Concerns with the future of flatbedding

Scene: the hackers have overridden all the road magnets that control the "auto trucks" to block the way for Sixx and his Freighthauler6000. The rig is stuck in a myriad maze now known as western pennsyltucky.
His only hope to get the load thru: Kaitlin. His KTA powered A model Extended hood with 800 throbbing horses.
The scene opens as Sixx pulls an old army tarp off of Kaitlin in a deserted barn. He slides his hand down her fender, the tips of his fingers just inside the fender well,
"Don't give me no plastic saddle: I want to feel that leather when I ride" he says popping the door open.
Smog detectors over the myriad maze blare their burnt red lights as he and Kaitlin chug under them. Mouth breathers gasp in discomfort from the non filtered air.

 

A long time ago, on a highway far, far away...

IIRuthless is sitting at the lunch counter. A man walks up.

"Are you IIRuthless?"
"Who wants to know?"
"I am JB the Hunt. I hear you have a fast steeringwheel. I have a high value load I need moved."
"Sorry. I don't work for Hunts."
"Sir, you are the only Overrider in the country of New England that has a hyperdrive. Without a hyperdrive, you will run out of fuel before you hit Pennsyltucky. How much do you need?"
"2 mil"
"2 mil? Dollars? That's insane."
"5 mil."
"5??????"
"2.5 up front, 1 mil when I hit hyperdrive, and the balance when I power down my steeringwheel."
"Well, how do I know that you can make it?"
"Sheila dear, can you tell the gent why I can make the jump to hyperdrive?"
"Sir, he still has his cajones. His wasn't removed at birth."
"Cajones? They were outlawed a half a century ago! Okay, you got a deal!"

(Later)

"Street Beat, got a copy?"
"Hello. Come in."
"This is IIRuthless. I got an Imperial Bear on my donkey. I am about to make the jump to hyperdrive."
"An Imperial Bear? What did you do?"
"Well, I was having mind sex with the ol lady without a head free device..."
"Dude! That's major points!"
"Yeah, I know. I need you to clear the left lane at the Pennsyltucky line."
"But you haven't made it to the New York Desert! Do you know the odds of making successfully navigating metro traffic in Hyperdrive?"
"NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS! Just clear the lane."
" Clear!"

So I'm having this dream. This local cop was trying to catch me. But he wasn't fast enough. Then this minivan cut me off. But I avoided contact. Then this big bad Imperial Bear jumped on my tail. And just as he was about to catch me...the Hyperdrive...KICKED...IN.

 

LMFAO you guys are whacked. Thread of the year. Someone sticky this. Pray God your random drug screens don't come up. Hope you guys copyrighted the screenplay because TTR owns it now.

JB the Hunt. OMFG

 

I want tickets for the premier!!!!

 

Im still laughing about JB the Hunt.

 

Actually, the FearMonger comments were made to ward away the fear mongers. We are not afraid.

The industry is chocked full of fear mongers. When you go to a truckstop restaurant and sit at the lunch counter, you have 3 kinds of drivers there: the FearMonger, CommanderMcBragg and the Specialist. Tv's on the weather channel.

Mongers: Uh oh...bad weather is coming. It's coming right at us! Be afraid! Be very afraid!
McBragg: There! New Orlean,LA. Have I ever told you about the time where a flatbedder paid me to tarp his load during Katrina? Made $8000. Unfortunately, the truck was washed out to sea...
Specialist: (to himself) The systems running due north. I need to head due south. It is projected to hit here 4 hours...how far down can I make it and let it blow over...250 miles...
Monger: Oh, this one is gonna be bad. The governor might declare a state of emergency...be afraid. Be very afraid.
McBragg: There! Labadee,Haiti. Did I ever tell you the time when I went there for vacation, and the natives overthrew the government? Had a group of rebels attack me with machetes, but I fought them off using a bath towel. I was taught the Terrible Towel by grandmaster Sensei Mean Joe.
Specialist:...fast moving system....15 minute delay...Hello sir, I will be there at 1415. Yes. Thanks. Bye.

 

That was hilarious. you guys are all crazy.

 

The real crazy part is that was a slow day here. Wait till we get going. Go look at the drunken nun in prius thread...

 

I did a quick search but didn't find anything. Got a link?