Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

I'm thinking about starting a new thread...and calling it 'The after life'...life after trucking...

There's really no need for me to continue bashing trucking...or the effects it has or had on me, since most of what I will start encountering won't have much to do with trucking...I mean yes and no...

Take a wife for instance...a housewife who's been married to a millionare guy for 5-20 years....it will have an effect on her one way or another, even after she leaves...

There will be many habits she fell into, that she must break out of...she will have to re-learn skills that were long forgotten in the marriage...

So getting a divorce...still effects you...cause you form habits that must be broken...

Remember...it was a marriage of convience...so you did get something out of it...and some of that is pure laziness...I mean even though you griped and complained...when all went right...all you were doing is driving in a nice tempurature controlled vehicle...

Those moments can be seductive...when compared with the sometimes complications of other types of work...

Which is why so many drivers re-marry trucking after they quite...

They hate it while they're doing it...but after 3 months...or more...80% return....cause they're not prepared to deal with the other reality...

The ones who don't return are the ones who have degrees or other marketable skills to fall back on...the ones who do returen are the ones who end up hanging sheet rock...cause they have no other skills...

So right now...I'm not sure how much longer this thread will remain relevant to my life...

But I do kinda feel to continue posting here, is to continue to be held hostage to this inustry...to continue to give it power over me...

For the record....
This is or still can be, a noble trade...if done right...
Any job can...whether trucker or Air-traffic controller..



All I'm saying is I've reached a dead in in my trucking endeavors...
I didn't plan right...

If I did, I'd be much better off than I am now...that's what happens
When you don't have good council in your life...good council is so important...

And I'm telling you, trucking can work for you, if you plan right...but you must have a plan...I can't emphasize that enough...

Werner had a plan...
Schnieder had a plan...
Swift had a plan...
jB Hunt had a plan...
US Express had a plan...

The guys who started these companies had plans...stuck with them...and now run the industry...

You have to have a plan, and passion for what you do...

(I would make a great instructer...maybe I'll apply at a driving school)...

Cause I speak with passion...I know what happens if you don't plan right...

You'll come to an end...and realize you've wasted many years of your precious life...

I just wanna live a little before I die...I want to physically look good a little, before I die...

And I want to look good where it matters...

And I do look good...but at rest areas, and Pilot truck stops...and warehouses...it just doesn't matter...

True story...

I was in Wildwood, FL once...and defended a old beat up driver from an arrogant cashier...
(btch, lay off this guy and give him some respect)...

I stick up for people like that in real life, even though ya'll don't like me...
I still stick up for elderly people...that's how I was raised...you respect your elders...period...and this young urban female needed to be reminded of that...

Any ways...me and this old trucker got to talken...this guy was beat up, missing teeth, and looked so so scraggly...and he told me he was about to retire...go back to his wife, and enjoy life...

I remember thinking to myself...'you poor thing, you've given all your adult prosperious years to trucking..and this is how the industry has left you??'...

I felt sorry for him...more than likely...when he retired...his wife will probablly leave him...for he was ok as a bread winner...but what happens alot of times is as soon as these drivers retire...their wives just aren't use to having them around all the time...and so leave, divorce..

I've heard these stories time and time again from truckers themselves...

They've been used their whole lives by this industry and their wives...
And in the end can't attract no one...cause they grossly neglected their personal up keep...

(and you wonder why I'm so particular about mine)...

Your body and looks is all you got when your broke...
Now when your rich, you can look like a troll...and women will still pretend to like you...

All I'm saying is have a plan...or this inustry will destroy you...

It will destroy your social life, your hobbies, your physical looks, and make it near impossible to intigrate back into normal society...



Ok, this standard of beauty may work at pilots, and warehouses and TA's...but it certainly does not work or translate well outside of trucking...

And believe it or not, I've seen guys who almost look like this out there on the road...

A quick shout out to all the female truckers...



I don't know how they do it...but female truckers always look good, and kept...they are an inspiration to me...cause they always look so good...so non truckish...
They go through the same crap guys do..but for some reason they make appearence a priority...and I love that...

You only know a female driver is a driver, when she steps into the truck...before that, their usually dressed, and look such a way that they could be at home in a office, or in the mall or anywhere...

And they have always been a breath of fresh air to me...
In that sense only...the fact that their always clean and tidy...and never seem to let the enviornment change them...

Way to go ladies...that extra effort has really helped inspire over the years...

I mean I don't care how rough the weather is, how many hours they've worked...the lady drivers always look brand new and kept...amazing...

Anyhow...time to end this post...

 

U4EA...

I always have a wild card up my sleeve...stick with me please...and let's see what happens...



