Why You Never Question A Truck Driver - Truckers' Trucking Forum | Message Board

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #1 05.20.2008

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A TRUCK DRIVER...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk

A carton of eggs

A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce

A 2 lb. can of coffee

A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a truck driver

standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the

cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the driver

calmly stated, ''You must be single.''

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the

driver's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six

items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my

selections that could have tipped off the driver to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: ''Well, you know what,

you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?''

The driver replied, ''Cause you're ugly.''

.

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #2 05.20.2008

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
this old truck driver handled it:

A 56 year old truck driver walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk..... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my d*ck", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The driver replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The driver walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

"I can't p*ss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with truck drivers and you're gonna’ lose!

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #3 05.20.2008

Subject:AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS --- SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE -- WD-40 AND DUCT T APE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #4 05.20.2008

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't
ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty
dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal.. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

Baack · **^ Top** #5 05.20.2008

Those were great thank you for the laugh
Truckers

cat 500 · **^ Top** #6 05.20.2008

Those were too funny. LMAO

rookietrucker · **^ Top** #7 05.20.2008

MountainMama · **^ Top** #8 05.20.2008

These were laugh-out-loud funny!!

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #9 05.20.2008

With all that's going on out there in our industry, with the economy, the election, the gas prices, the middle east, food prices, and everything else, sometimes we just need to laugh.

Lone Pilot · **^ Top** #10 05.20.2008

A couple in their fifties, named Terry and Debbie are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old, bald man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so you won’t forget it?"
Terry says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" Debbie asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then Terry toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast?"

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