Where do I begin? The last 2 weeks have been an emotional and mental hell for me. My Darlin' Dusty aka TruckerTexman and I are no more. It seems the reason he has been distant all summer was because he was reconciling with his wife. Yes, I said his wife! Apparently he lied about being divorced.

I'm not completely dense. I sensed a distance between us and a sadness in him. However, like an idiot, I thought he was depressed because he lost his CDL in that Swift debacle back in June. Then he got kicked out of 3 places he was living in three months. The first place he got kicked out of was his mother's house. That shoulda been a clue. But noooo, I was nice, I prayed for him, I found him handy man jobs to help boost his self-esteem & so he could have some money. I encouraged him, and bought him interview clothes so he could make a good impression. I thought I was being a good girlfriend. Turns out I was being a patsy.

It gets better, at 4:47 AM on Saturday, October 24th I get a frantic phone call from him. He said his motorcycle was gone and he was in the emergency room, but he couldn't tell me which one. He sounded scared and disoriented. It was raining that night and I started calling every emergency room in Fayette and Clayton counties. No one had heard of him. One hospital said that he had probably been taken to a trauma center. So I called Grady Hospital in Atlanta. I was in an absolute tizzy! Around 6:30 that morning I put it in God's hands and just prayed that he would be okay. Then I went to sleep. Then I remembered he called me from a friends house one night the previous week. I scrolled thru my incoming calls and found the number. Turns out he had been staying there and this friend got the same frantic call. But he also told me it was okay cause his wife was at the hospital to check on him. WTF!?!?! That was the first I knew he still had a wife! Turns out the stupid SOB took a handful of pills and tried to kill himself after a fight with her.

A lot more drama ensued, and to make a long story longer I accidentally met his wife later that day. She doesn't blame me at all because she realizes I was lied to. Here's the kicker:They both want to stay friends with me. His wife and the lying cheater. I don't understand this. Am I insane? I have heard of people being friends with former lovers and spouses but I never understood why. His wife is really nice, and under different circumstances I could see us going for mani-pedis or just hanging out drinking coffee and chatting at the Waffle House. But I am hurt, and I don't want to be friends with the woman he rejected me for. Maybe I'm just too immature to deal with all this.

So as you can see, I have recently been sucker punched by cupid and am having a tad bit of trouble moving on. But I do it one day at a time. I am officially divorcing the crazy from my life. At 42 I thought I had seen all manner of sleazy, lying, cheating males and knew the warning signs. I was wrong, this one got past my radar. Make no mistake it will not happen again. The brick walls around my heart are back up, and they ain't coming down again . . . at least not in this millenium. As a matter of fact I am thinking of adding steel re-inforced concrete to my brick wall.


[LINK POSTED BY MEMBER] Only Members Can View This Truck Forum Link.
I think this song is what made me realize it was over. Two Ironys: 1) I heard this song two weeks before we split & it resonated with me. 2) Reba is his all time favorite country singer & fantasy woman. He would crawl over 10 miles of broken glass to get to her.

It hit me hard tonight that I have been dumped. I keep welling up in tears and crying. I feel SO stupid!! The signs were there I just didn't see them. My friends warned me, even though they had never met him, that something seemed amiss, I didn't listen. I thought they were being egalitarian snobs.

The worst part, and this is what started the waterworks tonight is that TruckerTexman is #3. He is the third man to leave me and get married within 3-8 months. Technically, he didn't get married. He just went back to his wife from whom he was separated, NOT divorced.

It seems God has given me yet another gift. I prepare men for marriage. When they are with me commitment and marriage are the very last things on their minds. As soon as they leave or I dump them, they realize that the sacrament of holy marriage is the one thing they can't live without.

So I give up, I'm done. I may not post for a while. I may not do anything for a while. I need a break from life.

__________________

Give yourself a break, let your heart heal and yes you will do it all over again maybe not for quite awhile but you will......we have all been on the rotten end of a relationship gone bad and it DOES get better.

I made the same bad bf choices for years, then I made the same bad husband choice twice before I broke the mold and found my hubby of almost 8 years now, and I wasnt even looking for him.

The sun WILL shine again, your tears WILL stop and you WILL pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on. I know its not easy and right now you feel like you are not so smart cuz you got taken in and all the other neg. stuff your feeling.....thats normal.

Just know that YOU will feel better, a little bit each day. The human heart is amazing.

