I remember I went through a period of "mourning" around 3 yrs after it all ended. I cried for about three weeks - nonstop. I cried all day, I woke up crying, I went to bed crying. I could not stop.

Now I think it was just that, mourning for the marriage I had thought would last forever, for the father of my children who wasn't who I thought he was, etc., etc.

It got better after that, kind of like a purging, but it was another two or so years before I finally stopped feeling sad and angry that it was over.

I'm glad now. Mike is 100 times the man the ex ever was and actually everyone is friends - the ex, Mike, me, the kids. The ex finally got a g/f and more power to him.

An example though. My daughter lives with the ex (he's much closer to university than I am). He spent Christmas Eve with the new g/f - fine, who cares? BUT... he didn't tell Leslie he was going to do so!!!!! She woke up ALONE Christmas day!!! She went upstairs to wake him and he wasn't there!!!!

Ugh!!!! How can he be SO thoughtless and stupid???? He still doesn't think it was a big deal but he just put a HUGE black mark on himself with my parents (who still talked to him, saw him sometimes), myself and both kids.

He's so inconsiderate and selfish and doesn't even realize it. Sigh. I went down and got her right away and brought her up here. If he'd told her ahead of time, she'd have spent the night here, for crying out loud. Who wants to get up alone on Christmas Day unless you choose to do so?????? Ugh!!!! Idiot!!!!!!

I'm so glad I found Mike.

I have never been in your shoes, so I can't say I know what you are feeling. But I can offer hugs.. And tell you to keep talking. I will try to understand, and I will always be here to listen.

__________________

While it helps to talk about this, post and receive support from those that have been through it, you might benefit from talking to a counselor of some sort. Carrying around anger and bitterness for a year? Now it needs to be about you, honey. It will eat at you and affect your physical health.

My ex "unburdened his soul" and soothed his guilty conscious early in our marriage. Two weeks after the wedding, to be exact. And I was so hurt, and the trust was gone, but I forgave. I never forgot; sometimes for no reason, it would come back to me, and it still hurt. We went on to be married for 27 years. Believe me, I rationalized a lot of his behavior, blamed myself for a lot. We divorced for a lot of other reasons, and that was so far in the past it really didn't matter anymore. So, yeah, you can eventually get past all of it. The anger and hurt will go away. I wish someone would have pointed me in the direction of seeing a psychologist way back then. Things might have been a lot different.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

I feel like a dur hur. Counseling is a great idea, for us and for each of us individually. We both need help. I become paralyzed sometimes with anger, well really it is more like miniature episodes of hyperventilation brought on by the anger. And he sometimes becomes distant from the guilt, and yes anger towards me. We are both angry. Which is just super bad mojo.

However, moving on, from what I can gather I should expect some relief in about 5-10 years?

I still after 5 years get angry sometimes, but when I think of how far I have come without him...I feel better to know I have accomplished to keep my sanity and I have managed to start in a profession in which he hated....I am proud that I went on with my life and I feel in my heart that divorcing him was the best thing...I made a good choice...now I am independent again and loving every minute....I that you can get your life together again and I will keep you in my prayers....bless you!

__________________

"Once in every life....someone comes along and I was so in Love...it was almost like a song..."

I love the Truckers Report...my favorite place to be...

I feel for all of you lady's I know it is hard when the one you love turns out to be some one different than you thought they were.
I am just coming out of my 4th marriage this one lasted 15 years i thought it was the one that would go on for ever. Well to make along story short after 15 years of helping her raise her son and providing a home and family for her and her son and getting him enrolled in truck driving school and getting her threw some serious medical problems allot of she had to go threw by herself no doubt since i was on the road or over here in IRaq working to provide the money and insurance it took to get those things. Once this was all done i got her a job over here as well so we were both making good money. I talked her into going in for some cosmetic surgery(Tummy Tuck and Lipo suction) She had lost like 250 lbs and had a lot of loose skin that was never going to go away and i knew if bothered her mentally so it was for her not me that i talked her into it. She loved her new look and then 6 months later all of a sudden walks out and says she needed time to get in touch with herself and find her self and i was ignoring her and wasn't paying her enough attention. Well that was 6 months ago we still work in the same area and we got a divorce in Nov so i have tryed to talk to her and put things back together but she has no time to talk or doesn't want to and keeps telling me soon we will talk but she wants to find this feeling she once had to make sure we can make it work. I give up but when you love some one how do you just give up and walk away even after you know they used you and still are i guess i just need to get on with my life and get over it as well its just hard to let go some times. Thanks for being who you are and i hope you all find that one person that is out thee for us all that can make your world the absolute most perfect place it should be no matter where you are what you have.

We weren't married but I was with a guy for 6 years. Worst 6 years of my life. He hit me constantly and cheated on my numerous times. I was just supposed to sit there and take it. but once I got the courage I was out of there. I didn't think that I was gonna be able to trust another person ever cuz of what he did to me. But that all changed when I met my hubby. He is a wonderful man. Altho....some day's I wonder.....((I love you Honey))...

The hitting hurt but the cheating hurt worse. It was like he just didn't want me around anymore for nothing but a cook and a punching bag. I never would have thought that cheating would play that many mind tricks on you. but it does. I still see some of the girls he cheated on me with and I would love nothing more to beat the crap out of them--same with him--but then my head kicks back in and I realize that none of them are worth it.

__________________
Sittin at a bar on inside
Waitin for my ride on the outside.
-------------------------------------------------
I"ll probably get 10 years so just give me beers til they get here.

It's never easy and honestly I doubt you'll ever understand it so try to let go, walk away and start again - alone or with someone else. The longer you try to get her back, the worse it'll get and the longer it'll take you to get over it.

It sucks and it's not fair and it's not right but we cannot force another adult human being to do what we want them to do no matter how much we want to.

I'm sorry it happened to any and all of you. Time does help but it's a long, hard road.

I went thru a pretty bad experience with a woman and her kids. We were thinking of getting married and she already had the kids calling me "daddy".

When she left it hurt more to loose the kids. It was like loosing your entire family at one time. Now I no longer want any kids of my own. It hurts far too much if you loose them. (I'm married going on 4 yrs now, so far no kids)


BUT a couple things I learned thru that experience to where a woman walking out on me WILL NEVER mess my life up like it did then. I simply will not allow some thing like that to ruin my life. Even if its for a few yrs. Life is too short to waste time on mourning what you cannot bring back.


1. Always keep in mind that some where some body has it worse than you do.

2. I learned and will remember this for the rest of my life that NO MATTER HOW BAD TODAY IS, SOME DAY IT WILL GET BETTER.

3. Will yourself to move on. At first its hard. But after a few months of feeling the hurt and pain, begin to allow your head not your heart to rule your emotions. FORCE yourself to stop feeling sorry for yourself. At this point there is nothing you can do about it.


These are some of the things that worked for me.

__________________

I bet you those kids were hurt more than either of you were. That woman was NOT nice to those kids. When there's kids involved, things are so much harder on everyone.