Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

i dont know if im envious or skerred.........

either way im sure ole snazzy wont make it out without something bad happening

 

Yep-sounds like it's about time for Norman Bates to make an appearance. "Psycho"trucker style.

 

and welcome to the the next segment of
"The Twilight Zone-Snazzy Style"
starring Snazzy and Hot Legs with a cast of ?????????????

 

Broncrider sees, bad things happening, Big Duker sees, Norman Bates, and Pjw044 sees, the Twilight Zone. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Hot Legs nibbled on a bag of Door Eat Toes, as I steered Old Blue down the old Lake Road. It was uneven, pothole filled, with deep bar ditches on either side. The tall trees lining it had grown together. You know, like their limbs were holding hands, above us. I kept her geared down, on the low side, to prevent any damage. You know, so not to scrape her smoke stacks or damage an airbag. It had turned dark, but the snow gave off a hazy glow. Yep, a fog was slowly moving in and covering over us.

Hot Legs pointed, " That must be the cutoff and we need to keep to the left. I can't believe, it's this far back.Those other cabins weren't hidden like this ! "

I cut the wheel, " Well, maybe she rents those out first. This is one crappy road and I hope, that we don't get stuck. Oh, that must be it up ahead ! "

So, I pulled the yellow knob and gawked around. Yep, the old cabin wasn't much to look at and I'm sure, that it had seen better days. It kind of leaned to one side and had wooden shutters covering the windows. It's porch sagged, under the weight of the snow and it didn't appear to be too sturdy. Anyway, Hot Legs began gathering our gear up. You know, we'd purchased a bunch of goodies from the Wrinkled Witch. Let's see, an ice chest, filled with ice, some beer, a bottle of Windsor, some cokes, a package of hot dogs, with buns, cats-up, mustard, relish, ding dongs, chips, dips, pork hips, pickles, two pairs, a flush, toilet paper, air freshener, bug spray, mop, broom, Wesson oil, Brillo pads, Tampons, Summers Eve, shampoo, two lottery tickets, bleach, flashlight, batteries, candles, matches, toothpicks, a newspaper, and such. Anyway, as Hot Legs toted the crap in, I opened the front door. Yep, it gave out one of those deep throated eeerrrkkks. You know, it groaned and moaned, like it needed oiling. I shinned my flashlight and found the string. Yep, I yanked on it and a dimly lit bulb glowed above. There was a small round table, with two chairs, a counter, with a sink, a black potbellied stove, a bed, a step in shower, with curtain, a toilet, and not much else. I sat at the table and thumbed the newspaper.

Hot Legs placed the last bag down, " Well, you could of helped me ! "

I gave the LOOK, " You bought all of that crap ! Is that all of it ? "

Hot Legs wiped her brow, " Yeah ! Thanks a lot ! "

I cheesed, " Your welcome ! Oh ! I guess, you need to get that fire started and get something cooking. Those hot dogs and a can of beans sound good, or how about...."

Hot Legs exploded, " How about, you doing something ! "

I understood, " Alright ! I'll stuff some paper in there and you can fetch the firewood. It is a little cold in here, isn't it ? "

Hot Legs gave me the LOOK, " If you think, it's cold now, just keep it up and you'll see what cold is ! "

So, I got up and sashayed around. You know, got the fire going, opened the can of beans, made weenier holders, out of clothes hangers, and drank three beers. Hot legs sat at the table, with her arms folded.

I sat next to her, " This isn't that bad ! At least, we'll have a hot meal, a shower and a bed to sleep in. "

Hot Legs sighed, " I don't like it ! This place gives me the creeps ! "

I knew, what she was saying, " Hey look ! That ground's keeper was a retard and a brick shy. I wouldn't listen, to a word he had to say ! "

Hot Legs shivered, " Well, he gave me Goose Bumps ! Did you see, how he looked at me ? "

I defended the Idiot, " He's a retard ! He can't help that ! I mean, so what if he's crossed eyed, hunched back and has a club hand. Hell, they probably moved out here to avoid people. You know, the old lady looked like a Witch and did you see those warts, on her ? You know, back when I was a cop, one the Sgt's had warts like that. I mean, they can't help how they look ! "

