and another hour or so to actually check the stuff in and sign off on the BOL. Same old, same old *shrug*

Next, southbound and across the Delaware River to pick up about 2million $ worth of airplane parts at the big Boeing plant in Ridley Park PA (just south of Philly). Nice quick stop, considering the awkward size and shape of the crates. Hot Hot Hot for JFK Airport the next morning

Short hop over to the cargo side of Philly Airport to pick up another Hot Load. 40gal fiber drums full of some sort of Big $ pharmaceutical ingredient, just in from Italy. Shipper says it's nothing more than completely inert filler for pills, but the stuff is guaranteed sterile plus approved for human consumption and value is Very high because of that. Drums were banded 6 to a europallet and double stacked....

I'm looking over the drums and find a couple that have been lightly but noticeably forked - so to speak. Plastic bags inside the drums intact and nothing actually leaking, but the drums themselves were obviously breached

After going round and round with the Dock Boss a few times, I finally got the damage report I wanted, and loading commences. Despite having to pinwheel the euros into a 96" wide body it looks like everything is going to just barely fit. It was at that precise moment that my pump jack smiled at me like an ugly red cat sunning itself alongside the dock door......

Slide the pump jack into one of the pallets on the tail and try to close the (roll-up) door. Not happening. I need about another 3" worth of clearance lengthwise and just ain't got it. Door's good to go until within 3' of the floor and then it hits the top of the pump jack handle

Call dispatch (one of the company owner's too-many hats), describe the situation carefully, and ask for instructions. Quickly move the cellphone about 2' from my ear as he starts screaming about UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER am I to leave his pump jack behind at the dock. Dispatcher eventually calms down a bit and we work out a plan......

There's two rows of E-Track inside the box, and I have plenty of straps. Strap the top tier, strap the bottom tier, slide the pump jack in and strap it separately. Pull the door down as far as it'll go and use two heavy-duty bungees to hold it down. Looks ok at the dock. Dispatch says it's legal despite the door being partway open, because both tiers plus the pump jack are all independently secured. Get the BOL from the Dock Boss and it's time a test drive

Roll out, shake it up a bit driving around the Airport grounds, then stop and inspect the load. Lookin' good. No cargo movement at all and the pump jack hasn't budged an inch either. Head north on I-95. The time is now approximately 1620 on a weekday.......

There's construction on the bridge over the Schuykill River (right next to the Mothball Fleet stored at the old Navy Yard) so I'm doing a nice-and-easy 35 or so. Pass by a Philly cop half-asleep in his patrol car, who obviously has the Construction Guard duty for the day, while the bridge workers are doing their thing

Three guesses what happens next.......

Yep. Lights, siren, full throttle on the cruiser. I'm bagged. No shoulder on the bridge and none for about another ¼mile, 'til I get to a very narrow and steep off-ramp. Don't like the looks of that one bit, so I stay on the highway and pull over onto a narrow but adequate shoulder and wait

By the time Officer Friendly gets to the cab, I have my license, medical card, registration, and insurance card ready and waiting. He wants the shipping papers too and asks me if I'm carrying HAZMAT. "No Sir". He takes all the documents and goes back to the cruiser. The time is now 1640

Five minutes later, he returns to the cab and asks me again if I'm carrying HAZMAT. "No Sir. There are no diamonds on the freight, and no placards on the truck. There is no HAZMAT paperwork whatsoever, just a normal BOL for the drums, and another normal BOL for the aircraft parts."

"You're absolutely positive you're not carrying HAZMAT?"

"Yes Sir. I am absolutely positive I am not carrying HAZMAT"

He goes back to the cruiser, and about 5 minutes later another cruiser pulls up behind him. Another Philly cop gets out of the second cruiser and I can see that he's got Rank. Gold chin-strap on his hat. They have a little conference and Officer Friendly walks back to the cab and says......

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the truck. The HAZMAT Team is on its way"

As the second cruiser turns on his lights and proceeds to block all three lanes of traffic on the northbound side, another cruiser arrives on the southbound side and does the same - completely blocking the entire Interstate in both directions

I get out of the cab, walk back behind my truck, light up a cigarette, and check my watch

The time is now 1655 and it is a weekday........

to be continued

Oh, come on now! Us idiots don't do suspense well.

I sense multiple "Here's your sign" situations rapidly approaching. This is gonna be so good!

