Hello everyone. I'm new to this site and think it's really cool. A fellow truck driver told me about this a few months back and I'm just now getting here.

I have read through many threads on here and have decided that this was an okay place to ask for some advice.

I'm seeking some advice on love. My problem is that I believe I'm falling in love with my best friend and this scares the heck out of me. I met him in truck driving school a few years back and we managed to stay in touch. I'm normally the one giving friends advice, but I feel totally naive in this situation. You know what they say?....It's easier to give advice than it is to take it.

If I put myself on the outside of my situation, I would have to say that he's just as crazy about me as I am him. I've known him long enough to know that he has a brick wall put up around his heart and he's scared to show emotion. He believes he can control every aspect of his emotions.

I'm trying to keep this as short as possible and still get my point across, so feel free to ask any questions if you can give me some advice.

We spend hours talking on the phone each day, sometimes more than once. He's always talking about me moving somewhere with him and being his "roommate". He has invited me to spend holidays with him and his daughter, but I have not been able to do this as I live in another state.

The thing that stumps me the most is this...I have been friends with him for a long time. Most of this time I saw him strictly as a friend. Over the last few months I feel like I'm really falling for him. We do have a lot in common, butfor the most part I would say that we really aren't each others "type" if you know what I mean.

We are both afraid of doing something that will hurt our friendship and that is why feelings aren't being mentioned. I can't imagine my life without him and I'm sure he would say the same. He often acts like he wants to say something, but doesn't. I just don't know what to say or how to say it. I really believe that this should be a face to face conversation, but I we only see each other in person 3-4 times a year. It's beginning to drive me crazy. He's the last person on my mind before I close my eyes at night and the first person I think of in the morning. We have had some deep conversations lately and I've noticed that he's having trouble sleeping from what he's told me.

The BIG question is...

How do I tell my friend how I feel about him or should I and why am I falling so hard and fast for a guy that is not really my "type"?!

Is there any way the two of you could take a weekend, go somewhere quiet and peaceful and have a huge heart to heart and talk everything out? No interruptions, no kids, no phones, etc.??

I think that might go a long way to helping you two figure out where to go and what to do.

There is no "type" if you ask me. If you two relate on a lot of levels and get along well as friends, that's a great way to start a relationship. Never write something off because you might not be each other's "type". Explore it with him, talk it out and through and talk, talk talk because it sounds like there might be some logistic problems here (living in separate places far apart, for instance).

So check it out. Life is too short to miss out on a great relationship. But DO talk and DO think hard about what you're doing. Nothing's worse than moving forward without thinking then having things not work out and losing a great friend in the process.

Good luck!!!!!

Hi myminpins! Thank your for the quick reply. I'm not sure if it would be possible for us to get together for a weekend or not. We usually only get to spend a few hours togther several times a year. We have been talking about getting together, so I suppose we really need to make it happen.

We are the best of friends, but when it comes to matters of the heart he makes me extremely nervous and a little intimidated when it comes to the thought of intimacy. He's the only and the first person in life that I feel totally understands me. As much as I may try to deny it, this man makes me feel truly complete as a person. I never thought this feeling was possible. How do you bring something like this up to someone? I'm almost positive he feels the same, but I don't know that for sure. Losing or messing up our friendship is just not an option. I can't imagine life without him.

Well, the only way I was ever good at such things was to do it via email or messaging. Ask questions if he's alone, if he's got time, if he's up for a private chat, etc... lead up to it and, depending on his answers, go from there. If you think it's a bad idea, back out and laugh it off.

If you can't see each other more often than that, though, I don't know how you'd ever make it work.

Do be careful - sometimes something is more appealing because it's NOT attainable and far away. Be sure it's what you really want - ask a MILLION questions about EVERYTHING you'd ever want to know - to find out his degree of respect, morals, likes, dislikes, etc., etc., etc.

I met my Mike online 7 years ago. I put him through the paces, I'll tell you, and if he didn't want to answer any of my questions, I wouldn't be with him. I went through a LOT of online discussions with many men before I found him. We're still together and getting married this fall - and it's a second relationship and LAST for both of us. Best thing I ever did

Love is a friendship that has caught fire. That sounds like what you have. Type means nothing. He is your best friend already and that is what you want out of a mate. Sometimes the best couples are the ones who aren't each others type. Approach the subject in your online communications so you and he can carefullly think about what you want to say to each other.