Hot Legs had to ask, " You said, he has a club hand. What is that ? "

I jumped up, " Oh, the weenies are ready ! Here, their hot, so be careful. A clubbed foot, or clubbed hand is a birth defect. Mother Nature gets mixed up sometimes and confuses things. You know, grows a hand, where a foot is suppose to go, or visa versa. "

Hot Legs dressed her dog, " I thought that, maybe he was in accident, or something. It sure freaked me out ! "

I continued, " You remember, Radar ? The guy on Mash ? He had a club hand and they had to shoot around it. You know, if you look, every time he is in the picture. Well, he'll either have his hand in his pocket, or he'll be wearing gloves, or something. "

Hot Legs bit in, " Well, I still didn't like the way that guy looked at me and he didn't need to say all of that ! "

I was honest, " Well, if don't want guys slobbering all over you...."

Hot Legs educated me, " I don't mind men looking at me ! I think it's funny and they can look all they want ! But, he wasn't looking at me like that ! He was eying me over, like a piece of meat ! I mean it ! Like a wild animal looks at his food ! There's something wrong with him and did you hear what he was telling me ? "

I was honest, " I wasn't listening. What were you saying ? "

Hot Legs dropped her bomb, " He was telling me, that we shouldn't stay here and if we did. Well, something awful might happen to us ! "

I chewed on my dog, " He's an Idiot ! A big dumb, retarded, Idiot ! Hell, he might be a little off and so what ! I mean, just because he's big and scary looking, doesn't mean a #### thing ! I'm not scared of him and if he tries..."

BOOM ! BOOM ! BOOM ! Went the front door. I did what all brave men do and asked, " I wonder who that could be ? Do you want to see who it is ? "

Hot Legs hugged my neck, " You go ! It might be...."

So, Snazzers, Lurkers, and Friends, tune in tomorrow, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

the boogie man ................................

 

Or the Oscar Meyer wiener van driver. Could be lost in snowstorm.

 

Well Pjw044, Boogie Man was a good guess, but I think you'll agree, that Big Duker's Oscar Meyer Wiener Van. Well, that's a real knee slapper and cracked me up. So, Pj gets 100 Snazzy points and Duker gets 200, plus he earned Snazzer of the month. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

The two headed creature slowly inched it's was over. Well, it was Hot Legs and I doing our sneaky snake impression. You know, she was behind me, had her arms wrapped around my chest and her chin resting on my shoulder.

I used my deep voice, " Whose there ? "

The Bear growled, " State Police ! Open up ! "

So, I creaked open the squeaky door and let her in. Yep, a tough looking, all business, no nonsense, female officer. She stood six foot, was stout, middle aged, wearing a full uniform, complete with badge and Smoky Bear hat.

I greeted her, " Come on in officer ! I'm Barney Goose and this is Hot Legs. What can we do for you ? "

The Bear looked around, " Is that your truck out front and is there anyone else, with you ? "

I was honest, " No sir ! I mean, no mam ! Is there a problem ? "

The Bear shrugged, " I guess, not ! I was just surprised to see anyone here. No one ever rents this cabin out. "

I explained, " We dropped our trailer off at a construction site and they can't get us unloaded, for a couple of days. I've got the paperwork out there in my truck and we checked in here. Do you need to see it ? "

The Lady Bear waved her paw, " No ! That's alright ! Everything is fine and it's just that... Well, enjoy your stay and...."

I egged her on, " No ! If there is something going on here, that we need to know about. Well, I'd like to know and ..."

Hot Legs jumped in, " I would too ! Oh Officer, would you care for something to drink ? We've got cokes, gator aide, orange juice, canned tea, and..."

So, Lady Bear accepted a coke and took a seat. Since, there were only two chairs, Hot Legs took the other and I leaned against the sink counter. The low watt bulb above gave off a faint glow, as the fire flickered from the pot bellied stove. It was kind of eerie, because the flames created shadows that magnified everything. You know, our arms were six feet long, heads the size of pumpkins and beer cans taller than the ceiling. Anyway, I popped a top of brew and guzzled away, as Lady Bear told her tale. Yep, it was a whopper and went something like this. According to her, it all started many years ago. Of course, every good story does. There was a boys school built back here, during the great depression. You know, one of those places for misguided youths that had become wards of the state. Now, the warden and his staff were strict and cruel. Yep, they ruled with an iron fist and treated the boys like hardened criminals. You know, made them clear the land, work the fields, beat em, fed them mush, chained them in the basement, and even killed a few. Yep, there was even a graveyard and you guessed it. We were sitting, just feet from it. Yep, not a stone throw away, behind the cabin, laid the corpse of many a poor soul.

