Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

I once had a gay housemate/roomate...

He was a younger white guy who had been rejected by the world, including his Aunt and Uncle...and who's Father was deceased...

Maybe I was a sucker...(don't go there)...or something...but I had pity on him....
I was gonna take him in and 'fix' him (don't go there either)...fix as in help straighten out his life...

I figured what they were lacking was stability and 'love'...and they were...
And I was able to provide that for a while...for a while things were good and normal...

But the larger point I'm trying to make is this...even though this guy was openly gay, and feminane at that...he never once tried to sneak into my bedroom and do the hanky panky...we respected each others bounderies...as I took on a kinda big brother protector role...

We laughed, watched movies together, and even wrestled (whenever he got out of line I had to exert my dominance)...(smile)...

(And he so needed that...for another guy to not be afraid of him, and to give him what he so badly missed out on growing up, and that was unconditional love and acceptance...you'd be suprised how much healing power that has on people)

I gave him all the things he was missing...a stable loving family...

Not only that but he was super clean.



he kept his side of the place spotless...more than I can say for many drivers...

One thing he always insisted on giving me or me giving him at the conclusion of each night...was a hug...I thought it was cute...a grown guy who was missing so much on the inside that he still needed a hug every night...and not afraid to admit it...

As such, I learned a few things from him...

(We even read from the bible together from time to time, cause no one else would do that with him...all people want to do is condemn and judge instead of help...even so called christians...me myself,...I'd rather love people for real, in real life and real time, than follow some holiday template)

How does this relate to the military...I suspect openly serving gays in the military would conduct themselves in a simulaur way...(minus the hugs)...

In other words...yes he was gay...but during the course of the day carried or conducted himself as any hetrosexual would, maybe even better...

Having a gay roomate in no way shape or form made me feel uncomfortable...I actually thought it was neat...

Gay guys (the open ones) are actually quite honest about a lot of things...and it was refreshing to be around such an honest soul for a change...(i probablly learned that from him too)...

The adventures him and I had, are just for yet another chapter in a book I should probablly write someday...

Anyways...gotta role...back soon...

 

Boy what a useless adventure this week has been...another week of my life gone, another week closer to my demise...and for what??

One week to go...if that...

I left out last Sunday and just getting back today...I quit!!

And the guy I drive for totally understands, and will work with me in the future...and or I told him I'd be here for him if he has problems getting another reliable driver...

Like I told him...the only way a driver like me can make it out there any more is to get own trailer and pull own loads...

That company dispatch crap just won't cut it anymore...

I need to know I'm the one shaping my future...not some sandal wearing dispatcher...


Ok, I'm home now...oh where do I begin??

I feel like I've just returned from outter space...



I feel a bit detached and seperated from my soroundings...and the people in it...the beautiful people...the beautiful blend of people...the youth, the young, and the vibrant old...

You don't get that blend on the road...all you get on the road is one tone of grey...

It's nice to return to some color...I need to get back into show business...I really do...

To be continued on next post here in a few minutes...

 

Exciting friday night for truckers...



Typical Friday night on the road now days...
I took this photo last night...

For those contimplating driving...'The parties over'...if I may borrow a quote from a old timer...

While I'm alive...I cannot, for the life of me, continue sorenduring my Friday nights to such bland, depressing enviornments...

No wonder this job attracts who it does...

You have to have a hermit mentallity to do this...to pull up at a rest area like this, close your curtains..and just go to bed...

And be content with that...

But to be fair...if one has a tv, or internet access or DvD player...I suppose you could do a lot while inside your truck...like being at home...

All I'm saying is when I first started out West on I-5...rest areas were bussling with human activity...you never felt alone...

Look, if your comfortable living a desolate lonely life...that's cool...you probablly have a wife...not looking for anything...and or content...that's cool...

More power to ya...

But to me, it's a graveyard..



And i'm not ready to die yet...

I want my friday nights to be filled with joy and excitement again...

 

I got in yesterday, after a long week...today's Sunday...and I'm just now 'awakening'...my senses are just now coming alive again...

And it feels good...or maybe it's just the beer I'm drinking...

Either way I can feel myself unraveling on the inside...coming alive again...
Aware...

I have one more week to go...and I already feel resentful about getting in that truck again and heading off into the abyss...I really don't want to...
That detatched world out there...I don't want it no more...

It feels good to be home...and to rake the yard...


Yes, in the southeast, there's still sunny days
and leaves to be raked...

