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08.29.2008
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| I just want to thank all of you I just want to thank all of you for your educational post's over the past year. Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using apaper towel. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what hashappened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because thenumber one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. (Althoughcell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck! I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in theglue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelopethat needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking outfor me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutantfreaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a waterbuffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forwardan email to seven of my friends and make a wishwithin five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone al ong to watch the carso a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make theseproducts are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God'on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwaveanymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones be cause I could be prickedwith a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfumesample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually AlQaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support ourAmerican troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a numberfor which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have theirrecipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brownAfrican spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when itbites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in theparking lot because it probably was placed there bya sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gascompanies!
__________________ So if Carter( worst ) got us Reagan (one of the greatest presidents of all time) One can only imagine what Obama will get us!!!!!  |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Baack For This Useful Post: | ||
Zaroc (09.06.2008) | ||
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08.29.2008
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| You're welcome. 
__________________  Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketsup. Somewhere there is an energy leak. It's a dog eat dog food world. |
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08.29.2008
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 You're welcome! Glad we could help! 
__________________ In Texas, if you kill someone, we'll kill you back. --- Ron White aka Tater Salad |
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08.29.2008
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| That's cool Baack. I love the one about the email. LOL
__________________ I HAVE A NEED FOR GOD AND A GOD FOR MY NEEDS |
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08.29.2008
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| Well han if nothing else I guess you were spared a hole lot of research.Anytime you need the good poop on something just ask for it.  |
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08.29.2008
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| Any time Baack!!! LOL  I never set any hand bag on the floor, if theres no hook I keep it on me!! But then again, I am a hand bag freak, so that would definately explain it, so you dont have to worry about mine !!LOL American only truck crazy girl, cause nothing else will do!!!!!!!
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08.31.2008
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| Just doing our part to make the American public a bunch of paranoid freaks!
__________________ I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you. Dynamite comes in small packages, Nitro comes in smaller ones, take your pick!  |
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09.03.2008
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| You are Welcome and some of those I don't do my hubby got me to stop shopping a Target because of it and I don't put my purse on the floor |
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09.04.2008
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| Here are a couple more: Don't drink water! Do you know what fish have done in it? You should stop breathing. Breathing all this poluted air can kill you!
__________________ Quote:
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. |
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