Hot Legs jumped up and crossed her legs, " I've got to pee ! "

I pointed, " It's right over there and ..."

She grabbed my arm, " I'm not going alone ! "

So, we sashayed staggered the ten feet and Hot Legs mounted the thrown. Well, I guess she did have to go. I mean, the tinkle sounds echoed like a horse pissing on a flat rock. Matter of fact, after she finished, I bled the lizard, shook it three times and farted once. Anyway, we rejoined Lady Bear and the story was still in progress. Blah, blah, blah, the boys rebelled one night and there was fire. Only a few escaped and the state covered it up. Now, at the strike of midnight, when the moon is full.

I burped, " Urrrruup ! Excuse me ! Officer, that's a good story, but it sounds like someone made it up ! I mean, graveyards, ghost, and ..."

Lady Bear smiled, " I never would of believed it. But, there is some truth to the story. I researched the records and there was a reformatory, or boys prison, back here. The records also showed it burnt down and it appeared that there was an attempt to cover some things up. "

Hot Legs was all ears, " What else ? "

The Bear paused, " Well, there were several incidents. You see, these cabins were built by the boys. This is the only one left, from back then. There others were built later on and their a lot nicer. Anyway, the story goes that whoever stays here is at risk. You know, the boys rise up and want revenge. You see, the staff lived in the cabins and ..."

I popped another top, " I get it ! Ole Ghost Boys are hacking folks up, eating their flesh, and kicking butt ! Way to go, Ghost Boys ! Way to go ! "

Hot Legs gave me the LOOK, " You shouldn't make fun of this ! "

I rolled my watery eyes, " Are you scared ? Do you think, the Ghost Boys are coming for you ? BOO ! BOO ! "

Lady Bear laughed, " Your a Hoot, Mister Goose ! But, somethings have gone on and ..."

Hot Legs wanted to know, " What things ? Tell us ! "

Lady Bear recalled, " There was the time, that those hunters disappeared. That was before I joined the force, but it's in the police files. A group of well armed, experienced hunters and never heard from again ! Not a trace, no bodies, no weapons, nothing. They searched this entire area and never found a thing ! Then, the time that those fisherman disappeared. I was a cadet back then and we dragged that whole lake. We even had search divers, cadaver dogs, and heat seeking helicopters. Nothing ! We never even found their boat. Then and this wasn't that long ago. A young, newly wed couple, who were on their honeymoon, came up missing. We found their car and it was abandoned. Not a thing wrong with it ! But, not a trace of either one. It sure makes you wonder..."

I tried to use reason, " Well, stuff happens ! I mean, the hunters might of gotten lost and eaten by bears. The fisherman might have capsized and not all boats float. Hell, it's probably still down there and their probably fish turds, by now. Hell, those newly weds might have been pulling a prank. I bet, theres an explanation, for all of that crap ! "

Lady Bear stood, " Well, your probably right and I need to get going. If you need anything, just call and let me know. "

Hot Legs took her hand, " Your not going to leave me here ! I'm not staying and there's noway ..."

I hiccuped, " What a Fray De Cat ! Hears a few folk tales and is ready to take off running ! Man, you beat all ! "

Lady Bear defended her, " She doesn't have to stay here and that's up to her. Matter of fact, it might be best if you both left now. I'm a good two hours away and ..."

I snickered, " We'll be just fine ! Now, Hot Legs ! Let go of her and simmer down. I promise, if them old Ghost Boys come around here ! I'll rip off their heads and piss down their throats ! Now, let her leave and settle down. "

So, Lady Bear drove away and Hot Legs did. No ! She didn't leave ! She settled down and the Trooper left. You know, Lady Bear ! Oh come on ! Anyway, the snow had continued falling and it began to pile up. Hot Legs took her sleeping bag and curled up next to the fire. I still had a case of beer left and decided to get really wasted. Yep, screw a bunch of Ghost Stories and that silly nonsense. Yep, I was Barney Goose ! Ten foot tall and bulletproof, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

See, i was right--it was the "Boogie Ma----er, um Person"...