Just little activities like this...rakeing leaves...you would be suprised how far that goes in humanizing you again...like medicine...

I don't know what happened with me and trucking...I think it's just to many hours...without proper compensation...I don't know...

But I do know I could get two part time jobs and almost make what I'm making now...and not spend nearly as much as I do out there...
Cause on the road you do a lot of 'boredom' spending...and eat crap...

When I got back Saturday...I went a bought salads, vegtibles, fruit, and had some steamed trout...so so healthy...

Out there I'm eating who knows what...and it effects your moral as well as health...
If I have to be poor for the rest of my life, so be it...but I'd rather be poor and love life, than cruising around in isolation, with a check, and feeling bad about myself, neglecting family and friends and missing out on opportunities...

I don't think I'm better than anyone on here...my luck is probablly worse than all of yours...I have a Charlie Brown Syndrome...bad things just happen to me for know good reason at all...



I always seem to get rocks handed to me when most get candy...

Oh well...

And I really want to get back into comedy...not saying that I will...but I'm primed for it...I'm to the point where I don't care what people think...and that's what you need when you go on stage...a no care attitude...'if they laugh, fine...if not..oh well...but they'll know it's real' type mindset...

I just know I'm destined for something more than this...

Maybe that something will simply be me getting beat up or shot and left to die in a dark alley...I don't know...and really don't care...



If I can touch at least one persons life before I go, than so be it...that's the only solice I need...

The rest is up to God...God will bless whom he or it want's to...and the rest...well....


Even though I believe in God...and believe in the whole reseruction thing...self proclaiming christians tend to annoy me...for they don't know the first thing about love...but they do know a lot about condemning others...

They watch, condemn and judge, but never help, all while serving a God of Love...go figure...

Don't touch me...cause I'm dirty and contaminated...later...




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46aXvRv9Sk4

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNZru4JG_Uo

Rock on!!

Cheers to the 80's!!



Mike Posey...you will live forever in my heart....rock on!!

Tie H, Jim E, Ricky S, Ted A, Bob M, Steve L, Carlos F, West C, Dan K, Ray D, Julian M, Stacy S, Judy S, Shannon L, Kelly H, Dora...
Kim E, Sara E, and to all the Emersons...Leo F, Todd K, Tony C, Dena..Ann M, John W, Mike M, Kathy B...and all the rest...
I carry you in my heart every day...Oh and Laila K...Liz M...Levi M, Mike J...Mark N,(rip) Mark J, Mike B. Karen J (Rip) George P (Rip)..Trey M....and all the rest...rock on...rock on for me...and never grow old...
Someday maybe I'll come home and liven that place up again...that is if your ready for me...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krmjwPW0KFk

This is your song, because you rock...

Dance with me...forget about tomorrow...let's dance...

If Spidey can get down...than so can you...



You are a super hero...and you will find your way soon...

 

First off thanks...thank you so much for the acknowledgment...

And as far as driving...If I could find a driving job that didn't eat up all my time and energy, and left me with some time for self, family and friends...then ye, I would consider it...

But it seems in order to get jobs like that, you have to know someone who knew someone who slept with someone who paid someone off...in order to get in the front door...

We'll see...either way...yes...I will continue to post...

I'm just hoping it doesn't turn into a sad Shakespearian play...with a tragic ending...



Believe me, I don't like being like this...I'd rather be settled like most...but this fire...this fire burns within...and it won't give me rest until I arrive at......wherever I'm suppose to arrive...

It just eats at me day and night...until I get there...and I'm not sure where there is yet...

Whatever happens...it was an honor to have left a trail here...

This song here, is probablly one most aren't use to...it's an old song from the 70's by the 'Ohio Players'...most were introduced to this band from the Beavis and Butt head movie....with the title track being 'Rollorcoaster'...

But there's another song I discovered by them...that speaks what I feel at times, what we all feel...and it's titled 'I wanna be free'...back when soul music was really soul music...and the guys just sang their hearts out...

And I guess this is all I really want to be...is free...(there are so many songs I could of played here, from Jimmi Hendrix to Frank S I was even thinking about going with a Jethro Tull song...but I feel like going with this one...)

Someone, somewhere, will get meaning from it...and to you, JimDriv3r, thanks for being out there...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zALWHBkRhsk

Long live the 70's...where some of the most sexiest, creative people to ever walk the earth existed...long live the 70's....