Whatever life I have left in me...if I prosper..so will you...

And if I die...you will live a better life...don't ask...

Just be you...

 

Vehicle is in shop...



If they indeed, fix this thing tomorrow..then it will be on...I promise you that...

I've been held hostage to trucking and a bad vehicle for past 6 months...so when I got home, I couldnt go anywhere...but if vehicle is truly fixed tomorrow...it's own....

I can finally truly break the circle...and go where I need to go to 'live'....



I've got the tools, all I need is the means and the way...

Frank Sinatra, in the trucking world or circle, would of never been the man he was...

It's all about enviornment...and those around you...

 

(Special love to U4EA and JimDriv3r)


Hi, I turned in truck today...no more truck...wow...now I'm really seperated..

Although, do to the exellent relationship I have with the owner...I told him that if you needed me for short assignments in the future, that I would be here for him...
I'm not sure how he plans on running that truck now...but like I said...good reliable drivers are hard to find...he got lucky with me, in that I took care of his equiptment and never got in any wrecks...
And was always on time...ect ect...

So all i'm saying is, if he starts pulling from boards, and has one or two good runs that he can find no one else to do for him...then i told him I would do it...
Not that that scenerio would ever arise...but I just figured I'd offer, as a good will gesture...

Also, I got vehicle out of shop...hasn't ran this good in months...now I'm like 'wow', I can actually go anywhere...that can be good and or bad...

I just have to be responsible, that's all...

I may head out to a club tonight...a comedy club...I haven't done that in a while...but why not...

I have to start forcing myself to live again...it can be hard at first...

Trucking doesn't do great things for your self esteem...
I mean think about it...(at least with me)...most drivers don't like me, they think I'm weird or gay...
And that's the enviornment I existed in for so many years...not exactly a moral builder...

I mean they like me in person...in person they talk me to death...even the hardcore rebel types...cause once they see, and or feel, that I'm real...meaning my passion...they just stop caring what you are after that and relate to you as some one who's intelligent, and knows how to listen...

But from a distance...they always think they won't like me...they've just been conditioned that way...

Many of them listen to talk radio all day, and take on the grouchy anti social mentality of the radio hosts they listen too...

Instead of taking on the loving persona of Jesus...they take on or adapt the grouchy, hyper critical perona of Micheal Savage...or Sean Hannity...
Yuk....

Anyways...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow...but right now, here at this moment...I feel happy and content...

I feel 'free'...no ones telling me where to go or anything...
I gotta take a test on Monday...and get car aligned, and oil change...but that's all the plans I have as of now...

(I need to get all car maintance done now...cause once I do get going in a few weeks, I won't have time to be bothered with car maintance issues...)

Actually...I had more confidence in myself, and higher self esteem, when I was homeless...sounds wierd huh...

But when I was homeless and living out of vehicle, I was around every day common people...

As a driver, I'm kept or was kept in total isolation most of the time...

It almost felt the same as being homeless...always going to new places where I didn't know people...and always feeling 'dirty'...

Anyways...just wanted to check in really quick...

I may just go driving around, just for the heck of it...and just go check out some of my old stomping grounds, when I was down...and compare where I've been to where I've come...

later...

 

Hi, please pardon me for indulging in the 'marriage' angle of this scenerio...it just fascinates me to know end....the dynamics of it...so let's begin...

We are the wives of this industry...and the companies are the powerful Alpha males, the brutes, the ones in control...we are the wives...(if that idea bugs some...then tough, get over it and grow some)...

But we are the wives...(gender has nothing to do with it)(nor does orientation, it's simply a comparison of roles)...



Yes, we prepare ourselves to look all pretty and sexy and attractive, to our future mates...which is this industry, or specific trucking company...

'Oh hi, please, I'm worthy of your marriage...please will you take my hand?'
I'm qualified to be your wife...look, look at my past accomplishments, I'm good at doing a variety of things'...

Our resumes and applications are our dress or outfit..



The more attractive the dress or application, the more likely said mate will accept you, me, us...and so like women trying to attract a Naval Officer, we do all we can to spoof ourselves up..(not just in trucking, but with any job or career)....

We then court each other for a while, get to know the extended family...recriuters, other brides mates or spouse (other drivers who work for that company)...and we ask questions...

But we all realize also that any abusive man, is always at his best, before marriage or doing the courting period...they hide their blemishes...(ask any lady married or divorced from such a fella)...

Anyways, bottom line, we need money, thus need a job to generate that money or income...so even though skeptical...extend our hand in marriage anyways...thereby taking a chance that all will be ok...

sometimes it is...sometimes it's great...the marriage, the sex (bonuses, pay, equiptment)...but other times it falls apart as soon as vows are exchanged...(application approved)...