 

Buckle up Pjw044, as Life Goes On. What a deal !

The two wild dogs had fought to a draw. Both had stood their ground and not given an inch. Well alright, they really weren't wild dogs. They were my hands that were pretending to be wild dogs. You know, I had bent my thumbs and separated my little fingers. Yep, that was their jaws and the bent thumbs were their ears. You know, I was playing in the shadows and bored out of my mind. Hot Legs was still wrapped in her sleeping bag and sawing logs. Now, women snore different from men. They don't make that growling, deep throated, room shaking noise. Nope, it's more like a high pitched, dog whistle, nails on the blackboard, type screeching, that comes out their nose and sings. Yep, I was tempted to squeeze her nostrils shut, but didn't have the heart. Alright, maybe it wasn't only that ! Yep, I was a little horny and might want to get some later. Anyway, I checked my timepiece and it showed ten minutes till. You know, till midnight. Yep, the Witching Hour, when the spooks, ghost and goblins were suppose to come out. Let's see, I need to stoke that fire, add a little more wood and that's better. Oh, I need to bleed the lizard, sashay stagger, sashay stagger, whip it out, whiz, whiz, whiz, shake, shake, shake, zip it up, wash my hands, dang that water is cold ! Sashay, back over there, fetch a beer, pop the top, guzzle, guzzle, guzzle, Boom ! Boom ! Boom ! Yep, it was the front door and I wasn't in the mood. You know, I was drunk as a keg rat and ready to whip the world. Now, I didn't have any weapons, but needed something. You know, to defend myself with. Hmm, this will do ! Yep, I gripped the fire poker and made my way over. Of course, I wasn't stupid and there wasn't any need to take any chances. So, I cracked open the creaky door and had a look see. Yep, four large fellas, all dressed in hunting attire. You know, old style, like Elmer Fudd would wear, checkered coats, cloth billed caps, back packs, and all shouldering shotguns. Well, I wasn't scared of them and jerked open the door. All four of them eyed me, but only one spoke.

He removed his cap, " Sorry to bother you, but we're lost and saw your light on. Could we come in and get warmed, by your fire ? "

I knew better, " What is this ? Ya'll are too old to be pulling this crap ! Look at you, all dressed up and acting like fools ! Who put you up to this ? "

He looked hurt, " Sir, you don't understand ! We've been lost in these woods forever and just can't go on ! Please, help us ! "

I jabbed, the poker at them, " Listen you Idiots and listen good ! I'll drive this straight through you ! I don't have time for this crap and ya'll need to make tracks. I'm not fooling around ! "

So, the four ghost, spooks, or goblins. You know, whatever they were suppose to be, turned and disappeared into the darkness. Yep, I sure showed them and sure felt proud of myself. I slammed and latched the door, as Hot Legs raised up. She looked like a caterpillar in that sleeping bag and her words were slurred, from just waking up.

She had to ask, " Who was that ? "

I took a swig, " ####, bunch of middle aged pranksters ! I can't believe that grown men, don't have better things to do ! Here it is, after midnight and their out there, trying to act like school kids. It makes me sick ! "

Hot Legs stretched, " YAWN ! Are you coming to bed ? "

I grinned, " What's in it for me ? Do you want to play hide the sausage ? "

Hot Legs rolled over, " No ! I'm going back to sleep ! "

So, she did ! Yep, sometimes women want to and sometimes they don't. Men need to remember that ! Yep, when they want to, take advantage and do your best. It maybe a long, long, long, time.. Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, I wasn't feeling any pain and enjoying my own company. Yep, sometimes a man's best friend is himself. Especially, when his half crocked and two sheets in the wind. Bang, Bang, Bang, went the front door. My mind voices all agreed, yep if it was them again. Well, it better not be ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Is this one of them "beer goggles" stories???
Cuz if it is.......goody,goody...i cant wait ..............