East Bound and Down......Way Down

My DM gave me a good load and I was anxious to get back on the road. I had a good feeling about this trip. It will be the trip of all trips. I fired up the ol Thunderbolt Grease Slapper and that 12 hp Briggs sure purred like a kitten. I hop in the truck and head out, excited and feeling like a kid.

1 hour later......

I finally make it to the end of my street. The highway was just up ahead and I would soon be hearing the hum of the tires beating that open road. I make my way onto the highway and my mind's jukebox immediately started playing Jerry Reed's "East Bound and Down" (Though I was headed West). I put the hammer down and with the wind at my back, I was soon up to a breakneck speed of 25 mph.

About 450 feet into my trip, I was passed on the right hand side by an Amish buggy. The driver gave me the one fingered wave and yelled something like "You little f##ker!". I must have heard him wrong. I'm sure what he said was "Nice rig".

2 hours later.....

I'm now 1000 feet into my trip. A county mounty decided to pull me over. He got off of his power wheels police car and strolled up to my rig while removing his leather gloves and aviator sunglasses. He said "You went a little fast in that turn there buddy and your trailer ended up in the ditch". My heart stopped beating. One of the worst things that could happen to a trucker just happened to me. My mind immediately jumped to the future and I could see the steam coming out of my DM's ears as he was telling me to turn in my keys. I looked around to the trailer that the officer was referring to and had a bit of a chuckle. "Officer" I said with a new found confidence. "that can't be MY trailer. My trailer didn't have wheels on the top of it". I left him standing at the side of the road with that puzzled look on his face. "What an idiot" I thought to myself.

Farther down the road.....

Whenever my friends ask me "Sam, what's the worst thing about your job?" I always reply with "You have to be very careful out there and always pay attention. A trucker never really knows what's about to happen next". I was reflecting on the day's events and must have succumbed to white line fever because I didn't notice a deer had jumped out in front of me right in front of a toll booth. I slammed on the brakes. With tires squealing and rubber smoking, my rig finally came to a rest but not before I hit the poor deer. My heart was pounding in my throat and my shirt was soaked with sweat. I have never killed anything before in my life. I jumped off my rig and ran to the front of it to check on the deer. He laid there motionless. There wasn't any blood but I guess you can't really expect a gruesome scene when you hit something at 25 mph. I stand over the deer, grab his antlers, and shake his head. The big guy came back to life and jumped up startled. The bad news is I was on his back and he was running like an escaped con. The lady in the toll booth seen us coming and thank God she lifted up the toll booth arm or else I would have been picking splinters from my ##### for the next week.

The deer gave a wild buck once we were on the other side of the booth and I fell off. Bloody, bruised, and with the wind knocked out of me, I hobbled back towards my rig. The toll booth arm came slamming down as I neared the booth and a woman's voice said "$3.75 sir!". I tried to focus but my retinas were bleeding. I said "What? You must be kidding. You just saw me on a deer and..." With that she cut me off. "$3.75 sir!!" This lady wasn't joking. She wore her heavily starched uniform with pride and her hair was pulled back into a bun so tight that she couldn't blink. I paid the $3.75 and continued on to my rig. I fired up ol grease slapper one more time and wiped the blood from my eyes with what I thought was a paper towel but it ended up being the bill of lading. I put the truck in motion and headed toward the toll booth. The arm came slamming down again. "$25.00 sir!". Now here is where the real problems begin. I was $24.75 short of the toll fee. I tried to plead with the lady but she had no sympathy for me. She told me that I would be better off flipping burgers. Well, I just seen red.

According to the prosecutor and witnesses at the scene, I drove my rig right thru the booth. I don't remember any of it as I was blinded by rage. I do recall though that my "escape" was cut short due to running over a nail that flattened my front tire. The toll booth lady caught up to me and beat knots upon my head. The ER doctors said they had a helluva time getting her off of me when the paramedics brought me in. Evidently she had rode in the ambulance with me while continuing to beat the life out of me.

The judges gavel fell and in a very stern voice he said "Mr. Hell, that will be 30 days or $500!". I said "I'll take the $500. I could use the money seeing as how I'm out of a job". That kind judge put me into a new career of rebuilding that toll booth. If you are near the H.E. Bailey turnpike, stop by and say hello. I'm gonna be here a while.

 

0 Wow what a night, good thing the deer didn't take off with you to the north pole, that would be hard to explain. You didn't know you had to have money or ezpass. I have heard if someone has flown by the tolls in Chicago areas, they will mail you a notice to pay.

Husband had hit a deer in his Volvo that just stepped out in front of us in Iowa, we had just left a rest area a few miles behind us and bam. It took out the passenger side light and some of the quarterpanel, and cracked the hood. Don't know how it kept from doing worse damage. Deer went under truck, not much left of it. Drove to a dealer in Des Moines after delivering load and they did more emergency surgery to get it back on the road, ie the headlight esp. Took it back to home terminal for more extensive repairs.

I don't see why anyone wants to fly as some of the speed limits allow with all the deer, I counted no less than 36 on a load going to VA, a lot of them eating on the cut grass on the berm. I did notice though in Iowa, that they were putting up more fences along the roads, hope this helps some.

 

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Well,the good news is that now I know where my ex wife is,sorry she beat you about the head and shoulders so severely.,now you know why she's my ex.

 

Man Son...that reminds me of the song from C.W. MCcall...Wolf Creek Pass, but at least you weren't driving with a guy named earl with a load of U.S.D.A choice of cluckers.

 

I laughed so much I don't need to do sit ups for a week. That was brilliant.

 

:smt043:smt038

that was too funny !!!!!!!

 

Glad y'all enjoyed it

 

Now is everyone ready for the stupid qustion of the week??

Did this really happen or where you just thinking we needed a good laugh?? If so, you hit the nail on the head for me!! Thanks!!

 

It was all for a laugh. Glad you liked it