Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Hang on Pjw044, here we go, as Life Goes On.

I jerked open the door and eyed my three visitors. They were a sight to behold, but about what I had expected. You know, all soaking wet and shivering in the cold. They had on fishing outfits, complete with orange life saver vest, hooks in their caps, wading boots on, and carrying rods and reels. A thin coat of ice sparkled in the moonlight and ice cycles were formed around their noses and mouths. Yep, I was impressed alright, as the one who spoke, spoon his yarn.

His teeth chattered, " Sir, we've had a terrible accident ! Our boat capsized and we almost drowned ! We swam ashore and now we're lost ! Can we come in and warm, by your fire ? "

I spat, " Man ! You Idiots are something else ! It's freezing cold out here and you'll be lucky not to catch new moan ya ! Where did your buddies run off to and who put you up to this ? "

Chatter Teeth swore, " I swear sir, we need help ! One of friends is still missing and possibly has drowned. We have frostbite and..."

I raised the poker, " Look, you Idiots ! I'll give you frostbite ! Do ya'll see this ! I'll ram it right up your rumps and ream out your innards ! Now, get the hell out of here and don't come back ! Scat ! Get ! "

So, the fishing party retreated into the darkness, as I slammed the door. Yep, I had to hand it to them. I mean, they sure were dedicated and that did take some gonads. Yep, it had to be below twenty degrees and colder than a Well Diggers butt. Yep, they sure took their practical jokes serious in these neck of the woods. Anyway, I tossed down the poker and checked on the caterpillar. You know, Hot legs in her sleeping bag. She was still snoring away or making those female sounds. You know, like a teakettle whistling through it's nostrils. Now, I tried to put things off. I mean, torture isn't my favorite thing to do, but sometimes a man has to do, what a man has to do. I sashayed staggered back and eyed the beast. It looked larger than I remembered and sent chills up my spine. Neither of us gave an inch and stood facing each other. I decided to tease it and lowered my drawers. Yep, I spun around and wiggled my bare bottom right it's face. The silence was deafening, as I braced myself and prepared to suffer it's stinging bite. Beads of sweat popped up on my forehead, as my knees grew weak and pain raced across my face. Now, experience had taught me that it can be done two different ways. You know, slow and drawn out or quick and easy. You know, all at once or a little at a time. Both have their plus and minuses. The slow way isn't as painful, but draws things out and the quick way is instant, but takes more courage. It may of been the beer, or perhaps it was the hot dogs and beans. Anyway, I decided to go for broke and end the ordeal. My eyes watered, as pain filled tears dripped down my cheeks. I tried to scream out in agony, but my gritted teeth blocked any sounds from escaping. I held my hands together and tightened my fingers. You know, like I was praying and maybe I should had. The volts of shocking, nerve killing, words can't explain, unbelievable, oh, the humanity of it all, mother of Moses, take me now, I'll never sin again, and that's a promise ! Yep, those cold toilet seats are real show stoppers.

Anyway, things managed to settle down and I was just sitting there. That's when I noticed it. Yep, just across from me was a spider in his web. Well, it might have been a female, but I wasn't going to stick my head, between it's legs to find out. It was up in the corner of the shower. You know, one of them stand in kind that has a drain in the middle. The curtain was open and the faucet was dripping. My mind voices began wondering, what it would be like. You know, if I were that spider, could I do what it does. You know, build a trap and wait for my prey, or did I have it in me. I guess, they have to eat and they do work hard. Yeah, half of my mind voices agreed that I could cut it, but a few disagreed and they all started arguing. Well, I got distracted and looked away. Yep, being a spider can't be all that bad. You get eight legs, eight eyes, hair to protect you, two big fangs to suck blood with, most other insects are scared to death of you, sleep when you want to, get to build your own house, can move when you feel like it, and what was that ? What ? There it goes again ! I don't know ! What the hell ? Yep, it was the spider and man was he in a pickle. Yep, some big old Dragonfly, with a set of wings, as big as a B-52's, had done pulled a good one. I guess, he must not of seen that web and had flown right into it. Well, the spider must of thought he had won the lottery and smacked his lips. Yep, you guessed it ! That Dragonfly was buzzing around like a jet propelled copter and that spider was hanging on for dear life. It was like seeing a para sailer caught up in the tail of fighter jet. Yep, that Dragonfly started doing dives, loops and spins. The poor spider couldn't do anything, but hang on and hope for the best. I'll never forget that spider's face. Yep, it was like a look of fear, or why me, what did I ever do to deserve this, what a bunch of crap, this shouldn't happen to a fly, man, I'm getting airsick, oh the humanity of it all, and fornicate me running ! Yep, the Dragonfly flew a final lap and was still bouncing the spider off the walls. Of course, the spider couldn't let go and never saw what was coming. Yep, the Dragonfly hovered over that drain and slowly lowered down. The spider didn't have any choice. I mean, he was all wrapped up in his own web and slowly disappeared. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Did they come out of the "black helicopters" or the space ship???
Holy cow---sounds like a bad acid trip,man...............