__________________
Jack on Crack(berry)

A man who believes he has designed something idiot-proof,
has underestimated the power of stupidity

lol can't wait for part2

cannot wait to hear how this one ends.

Hurry Hurry,I want the rest of the story! as Paul Harvey says.

__________________
Subject: Dumbest Quote of the Century

'My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it.'

- Barack Obama

I dunno. I smell a red herring here. I don't see the cops shutting down a major interstate on a whim like that. It wasn't like he wrecked. It was only a traffic stop.

__________________
Z-Lady's devoted hubby.

Only way I could see it, is that it was leaking liquid not identified on the BOL and thought to be possibly hazmat.

There may be a red herring here. But Philly cops are complete goobs.

I had a main thoroughfare blocked for 30 minutes while one chewed my ### out for stopping long enough to throw a box off the back.

Thankfully his partner had enough sense to realize they were making matters worse, and stressed the point he needed to wrap his tantrum up, and let us all go. I can't even begin to tell you how far traffic was backed up.

And that's just one of several run ins I've had with Philly's Finest. They're all goobs.

__________________
.
I'm gonna kill the next SOB who tells me I look stressed out.

--Unknown

Sorry for the delay, folks. New job has been running me ragged, and I've been doing little else for the past couple of days besides working and sleeping

My apologies

Oh, indeed they are - some of them at any rate - as the thrilling conclusion of this tale will make perfectly clear

Anyway.........

When we last saw our intrepid newbie trucker, he was parked alongside an Interstate highway, watching Philly's finest completely block both sides of the road

Wasn't more than a minute or two before the sounds of sirens were heard off in the distance, moving steadily closer. A minute more, and it was crystal clear that Officer Friendly had called in the Heavy Cavalry. It was a regular Fireman's parade: three pumpers, two ambulances, the HAZMAT Response truck (and it was a big'un too - the size of a Class 8 wrecker, but with a specialized body on the back), a full-sized aerial ladder truck, and the Battallion Chief bringing up the rear in his SUV. Eight vehicles all told, making their way up the steep off-ramp (the wrong way 'round....) in order to get to the scene

While the troops deployed to their assigned positions, the Battallion Chief hopped out of his SUV and conferred with the cop that had called them out there for a moment, then headed over to me while the cop stayed behind

"The officer tells me you have a HAZMAT load on your truck that's leaking. What is it?"

"No Sir. There is no HAZMAT on this truck. A few of the barrels were damaged, but the actual product is packed in plastic bags inside the barrels and the bags are intact. No leaking material at all. If there was, I would've refused the damaged barrels right at the airport, before they ever got on board the truck. I did get a damage report from the airline, but that was to cover my company's ### against the possibility of a freight claim later on"

"How do you know it's not HAZMAT?"

"Because HAZMAT shipping papers have bright red edges, for one thing. For another thing, the BOL would've - or should've, at any rate - listed the contents as HAZMAT and specified the Class and Division, so I could placard the truck properly. There also isn't a single HAZMAT diamond on any of the barrels. The Broker says it ain't, my dispatcher says it ain't, the paperwork says it ain't, and the packaging of the cargo itself says it ain't. And furthermore, it ain't leaking - climb up there and check for yourself"

As you would reasonably expect, he did, and found things to be just as I told him. After hopping off the tail of the truck, the Chief breaks out into an ear-to-ear grin and heads back towards the cop, leaving me to contemplate the motionless line of traffic stretching out in both directions. Northbound, I could only see about another ¼mile before the road ran into a tunnel, but southbound I could see all the way across the Schuykill River and almost to the Airport - a mile or more at least, all at a dead stop

With nothing better to do for the moment, I had a seat on the guardrail and lit up another cig. That's when I heard the choppers. Looked up and sure enough, there's now two helos added to the parade - hovering and taking pictures by the look of it. Thought about that for a second, and it occurs to me that police helos would be a lot closer than these were, which led to the educated guess that I had just become the lead story on the 5 o'clock news

Called up the Missus - a devoted viewer of Channel 6 Philly news, if there ever was one

"Hi Darlin'. You wouldn't happen to be watching the news right now would you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if there was anything on there about a HAZMAT spill on I-95"

"Oh yeah. They're showing pictures of it right now. Traffic's backed up for miles in both directions. Uh.....why?"

