Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

The Warriors....1979...



For those of you either old enough to have seen the original release of the Warriors, or who may have rented the DVD...you may or may not relate to what I'm about to write...it depends on how much you pay attention to movies you watch...for the little things...that actually end up being big...

Through out this movie...the whole premise was this gang, making it back to their 'home turf'....after being falsely accused of 'offing' another gang member at a 'gang summit'....

The Warriors...have to fight their way through various rival gang territories before they finally make it home...ragged torn, and weary.....

But the scene that really stood out to me was when the leader of the group...after over coming all sorts of odds to lead his group back home...climbs to the top of a building, and looks out over his empire....

Now this is key...

Because his expression said it all....as the camera panned the landscape...what you saw was depravity....the slums....



This is what he was looking at (or something simular...)...

And his expression on his face said the following...

This is what we fought to return to?

It was a really telling moment in the film...
For the first time...the leader looked out across his empire...and saw it for what it was....a wasteland of sorts...
A new realization that the previous nights adventure had awakened in him...


It was 'hllish'...while out on the streets fighting to return home...
And when they returned, they found they found themselves returning to a hllish enviornment not much different than that they had just escaped from...just different tones...


And that's how i feel sometimes....it's like I'm in two extremes of grey tones....

Road life sucks....and then when I return home, to a certain landscape...it sucks too.....

Both ends are grey right now....
As such, where are my points of enspiration...?

Or to put it in a way most guys on here could probablly relate to better...

'Your out on the road putting up with 'crap'...then you come home for 2-3 days.. your domestic partner (wife or husband) makes your home life miserable...'

So where do you get your rest?

 

How are you doing today guy??

It's been a busy long one for me...I almost quit...just felt like quiting...

And I gave someone the sign today...at a rest area...after they practically tried to run me over...yes a trucker...

A self loathing trucker who I guess see's no value in their own life, and so figures no one elses life has value or meaning...

That's what prolonged stay in this enviornment will do to ya...

There is no more uppers in this enviornment...I mean I'm usually a cheerleader wherever I go.....

I try to make people laugh, lift spirits, whatever...but sometimes the self loathing gloom I encounter out there is just so thick...that not even I can penatrate it....

Practically every guy I saw today had a beard like Santa Claus...and was over 50 years of age....

I can only do so much to lift moral...
Those who didn't have beards like Santa Claus...wobbled like penguins...due to weight or health issues...

Ok, just not very inspiring....at times, I actually felt more inspired when I was homeless...I know that sounds odd...but I did...I saw more inspiration while I was homeless than I do now at times...

There's more to sustaining the human spirit than a paycheck...

I really don't know how much longer I can hold out in this enviornment...

Where people listen to angry talk radio all day, and then project that anger onto you...allow talk show hosts to dictate how they relate to their fellow man or woman...

If I'm still doing this after the 1st of Jan, I'll really be suprised...

Hey...U4EA...my next post will be about a character you remind me of...who starred in a movie...this is based on what you shared on here in a previous post...

Coming up next...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCYwcObxl78

This is so you...from what you shared with me...you and your big dreams...and your former associates...your a big thinker...like me...

And like to do things with pizzaz...but for some reason we both find ourselves off our intended paths....

But I dedicate this video to you...Sallue...

 

How to escape....



I find myself trapped inside a box...a circumstancial box...one I cannot seem to escape from at the moment...but I know to stay inside would, will, and does mean certain death to my soul and spirit....

I am trapped in a world that can no longer 'feed me'...the marriage has come to this...totally one sided.(sex is good only for the one on top)...production continues, through my labour...whether I am happy or not is totally irrelivant to that equation...

It's actually a world or existance more and more people find themselves in...where many peoples existance has been reduced to mindless labour...
Trying to escape their circmunstances from a check to check subsistance...which is virtually impossible...for now days without massive amounts of cash or good credit...your basically stuck....

That's why satisfaction has got to come from other areas of your life...

It's called balance....but with other jobs you put in your grueling 8-12 hour shift...and then your done...you go home...forget about work...and do whatever...you seek that other balance with family, friends, hobbies, sports ect ect....

Many trucking routes won't allow you that 'other'...in your life...
Many times the sporadic unpredictable schedualing makes it so you really can't do anything else cause someone else decides when and how you spend your time...
And if your over the road...you can definatly forget it...

With trucking...it's easy to start your day at 6:00am...and not even get done until 10:00 pm....(And the bulk of that surrenderd yet essential time, you don't even get paid for)
I mean that's a lot of time to concentrate on one activity that you don't even enjoy....

It's one thing if your a movie producer, working around talented people, and different projects all day, figuring ways to put together projects that will earn you millions down the road...

It's another thing to be a driver...spending that time stuck at a warehouse...where there's no food, it's freezing cold out...the bathroom inside hasn't been remodeled since 1962, alone in your truck, no one else talks to you...and those you do encounter look like the cast from Mad Max and the Thunderdome....

It's all about enviornment...and what your getting done and accomplishing during that time....



There's gotta be a way for me to break out of here...this prison...it will take strength and bravery on my part...when I was younger...I didn't mind making sudden reckless decisions...
It's almost as if being ignorant in this world makes you stronger...
When you don't know how the odds are stacked against you...you seem to do better in life...

To be honest with you...i wouldn't mind just getting a tent...and living in the woods for 2-4 months...and just reseting my clock...getting back to basics...learning what's really important again...food, water, self, enviornment...and yes..even God...

We get shuffled around so quick and fast in this enviornment, that we seem to forget about those things...everything becomes artifiscal stimulation...just like in the food...and artifiscal things can't really sustain you...



Life, our lives, have become like this...everything is artifiscal and fake...and we wonder why depresion is so rampant now days...

Yes...I need to take a tent into the woods for a few months...and rediscover what it is to live again...



For the happiness I seek, really doesn't involve the hussle and bussle of mans society...rather it involves finding self again...in an enviornment free of noise, machinery and scheduale....I guess basically freedom...