Now your theirs...they fly or bus you to a far off place and put you in a hotel room...



From the get go...things don't feel right...your like 'hey, what is this?'...
But they have you and others barefoot, half naked, and stranded, 100's of miles away from home, and some are near broke, and totally dependend on their new potential mate for support...they have no choice but to go forward...

They, we, are temporarily seduced by a nice bed and donuts in the morning..

It's the dating phase...and some have had it so hard that they give into the moment and actually feel 'charmed'...like 'Oh my, my new mate really loves me...wow...they've given me a bed, food, shower...'

This phase is very company specific...some bale here, things don't feel right...so they bail...others are expelled, sent home packing...for technical reasons...health, background checks, urine test ect ect...

But for those who stay and make it through the dating phase, hotel and all...the marriage begins...



Do you, Misc company, take such and such driver as your lawful wedded wife, and promise to uphold and protect her, and live up to contract obligations, home time, pay raises, promotions, fair treatment, good equiptment ect ect??

Company Yes we do, we'll take care of him/her...and totally live up to our obligations...we'll treat them well...now come here babe and kiss me...

fast forward 2-3 months...



'Babe, where's my dinner!?'...

I need load delivered yesterday...no you can't go home yet...I own you, your mine, and if you quit I'll make it so you never find another mate in trucking...(Dac)...
Now come here and give big pappa another kiss...

Ok, I had my fun...

That scenerio can go in many different directions...and not all companies require you to travel to orientation...obviously I presented the more cynical side of it...

But it's sexier that way...to explore or exploit your own fears...that way whatever you really face, won't seem so bad...

I really wish I could produce movies...and make some money off this creative mind of mine...anyways...thanks for giving me that platform in which to write...later...

(the kid or infant represents the custimors, the shipper consinee, who your expected to take care of, and who's needs
your expected to put above your own)

 

Just because I'm not trucking...doesn't mean I'll be succesful...

Just because I've left the truck, doesn't mean my life will somehow blossom into opportunity..

It doesn't mean nothing, other than I made a decision...the consequences of that decision have yet to be seen...

Ye sure, I can have my good 'moments'...but that doesn't equate into success or money...

Like I wrote earlier...flying around in the safety of the airplane...



Is one thing...while inside the airplane...I can or could say whatever...cause I was above ground and relatively safe...although the ride was getting bumpy...

But then I actually jumped out...I leaped...



Cause I'm not wired right or something....
And so now I'm in a blissful free fall...
Will the parachute open before I hit the ground?
Do i have the nessicary skills, emotional fortitude, to prevent disaster??

Only time will tell...

One thing for sure, this is not a scripted movie or book where after you make a decision you live 'Happily ever after'...no...

Sometimes this is your ever after...



But whatever it is, I'll face it standing up....

 

What do I mean by that??

Built up energy...like smoking cigarettes...you can't just quit over night...well you can, but certain habits will linger until you figure out what else to do...

Same with driving...when your whole every waking minute of your life was absorbed with driving, and the agitations and moods that came with it...it takes a while to seek emotional balance again...

Like now for instance...normally I'd be headed up to Augasta, GA...and going through that routine...

Instead though, I'm at home...my body and moods got use to that agitation...and so now I have to realize...no...I don't have to be anywhere...and that it's ok to relax....(folks that takes a while, I've only been away from this stuff for a week, and just turned in truck yesterday)

Ok, so it's going to take a while to adjust...that may include emotional outbursts,, mood changes, who knows...

So, today, instead of climbing in truck...I took a bike ride...and some guys started laughing at my legs...



Ok, I can't help it if I like wearing normal cycling stuff, that shows my slim trim legs...sorry, but i'm just not into the oversized goofy Fat Albert type clothing...

I like slim and trim....

And then, later on in the bike trip...some kids were walking in the middle of the street...and I told them 'Hey, watch out for cars'...

And the one kid said 'Yes Ma'am'..

Ok now wait a minute...I am not a lady, nor do I look like one...
I use it only as a metaphor on here...

The kid called me 'Ma'am'....but then corrected himself...

Yes it was windy, and my hair was all messed up...but I still in no way, look like a Ma'am...

Maybe the sun light was blocking their view...I don't know...

My style is so different than these South East hoody types...they are so primitave...I so don't fit in where I'm at...

I'm a West Coast Seattle, WA type guy...the birth place of Grunge and Jimmi Hendrix..



And now I find myself around Huckleberry fin types who still think it's 1952....

Even certain Southern cities are very country and backwards...

