Dear President Bush,

Congratulations on your election victory and for doing so much to
educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional
amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God
marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev.11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging

Wow LM that was funny
Is it a problem if I can answer all of them LOL

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Good, I'm glad you are laughing and not accusing me of blasphemy.

Just wait it's comming. I hope you are wearing your flame resistant clothing tonight. By the way, I thought it was funny.

Hell may be in your future LOL
Old testament Mosaic law stuff wont get you in trouble

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Dear Leannamarie,
Thank you so much for your kind words. In regards to your Biblical questions I would have to make the following observations. Since you are obviously a bleeding heart kalifornia liberal you live by a different set of rules so nothing I would say would make sense to you. How could you understand? Your set of morals are guided by relativity so that absolutely any kind of behavior can be made to seem ok. Something as simple as "Right is right and wrong is wrong" simply confounds you. The destruction of a totally helpless, innocent life is ok but you will fight to save a mass murderer. I am a simple man, but somehow that doesnt make sense to me.
But you know, fairly soon you wont have to worry about me any more. More than likely you will have a man in office who sees the world through the same warped perspective as you. Dont be suprised if he isnt everything he is cracked up to be. As a matter of fact, many of his followers see him as the new Mesiah...........and maybe he will be able to answer all your biblical questions.
Oh, and one more thing. I know what the definition of "is" is.
Your friend,
gb

Uh it was posted in the joke section
I am a bible thumper and thought it was funny

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Yeah, it was hilarious.

Wow <smacks forehead in surprise> It is amazing how much you can figure out about someone just from an address. No judgement going on there?

I love that LM. Where did you find it?

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America just went to hell.