I've been denying my calling for 16 years now...

...and I'm only 28. I caught the trucking bug when I was 12-13, but growing up in a household where both parents hold professional 9-5 jobs and want nothing but the best for their only child, my early aspirations for trucking were frowned upon. Don't get me wrong; my dad and I are real close. In 1997, we went on a 10-day long road trip from my hometown of Houston, TX through West Texas, NM, AZ, CO, UT, and turned back. Got to see the Four Corners, Grand Canyon, Rocky Mountains, Santa Fe architecture, and the Marfa Lights just as a few examples. It was the highlight of my life, and it was then that I knew the open road was for me.

I'm gonna try to make this as succinct as possible. In high school, I lost interest in becoming a trucker. I developed a condition called paruresis. Have you heard of it? It's basically an extreme form of bladder shyness. I must be in comfortable familiar surroundings in order to relax enough to use the restroom. Otherwise, that muscle that allows one to pee is ALWAYS tensed up in a vice grip and I'm not able to go. (Ironically, the other I can do just fine on the road if needed.) It is a psychological condition most likely spurred from bullying in school. It is a defense mechanism. When one is able to relax to pee, their defenses are down. My defenses were always up in elementary and middle school because of incessant bullying. No, I was never beat up or anything; it was more like subtle constant pestering within the classroom thus always keeping me on guard, and it evolved into paruresis!

This developed about a year after my great trip out west when I was 13-14. Everywhere I go, whether it be to school or work, I must ration my liquid intake so that I'm not too pressured to take a leak by the end of the day. I've gotten over it once though; when I was living in West Texas in 2007-2008 with my girlfriend at the time. I was working as an apprentice funeral director. Now THAT was a stressful job! I quit after a year. Anyways, when I moved back home, I was okay at first, but then I went into a closed public stall at an Astros game one day, took a little bit to relax, and just as I was getting ready to relieve myself, I hear, "Hurry up! What're you doing in there?! Masturbating?!" ..... Paruresis reactivated with a vengeance. That was 2008. Today it is worse than ever.

I re-developed the trucking bug again in 2011 when I took a solo trip to Florida to watch the final shuttle launch. After that was said and done, I proceeded to Key West, then turned around and headed home... 3,014 in my white 1990 Cadillac S&S Victoria hearse named "Mortimer II". When I got to my final exit along I-10 towards my house, I ALMOST veered out of the way of it to keep going. I wanted to drive more. I wanted to see LA, the west coast, the northwest, etc. But alas, my grocery store wages had run dry and I stayed heading towards that exit ramp. I wanted to get back into trucking, but that dream was shut down instantly because of my existing condition.

The straw that broke the #####'s back happened on another major road trip out to Colorado just this past May/June. In coming back, I was at Santa Fe, NM, and I was going to drive back home to Houston. At around Carlsbad, I had to use the restroom. I couldn't. So I proceeded to Pecos. Fail. Went to a rest stop 15 miles east of Fort Stockton. SAT DOWN for a full 45 minutes and just took my time and played video poker while maybe 100 guys were in and out and I was still trying to go. Not a drop. I thought, "THAT'S IT! I'm going to a urologist." I ended up holding it 13 1/2 hours that day from Santa Fe, NM to Boerne, TX. Ridiculous.

When I got back, I saw the urologist and he said my plumbing was fine but my bladder was a lot larger than normal. I've gotten USED to holding in so much pee! I DO go 9 hours a day on a regular basis without going peeing. I researched various paruresis forums and a solution a lot of them have turned to is self-catheterizaton with an intermittent catheter. Basically, it just slips right through that vault lock of a muscle that keeps the urine in the bladder and... voila! Pee! I bought all the supplies I needed and I'm going to try this.

I really would like to become a trucker, but I've got to solve this issue first. I'm a rebel. I just don't fit in with everyday 9-5 life. I have no wife, no girlfriend, and no kids (nor do I EVER want kids!). I'm back at home with the 'rents, and I'd like to get my life on track already. I've been chasing my tail at junior college for 10 years and nothing interests me. I'm also a bit of a solitude hound; I've GOT to have my alone time. I've never been much of a social person or a bar/club person. I have an excellent work ethic when I'm interested in what I'm doing. I also don't have many friends. The only thing I desire is where to go next. I wanna be on the move. I wanna be on the go. So, hopefully I can get this d**ned urination issue resolved so I can get out there even if it means I gotta self-catheterize. I'm thinking (and this is the optimist in me) that if I self-catheterize a few times and SEE that I can pee in a crowded restroom via catheter that one day I can maybe go without one and relax on my own to go!

Anyways... howdy! I'm Texace. Good to be a part of the trucker forum. Been lurking a long time. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

 

Chinatown, good advice. Now, is the DOT physical something you have to do at inspection stations, or is that a one-time thing when getting your CDL? I really wish these companies and the government could take my hair or blood. I'm honestly a good boy and never do drugs.

KW Cajun, I have not, but I will be talking to one very soon. I've never really done anything to treat this condition. Instead, I just find ways to cope and adapt my life around it, but enough is enough. I've got to do something about it. I've let it run my life too long. You know, I also drink more sodas than I should just because it re-tards* the need to use a bathroom. I'll drink the sodas throughout the day (no more than 3; no, not diet) and I GORGE on water when I get home and pee freely.

*{I guess without the hyphen it's seen as profanity? Hey! It's a legitimate word! Same with ca-mel in my original post! lol!}

 

Okay, I found this set of rules for the Department of Transportation Workplace Drug Testing Programs. It says, "an employee who normally voids through intermittent or self-catheterization is required to provide a specimen in that manner if he or she is required to produce a specimen for a DOT test." I can't find anything on the actual physical, unless this applies to it as well. I really hope so. I am shot to hell if I'm not allowed. Certainly they would. This is clearly a disability (though psychological, and thus is still considered a disability), and paruresis is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Maybe I just need to have formal documentation of diagnosis from a shrink?

Oh, and here's a link to the site I got that from. Look at Chapter 10.
http://transit-safety.volpe.dot.gov/publications/substance/DOTurine/HTML/urine.htm