There would be no art or color in the world, if such people ruled...everything would just be a grey tone....

I despise that young dense urban grin also...when faced with something or a style, never seen before...here comes that dense urban grin...

'Well Gee, I've never seen that style before, duh...and rather than realize not everyone in the world reflects my style or taste...gee uh...I just think I'll laugh...giggle giggle giggle...duh...'

I'll be the one laughing at you young man, when in a few years, you can't find a job and are locked up in jail doing the wild thing...duh...

So stop starring at my legs, and the way I talk and carry myself...

It's called 'class'...and just because I can carry on a conversation and you can't, don't get mad at me, that your parents kept you ignorant with all that slang talk...

Your a grown man and can't even speak right...but get mad at me cause I can??

And just because I'm elegant, and carry myself with style and taste, doesn't mean I'm gay...nor does it mean you can approach me at night, when your friends are no longer looking, to see if I really am or not...

You urban southern dummies make me sick sometimes...same habits, same talk, same clothes, same music...break the mold already...

Ok, I'm done with personal rant...

back soon...

 

Ok, before I go to bed tonight, I need to give myself some perspective here...

Also, note to reader...sometimes you gotta read this thread with a grain of salt...and or read it, the way you would watch the Benny Hill Show...



There is a lot of parody in this thread...actually there's a lot of everything...parody, spoofs, drama, sadness, joy some humor, but you gotta know how to catch it...and just real life day to day issues...

Now, back to Perspective...

1. I turned truck in yesterday, Saturday...today is Sunday...

Sometimes one day can feel like a week and a week like a day...today felt like a week...but in the end, it's only been one day since I turned truck in...
And one day, since I got vehicle out of shop and running again...one day ok....that's important...cause not even I can conquer the world in one day...

2. I've always known this about trucking in my life...it gives you, gave me the illusion that I had a life, when I really didn't.....(at least not after i started driving)

A few years ago I was involved in a whole different type of life, had friends contacts, that I met at a school I went to...

I was trying to rebuild my life even back then...and it was working...until I had to resign from a job...
But I still stayed in touch with people...but my biggest mistake was getting back inside of a truck...basically 'running away' from my problems...(trucking conditions you to do that)...and as such was thrust back into the abyss of OTD...
And it was my comfort sheild for a quick minute, as I was so disappointed at what I had failed at...

(there's so many details I'm leaving out...)

Anyways...all ties I had were severed...those friends, special relationships...severed do to just not staying in contact...and moving around...

So to think I can just jump out of truck, and immediatly make new friends and land in a social circle, is unrealistic...those things take a while....

Not to mention I'm not from, where I'm currently living....

So again...it will take time....

And I know this...but sometimes, or even often, have to remind myself...

3. My life, and what it resembles now, is the residual affect OTR has had on my life...it has basically left it hallow...an empty shell of what formerly was...
And now I have to fight to get that back...to fill it up again with purpose and activity...

And again...it won't happen over night...

Trucking has left my life barren, and empty, like the moons surface...



And it is up to me to make it fertile again...but it will take much toiling and sweat...and time....

There's a planting season and a growing season, and a harvesting season...

Right now I'm I'm just still surveying the landscape, the damage...and beggining to prepare the soil...

I'm not afraid, or embarraced to admit that my life, as it is right now, is barren, of the things that bring most joy...(well yes and no)(the main thing that gives me joy is me)...but you know what I'm saying...unless you just started reading this post here...then you won't have a clue...

When I say barren I mean barren of social activity...I use to have membership to a club, where I could meet people...and was attached to a higher instution of learning...and study groups, party groups, and even church...all that is gone now, and the people I knew...

The trucking lifestyle has strip mined my life, and left it barran...
(But if you love what you do and throw your heart and soul
into it, it will be worth it to you...)


Because no one else I knew was into trucking...they all had regular be at home every day type of jobs...or careers...

It would be like going off into deep space for 80 years, and then returning and expecting for things to still be the same...

So there will be an adjustment period for me...I'm a very out going person...so rebuilding a life for myself will not be a problem...it will just take a bit of time...

4. Assuming I, we, have it (time)...meaning life...and or health...that's why time is nothing to play with...an hour from now...anything could happen...I, we, can't always assume we have endless time in which to get things done...cause we don't...
But that's beyond any of our control...

Anyhow...believe it or not, my mood has kinda changed since starting this...and so have events...micro events...(I'm sick of these cat's disturbing me all night)

And so I will wrap this up and get caught up on some football scores...and then...study a bit for a test I gotta take tomorrow, clean, straighten up...maybe even read the bible, and just live I guess...

later...