"I'll tell you in a minute, but first, give me the lowdown on what the reporter thinks happened"

"He's saying that there was an accident, with a truck leaking diesel fuel and some kind of poisonous chemicals all over the road"

"UmHmmm. Lemme ask you something Sweet Thing. Can you see the guy right behind the truck, sitting on the guard rail and smoking a cigarette while he's talking on a cellphone?"

"Yeah, I see him.... It's you isn't it? (laughing)"

"Yep. It's me allright. I'm gonna be a little late for dinner tonight, but I can tell you for sure there's no fuel spill and no HAZMAT spill either. I'll tell you all about it when they finally cut me loose and I can get home."

"OK. I'll make you a plate and wrap it up for you. Call me when you're headed home"

"Oh yeah. I love you. Bye"

"Love you too. Bye"

Called dispatch and after the phone # automatically flipped to his home phone # I let him know what was going on. He was stressed about the two Hot loads in the truck, but had had his own tangles with Philly PD plenty of times, back when he was still on the road, so he wasn't exactly surprised by the turn of events. I told him I'd call back when they finally cut me loose and that was about it for that conversation

Another ten minutes or so go by, and finally the Chief comes back from his 'conference' with Officer Friendly. He walks up to me with an even bigger grin than the one he had before and says to me "that idiot has his head so far up his ### that it's coming out his own throat. You're absolutely right. No HAZMAT here", then he spins around and starts ordering his troops to stow their gear and head home. It took 'em a few minutes to get squared away, and a few more to get the ladder truck turned around and headed back down the ramp they used to get there, but the drivers knew their business and the ladder truck led the parade back home, leaving me with a Very Dangerous man indeed - a cop with a whole carton of egg on his face....

Well, the Fire Department scene was over but there was still one act left in the show. Once the fire trucks left the scene, the other cops unblocked the road and the traffic started moving again. With that accomplished, the other cops left and we were down to just me and Officer Friendly. No doubt he had microscopically examined every single page of his MV Laws book, but in the end, the only thing he could conceivably write me for was Unsecured Load - which he did. Unfortunately, he still had one trick up his sleeve.

"Due to the nature of the Offense, it would be unsafe to let you proceed so I am calling the Police wrecker to tow your truck. If you are able to pay the fine for the ticket, plus the towing and impound fees, you can retrieve the truck when the impound yard opens tomorrow morning"

"Uh....pay the ticket at the impound yard???"

"That is correct. In order to release the vehicle the fine must be paid in advance. If you want to plead Not Guilty, the Court will schedule a date and if the judge agrees with you the fine will be refunded to you at that time. Towing and impound fees are, of course, non-refundable".

The message was bad enough, but to have him smile at me when he delivered it left me more than a little perturbed...... Still, there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I took the ticket and my documents, then called my dispatcher back. His reply was predictable, and need not be repeated here, but he let me know that he'd meet me at the impound yard and give me a ride home

As it turned out, Philly PD had their own heavy-duty wrecker and she was a beauty. Just as pretty and well-kept as the fire trucks, only lacking the gold-leaf lettering and painted white (IIRC) instead of red. The driver turned out to be quite a reasonable guy, and just shook his head when he found out what I was ticketed for. When I asked him how he was going to hook the truck, he said "From the front. That load's not going anywhere. You've got enough straps on it to tie down a tank, much less those barrels"

And so he did

The next morning, the entire affair cost the boss just under $1000. $390 for the Unsecured Load ticket (he paid it and never said another word to me about it), and $600 for the tow and one day's storage at the impound yard. I rolled out of the impound yard at 0810 and everything got delivered on time

And from that day on, for as long as I worked for that company, whenever anyone asked to borrow my pallet jack I told 'em "Sorry, that's a $1000 pallet jack and I'm not supposed to lend it out"

Thanks for chapter 2! Ya just had to know, after the major chewing he got from fire chief, and the likely chewing and ribbing awaiting him at the precinct, that you weren't about to emerge unscathed! But what an ###hat! I'm not sure given the situation, that I could have kept my tongue when he started the 'unsecured' crap. Can't believe your boss didn't fight that one. But then again, knowing that works in the big city, I guess I can!

Thank you, sir, for a most excellent tale!

__________________
Jack on Crack(berry)

A man who believes he has designed something idiot-proof,
has underestimated the power of stupidity