The NEW Darwin Awards 2009




The Darwin Awards 2009
Yes, it's that magical time of year
again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved
among us.
Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed
to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
California would-be robber James
Elliot

did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time
it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland
lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping
around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting
negligence sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He
tried the machine and he also
lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour
to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an
illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients
he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went
to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone
to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the
hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told
police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he
was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana
Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all
the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the
clerk and fled, leaving the $20

bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer...
$15. [If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime
committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted
the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit
the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The
whole event was caught on
videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told
to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the
purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5
A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon
gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick
man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline,
but he plugged his siphon hose
into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind,
please share these with friends
and family....unless of course one of
these individuals by chance is
a distant relative or long lost friend.
In that case, be glad they
are distant and hope they remain lost.



*** Remember.... They walk among us!!!
They reproduce!!!***