Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

Hi, I almost did it this morning...I almost called in and said it...

Last night I was 'pumped up'.(no...not in that way)..but today...the further the day advances...and as I look ahead to the usual scheduale, unpredictable hog tied scheduale of the week...little or no joy, enthusiasm is generated...

It's hard for me to work this job, and plan other things at the same time...why??

Because this job takes up the bulk of my time and energy...and my best ideas come to me while I'm driving...during peak energy hours...

But driving takes full concentration...if not, you wreck...so by the time I get done with my duties...I'm wore out...and all the zeal and energy I had during the day, are wasted...

I am such a people person...I'm just wired that way...



I feed off of others energy...I never get tired or bored when around others...but when doing long boreing dull exhaustive work all along...I have nothing to motivate me...

And that's exactly what this enviornment is...long exhaustive hours all alone...and it's taking it's toll on my spirit...

And it's not getting better...I'd actually rather work two part-time jobs than this...where I'm around people, and can laugh, and share, and date, and hang out...
That alone is a big pay off to me...cause it's through people that you usually are introduced to other and better opportunities...

I'm still a fairly decent looking fella...I have a Richard Gere type of classiness about me in real life...(only I'm more tan than him)

To some I'm handsome and stellor, and to others I'm 'cute'...just depends on ones leanings I guess...but women think I'm handsome and stellor...

I can play to either side, depending on mood and or enviornment and or how many beers I've had....

But all that aside...I can't waste that out here...where none of that matters...and does nothing to advance your career...where your in and out of places so fast, people havent time to absorb you...

I went out last night and purchased a few nice shirts...that has me looking Ivy league/corporate...



I did that on purpose...to remind myself of my potential...and to deliberatly contrast myself from current enviornment of oil stained jeans and shirts...

I even had a guy compliment me today...not in a gay way...but in a 'wow, you look good' type of way...

(I know that's hard for some of you John Wayne types to understand, don't worry about it..)...

And I really don't...it's just when you take care of yourself in this enviornment you really stand out...but in the 'normal' competitive world of my peers and or younger folks...I wouldn't stand out at all...ok, actually I would...but do to a combination of looks and personality...

(I can just hear some of ya throwing up right now):smt078

'Like who does this guy think he is, he is so full of himself'...

There...I said it for you...hope your happy now...

But it's that confidence and pizzaz that seperates those who make movies, and those who pay to watch....

Between those who headline concerts, and those who pay to see them....

But...also remember...more often than not...people like me fail....

They say that most succesful people have failed many times, before they actually hit it big...just follow any of their stories and you'll see what I mean...from business owners to stars, to athletes to polititians to talk show hosts...

Haven't time to explain why now...but a lot of it has to do with enviornment...and luck of the draw...and who your around at the time...

Some enviornments or people are like dark pits...like throwing a bright diamond down a dark wet abandoned well...

And other people are more like atomic accelerators



They compliment and accelerate your abilities by first being hungry themselves, and second, seeing how that hunger in others, could greatly benefit themselves...

People like that are known as accelerators...they will thrust your career ahead to where it should be by placing you around the right folks and opportunities that best match your skills and interests...

Again it's all about enviornment and who you soround yourself around...the type of mindset...

Anyhow...I pulled over to rest, not type...but by now you should know how my mind is...

back soon...maybe then I will have made that call...we'll see...

 

not sure how I feel yet....


The chains not fully cut yet...but I've started the process...



Hello, I made the call....got a voice mail...but still expressed my intentions...
Not quite sure how to feel about it yet...initially I felt a sigh of relief....a big sigh of relief....

I was feeling so low...It was dark, I was cruising down the highway...and just felt so empty, so alone on the inside...and I was like 'I just can't go through this anymore'...

And then started thinking about the Holidays...and it was just to much to bare...it's as if the call was forced out of me by self survival instinct...like a reflex of sorts...and emotional reflex to save yourself...

Mind you, I've been homeless before...


(this may come as a suprise to you, but I felt more alive when I was homeless
than I do now...It's like I had something to fight for, to live for back then,
The challenge of day to day life, where as now 'routine' is killing me..)

I was around stuff you don't want to know about...but somehow I survived...and rose up...and I never begged...never...was tooken advantage of, and put myself in reckless situations...point being...I had the resolve to stay focused and rise up through it all...and came out 'tougher'....

Not that it would ever come to that again...but if it did, I know now I can survive...

(that would never happen again)(infact I was taking college courses during a duration of that time)....(but that's for a book)...

Anyhow...I'm not trying to be reckless anymore, nor is this about me being arogant and ####y and or over confident, I'm aware of what can happen if you make the wrong decisions, expecially the older you get...but at the same time I can't allow my spirit to die, in an enviornment that can no longer feed me...

This enviornment just doesn't feed my spirit anymore...I mean I was so lonely tonight I even started talking to that one lady...when i was checking in...I just wanted to be by someone, anyone...

Anyways...I got the ball rolling now...we'll see what happens tomorrow...
Maybe they'll talk me out of it...

 

Good night...

I'm wore out...another long grueling day...with no one to be around and hug...

For dinner...one apple...



One delicious apple for dinner...goodnight...I'm going to bed now...

 

My story (this story)(our story) never ends, nor do friends...so stick around...

There is no good-by's here...nor letting go...the story goes on, with or without trucking...and so does our friendship...so get comfortable, relax, and watch...



I met this guys mother this morning...

.....



Adam Davis Defensive end, Kansas State Wildcats..
6'1" 242 Jr....out of Folkston, GA....

He has a good shot at the Pros...and I met his Mother this morning...how odd...she had on his championship rings from High school...

So watch and cheer for this guy...

You know what...I should be a journalist...I love to write anyways...hmm...

At shipper....back in a bit...

 

Thanks...I, we, just try to keep it real and raw...

This thread presents more of the 'Sopranos' version of trucking...vs say maybe 'Green acres' (the old tv serires)...




It kinda takes a look at the underside of trucking, and the effects it can have on some...

As on the surface...all seems normal, (As with Tony's family)...but upon closer examination...a lot, or some, dysfunctionality is discovered and revealed....

But it's real...real effects on real people...
Like a reality show I suppose...

And it's that 'honesty'...that willingness to discuss fraility within us all, that many or some can relate to...

They like knowing that 'Hey, I'm not the only one who feels that way'...

And believe me you, I bring a lot of that dysfunctionality to this industry and forum...

But ye, I think this thread kinda has a 'Sopranos' flavor to it in how things are shared and revealed...there's some humor, anger, saddness and tragedy all mixed in together...with an unpredictable ending...

Anyways...thanks for dropping in...

 

Yep...I did it...the two weeks is only cause the owner I work for has been so swell to me...but in the end, I think he understood...swell guy...

But I told him I just can't continue to live in isolation like this...my brains to complex for such a route...

I'm not saying I'll be succesful when I leave...probablly won't...hardship seems to be my middle name...but at least I'll be free...

My child like happy spirit came back to me earlier today when I kept thinking about leaving...I felt free and happy again...only to have that feeling burdened and over whelmed by the long night ahead...the long sleepless, loud, bright headlights in eyes, night ahead...oh I hope I can hold out...

(And with Bill O'Reily yelling at me through the radio)

With this route, there really is no sleep, just naps...

Your grogy, and really haven't time or energy to do anything else throughout the week...

At the end of the shift, I just surrender myself to the sleeper...to worn and tired for emotions...

So I did what I had to do today...to keep my spirit alive...and that spirit, is my life line to this world...

Time for rest...back soon...