I am new to this all so please help! ~~ My "trucker" is going OTR, again. I am not at all excited about this! I absolutely hate it. I am trying to not be a snot about it all. I am trying new things like this to make it easier on all of us, him going that is! We have talked about it, he has done this for 15 years before I came along. He has custody of his son, so it's not just me. He quit going OTR when his son was about 4 now he's 7. He understands a little better, he also misses him lots more! Anyway, I just became a "mom" to the little man 2 years ago. It's hard to see him cry when dad goes. He has done some other work that has had him away from us previously...it stinks! But this time it seems so different.
I don't want to come off as being selfish, I feel selfish. I am a big girl, I can take care of myself! It's the little man I worry most about. It's going to be tough, I am angry.
Trucker dad says it's just as hard for me, to be away. I have to do this though. He says it's for only a few months...I feel it will be longer.
I don't want to ask for borrowed trouble, it might even be taboo to think like this, and GOD FORBID. What happens if something happens to him? I will not only lose "dad" I will lose "my son" I will have nothing. I am not his real mom...then what?
"Dad" has a great job now, making money good hours, home every night. Dental, life, medical, and vision. He wants to go! He says he can't do the other job, it's killing him physically. He hates the thought of having someone watch over him all the time, he hasn't had to put up with that...not in a "big truck"!
I have to once again, sacrifice what I want, because he thinks he has to do this. I have a job, I enjoy going to, full-time with benefits. I will have to quit or go part-time so he can go do this. I feel like I get the raw end of the deal. I stay home, take care of all here. Make my life turn upside down so he can go do this.
Am I being selfish? Am I being a snot? I really want to know. I will take any and all advice I can get. I feel like I am going to go crazy...I am starting to ask myself is it at all worth it? I am tired of crying, I am tired of thinking about it all...I don't want to be scared...I don't want to be this way for him...I want to be supportive, understanding. I don't want to cry and make him feel bad. It seems like it doesn't bother him though...to be going. He wants this.
I will quit now...I just needed to vent...I hope I didn't offend anyone.
Please help out the emotional wreck new girl, named Jennifer.

Welcome to the forum--you have came to the right place for support. Although--I am a trucker myself and not a wife/significant other of one but there are lots here that have those same feelings as you do. It gets easier with time I assure you but you will get lots of support from the lady's here that are in your same spot.

Although--I can tell you--once a trucker always a trucker. If your hubby is a real trucker -- it is hard for him not to be on the road. He is miserable in his day-to-day job. Yes this could be selfish of him but I dont see you being selfish the way you feel for you and your son will miss him greatly, but in time it will get easier. If you fight him on it--its only going to make it worse I believe. It is really hard for someone that has been a truck driver for a number of years to do a regular job--has he tried to find a local job or is he determined to run OTR?

I sympathize with you and there are lots of good people here you can vent to because they are having the same feelings as you. Hang in there and keep the faith! Hopefully, y'all can work out something that works for both of you.

Good luck to you and your family!

Don't beat yourself up, you are not being selfish, you are just preparing for a tough time. But you will survive, you will adjust, you will make new routines. It will be tough at first for you and the little man, but you two will develop new ways to cope and will learn to cherish the time that you have together. Find ways for him to stay in touch with dad on the road; pictures, postcards, saving stamps or quarters from states, cell phones, web cams, a map of the states for him to follow dad's progress, etc.

You also mentioned your fear of losing custody of the little man should something happen. Something can happen ANY time, custody arrangements should be made and written down ahead of time. Just because you aren't the biological mother doesn't mean that you would automatically lose custody of him. As hard as it is to discuss it, every parent should have those issues written down in case the horrible happens unexpectedly.