Since you both have been friends for a long time, you should have an understanding of one another feelings. Why don't you just ask him if he would be interested in a relationship beyond the friendship, this would make life easier for both of you and still the friendship would last even if he is not.

Is this maybe an emotional affair, it sounds like a true and understanding interest with two good friends.

__________________

My husband and I met at the trucking company we both used to work at. He was a driver, I worked in the office. I cared about him alot. I thought about him every day, all day long, watched every afternoon for his truck to pull in the yard, thought about him at night, dreamed about him. I was pretty sure he felt the same, but I didn't know as we'd never talked about it. I finally just broke down one day and told him how I felt.

This is how I put it.

I need to tell you something that's really important to me, and if you are offended, or don't want to speak to me again afterward, I'll understand. I really care about you, I'm pretty sure I'm deeply in love with you, and I hope that you return my feelings. If you do, can we please try it out? I would hate to loose you as a friend, but I can't hide or deny my feelings for you any more.

Needless to say, he felt the same. We've been together now for three years, and have a surprise baby that's going to be two next month.

I can't say that your situation will be the same, but if it is more than just an "obsession" for someone who's far away, then maybe you should be honest about it to him. I am not trying to make you mad by saying obsession. Just that you really need to look deep to judge whether your feelings are true and long lasting, or fleeting and quick for someone who's unobtainable.

Good luck,

T

__________________


Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketsup.


Somewhere there is an energy leak.

It's a dog eat dog food world.

Thank you so much for all of the advice. I'm really glad I made it here

Honestly, the thought as crossed my mind that maybe I'm so intrigued by this man due to the fact that he's so far away. Overall, I think its mostly because of the way that we relate to one another. I really feel like he understands me better than anyone else on this earth. He's alot of fun to be with on the rare occassion that i get to see him and the conversation is great. My main attraction to him is that he is who he is and he doesn't care what others think about it. He's straight up and "tells it like it is". This means alot to me, eventhough it does cause us to butt heads sometimes

I think maybe there was a misunderstanding previously. I don't get to talk to him online or at least not very often. We talk on the phone for hours and send text messages. I don't feel right about telling him how I feel by text. Almost feels like we are past that if that makes sense? I haven't come out and told him personally, because I'm scared for one, and I really feel like this should be done in person. Given that I only see him a few times a year for a short time, this has been really hard. Having said that, my biggest fear is that I will blurt something out prematurely. Several times, I have almost said I Love You when hanging up the phone! I can only take so much and then all of my feelings will come out. He knows this of me, so a part of me believes that he's waiting for me to make the big move.

All of the signs are there that we are crazy for each other. It's just a matter of putting the friendship on the line and then crossing it into a relationship. Once the truth comes out, I believe that everything else will fall into place. Our location won't be an issue, because we will make it a point to be together. In fact, the subject of relocating together came up not to long ago.

What I don't want to happen is to have a lot of tension build up in the friendship that causes the freindship to end. I think about this all the time and what I don't want is to look back and think what might have been. A part of me of feels like moving forward with him could bring the type of happiness that one dreams about. The type of happiness that I'm not sure I believe is real.

Sounds to me like it's time to have a talk with him. It's great he's already your best friend and that's the number one requirement. I speak from experience when I say let the stars guide you instead of you guiding them. The worse thing you can do is jump the gun and force it, so sit back and enjoy the ride is gonna be worth it....trust me I know!

__________________

From a mans point of view I would say he is as interested or more. He wouldn't have stuck around this long and sure wouldn't be talking about living together, getting away togther if he didn't. Sound like he is emotionally guarded, possably scarred. Sounds like me actually which is why I felt I could shed some light here.
You just need to tell him, more then likely once you get it out in the open he will open up. Sounds to me like he keeps sticking his toe in to test the water but is afraid to fully commit to jumping in if ya know what I mean.
A guy like that may be more comfortable with a phone conversation or email then he would be in a personal setting although the personal setting has more possibility of benifits!

Just don't push the guy for more then he is willing to give and he in time will give more and more.