__________________
We gotta start at the TOP, wipe the slate clean and take OUR country BACK!
LuvMyHubby
Proud mom of an Army Man
Wife of a trucker

Its a raw deal that good women get the bottom feeders. This man will end up getting his in the end. An old saying, "what you do on others will be returned back on you twice". Although your going to take along time to heal, not all men are this way unfortunately there a quite a few scum bags that make it seem like there are no good men but this is not true, remember that what is happening to you is also happening to others. Listen to Luvmyhubby comment above. As you heal, days months, years, what ever it takes just look in all directions because you might end up missing something that is in front of you, all you have to do is reach of it. I believe that in life we end up needing repair but never broken cause we are suppose to learn and grow with every mistake. It time, you will laugh at this ####### that has put a steak through your heart. You can remove it and let it heal but only if you want to. Nobody will experience what exactly your feeling right now, many people have had to deal with something like what your going through but not in your shoes. My mother told me once when I was a child, replace the shoes and try again. Not exactly what you want hear I bet. Keep your head up. God will never give us more than we can handle.

__________________
- Crusher -

Life is full of struggles, sorry to hear about your hurt

Hey
GAP
Is Tex a member?
We can ban his ### and his wife's(dry humor)

Hi; yes i know what your going thru, my wife now ex did the same thing too me , so i know the pain too well, i tryed beeing married for 12 years , worked my little off too give her anything she wanted,i even got off the road 3 years ago , cause she said she wanted a more husband type figure,so i did and got a land job, although not as much money, and like a idiot went bought her a pc, instead using her phone , now they chat all night long, o -well sign the papers and they were on there marry way, so like you i swore off women , becuse she left me pennless and homeless,cause she cleanout all 5 banks accounts ive been saving since high school, and this job i got now is mim wage and keeps me barly in the apt and day to day bills , so why im thinking about going out again , its all i know and warehouse work,of which i do now ,she went for a 20 year old and she was same age me, go figure,so you see it's not men do it, but women as well, mayby someday , like they say ill laugh at all this and find my true rose again, Everett

I am so sorry for your pain. Nothing hurts more than to lose someone you love. It has happened to most of us at one time or another, and many times has led to something better. Sometimes things really do happen for a reason, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

First and foremost, I want to let you know that I feel for you. No one should go through #### like that.

Secondly, take this as you please, but I am a veteran of failed relationships, mostly due to my uncanny ability to pick the biggest loser out of the pack. So I too have been where you are. Maybe not in the exact same spot, but close enough for me to understand.

Don't close your heart off, but take a step back, and really examine yourself. My therapist told me once, that I would pick the one loser out of 1000 men, when the rest would be good guys. What I learned about myself is the fact that I didn't happen to pick these guys, but purposely did so. I liked the bad boy fixer upper types, and guess what, they are just bad.

So I encourage you to really look inside yourself to see what it is that makes you pick these guys. The way I see it, all the losers one picks, where always losers. They didn't just change overnight, we just don't want to see it. Once you learn what it is that specifically attracts you to these guys, I know you can learn to stay away from it.

It was a HUGE revelation for me, to realize I have the power to pick better. Once I knew what to look for and what to avoid.

I wish you the best of luck in the future, and hope that history won't repeat itself.

__________________
For Anthony 12-21-1973 to 9-29-2006
Baby, I was always amazed by you. Till we meet again. I love you always and forever.

I feel terrible about what happened to you.
I too once had a married man (didn't know it of course) and when wifey found out we actually hung out a few times to rehash every single thing about the relationship with that cheater. She actually wanted to stay friends with me too but I could never imagine still having connections to that man even if his wife was a likeable lady.
I cut em both out of my life and in the end it was better for me, I don't want to see an ex (especially one that used and lied to me) ever again and I would see him again if I stayed in connection with her.
I understand.
After a few years of cheaters I stayed single for 5 years to I met who I'm now with.
I So understand where you're coming from.
But after 5 years I thought I'd be alone forever, never able to trust again, and I found someone.
I don't believe this is the end for you, but take all the time you need.
<3

__________________
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.

No matter how bad it feels to be the fool, it's still better than being the lying cheater. That's the perspective I took. Pain goes away in time, guilt lasts forever.

__________________
Cowboy up!

I am so sorry and feel so hurt for you Ga Princess. Take your time to heal and know that I wish you better times in the future. Oh and always remember that karma spares no one so his time is coming. Big hugs.