So my husband wants to become a trucker

While I agree in essence with the last comment, lets try to help find a suitable solution to the problem, rather than give in to our group tendencies to play "Dear Abby" in response to this post.

If there are going to be marital difficulties down the line, trucking may exacerbate them some, but they will happen whether he changes jobs or not.

Just as all people are not cut out to be truckers, not all people are cut out to be married to or involved with truckers. Some jobs require more from both parties than a straight 9-5 job does, and trucking falls into that category.

(Of course, it's easy for me to say that because I'm single.....)

 

Being retired mil my wife thinks 10 days is a cake walk and I'm glad the military prepeped her for this life. I have a very good wife the only complant shes had so far is when I was gone and she could not find the plunger for the tolet since we had just moved and made her mad to have to go buy a new one.. One thing that we do is I gave her a copy of the companys policy of days off for how many days out, so she tells me how long to stay out and when to come home. It lets her plan around it and have a big hunny do list for me when I get home.

 

Thanks Burky. Once again the voice of reason. Someone comes online looking for advice or direction (insight) and we have those that want to cut them off at the knees. There happiness or lack there of is none of our concern. Some points made were valid. It has to be a decision that has to be made by both partners and both must understand the up's and downs of any profession.

 

Not cutting anyone off at the knees. It is as it is. Not a good job for a family with that outllook on trucking. Best advise if you are going to bail on your husband if he goes trucking tell him not to truck. Plain and simple!

 

greencherry, Everyone is quick to jump down your throat and hang you out to dry, but you are just asking honest questions. You and your husband have to sit down and be brutally honest with each other. Only the two of you what you both need to be happy. Some couples are very happy with the lifestyle, for others it is torture. You need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what type of woman that you are. Do you need your man around for constant reassurance, company, and to fix things? Are you the type to get lonely sleeping in the bed alone? Will your mind play tricks on you wondering what he is doing? Or will you relish the extra time alone to devote to a hobby that you can't seem to squeeze in with him around? Will you enjoy the solitude or will it drive you insane? Are you the type to be satisfied with a romantic homecoming once a month or so, or will your mind (and body) wander if you spend too many nights alone? Do you have kids, or do you want kids? Children at home add a whole other layer to the questions.

There are no right or wrong answers to any of the questions that you both need to ask each other. But you must ask and be on the same page. There is no shame in admitting that you won't be able to handle it if your husband is gone for weeks at a time. But you must be up front and honest with your husband about this. This is not the time to try and hide your feelings from him. If you have a solid marriage now, it should be able to withstand whatever it needs to as long as you both are up front and honest. If your marriage isn't solid now, don't expect it to improve. Despite the harsh responses that you have received, you are just asking what is on your mind. Good luck to you and your husband.

 

Like I said, the military analogy is just stupid. Marriage is a two way street and if one partner is dead set against something that the topic is a dead one! There are many people who decided that they can make it and get used to the idea of having their husband or wife take a absent role as their mate and as a parent. The spouse who got married to be "together till death do us part" did not sign on to be basically made to be a single parent for most of the year.

If two people want to enter into something of this scale, that's fine. If one spouse wants nothing of the idea then it is up to the partner wanting whatever it is to knock it off and accept their partner's wishes. The other partner has made the personal sacrifice to dedicate their life to the other, their opinion about not wanting to enter into such a crapshoot as trucking should be listened to.

 

You and I have a different outlook on life. I do what I have to do to provide for my family. My wife does the same. We are in this together no matter where I go. Too bad you don't understand till death do we part. I Have a good wife. She supports everything I do. She knows that I do the best for my family. I have been overseas twice. I can count on her to be there when I come back stateside or home from the truck. Call it what you want, but what is stupid is you not understanding that it takes work and trust to make a marriage work. Neither me or my wife will bail when it gets tough. Some people find it easy to bail on their partner. I did not get married with that out look on marriage; neither did my wife.

 

DUH! I said this was a choice and you both made it. For one partner to make up their mind to change the family's life and whole structure and to what amounts to the stay at home partner as abandonment. That takes a choice and the acceptance of both partners. If one partner is dead set against this, it doesn't mean that they are wrong in the slightest. They didn't sign on to marriage to see their partner what amounts to once a month. They didn't sign on to being left to care for everything. The military is a different issue entirely IF you were in the military when you met. If you joined afterwards, and the spouse agrees then great. If the other partner is against it, the success of the plan stinks.

 

I agree with what you said in regard to trucking 100%.
That was great advice. I think however (while I respect your viewpoint) the military jump was out there. When married and sent overseas, yes I would expect support from my wife and expect her to be glad to see me home.
This would be true especially in the reserves when called back to duty. If this a career decision, that affects both partners lifes,and has nothing to do with service of country, then yes the decision should be mutual or it probably will not work. I'm just saying that I feel her intent was to get feedback good, bad or indifferent and some of the forum seemed to turn against this woman for no apparent reason. Probably everyone on this forum joined
in the beginning seeking some kind of wisdom or guidence from folks experienced in the field. I just hate to think she won't sign back on for any future insights due to how some of her concerns were addressed.