 

Yep Pjw044 Holy Cow, an acid trip, as Life Goes On.

I was seated back at the table and still sucking down suds. My mind voices were singing, ninety nine bottles of beer the wall and my foot was tapping along. Well, you guessed it ! Yep, Boom ! Boom ! Boom ! So, I armed myself with my trusty poker and sashay staggered over. The creaky door revealed my two latest guest. Yep, a newlywed couple still wearing their tuxedo and dress.

I grinned, " Don't tell me ! Your freezing, lost, and and want to warm yourselves, by my fire ! Right ? "

The Groom spoke, " Sir ! Something awful has happened and we need your help. We got lost driving on these back roads and got stuck. It turned dark and we were walking, when they appeared out of nowhere ! "

I played along, " Alright ! Alright ! Don't tell me ! Let me guess ! It was four Hunters and they ... "

The Bride corrected me, " No sir ! They weren't Hunters ! They were..."

I guessed again, " Oh, it was three Fishermen and they ...."

The Groom rolled his eyes, " No ! It was a group of young boys and they began chasing us ! We ran for our lives and ..."

I snickered, " Oh, I get it now ! It was the Ghost Boys and ..."

The Bride hugged her hubby, " I knew it ! That's why they acted so strange and looked so weird ! Their not human and their still out here ! "

The Groom begged me, " Sir ! You can't leave us out here ! We need your help and please believe us ! Those boys might not be human and perhaps their souls of the undead ! They were wearing mud caked clothes, some had open bloody wounds and a few, looked to have severe burns ! They never spoke, but made hissing sounds and ..."

I'd heard enough, " Look ! Ya'll seem like nice folks and this has gone far enough. It's cold out here and I'm not going to fall for it. Now, go home and leave me alone. It's late and ... "

So, as I was about to run the Newlyweds off. Well, they beat me to it. Yep, the bride and groom looked like a couple of racehorses. Well, if racehorses wore bridal gowns and tuxedos. Yep, they disappeared into the darkness, as the Ghost Boys appeared. I did a double take and raised my poker. It was a sight to behold. You know, a dozen young fellas, all wearing torn soiled clothes, a few with open bloody wounds and all hissing like snakes.

I gave my warning, " Look, you Idiots ! I've had enough of this ! You boys should be ashamed of yourselves ! There's a young lady inside and this isn't right. Ya'll need to call it quits and find something else to do ! "

So, I figured they'd cut out the crap and listen to reason. You know, I wasn't falling for it and they were wasting their time. Now I will admit, they sure put on a good show. That blood looked real and even their burnt smoldering clothes gave off a smoky scent. Well anyway, they wouldn't give up and kept circling around me. Yep, all hissing and flapping their arms. You know, like the Night of the Living Dead. So, I raised the poker and gave my last warning.

I spat, " I don't care, if your kids or not ! If you don't get out of here I'll brain you with this and..."

So, as I was giving them hell a foot grasped my shoulder. Well, a hand or whatever you call it. Yep, it was the hunchbacked, cross eyed, retarded giant and he was all lathered up.

I spun around, " You better back off ! I've had enough of this and your fooling with the wrong guy ! "

So, we squared off and sized each other up. He was a big one, but I was full of canned courage. Yep, I held that poker with both hands and swung it side to side. He wouldn't back down and neither would I. The Ghost Boys kept circling us and hissed away. Now up to then, I'd been willing to forgive and forget, but enough, is enough. Yep, I was ready to bean somebody and who would of blamed me ? That's when Lady Bear, running code three, swung up lights flashing and spotlighted me. The boys all ran and stood behind her, as Hunchback sighed a big breath of relief.

Lady Bear pointed her cannon, " Freeze and drop that weapon ! "

I tossed the poker and raised my hands, " I want those Idiots arrested and I'll file charges ! "

So, Lady Bear cuffed me and placed me under arrest. What a deal ! Yep, I was stuffed in the caged backseat and read my rights. Ambulances, cop cars, fire engines, and rescue workers swarmed the scene. Things finally settled down and Lady Bear opened the cruiser's back door. I was still pretty buzzed and madder than hell. She helped me step out and removed my cuffs.

I rubbed my wrist, " What the hell is going on ? Ya'll are all nuts and this is crazy. I have a good mind to file a complaint ! What's wrong with ya'll ? "

Lady Bear set me straight, " Look ! Mister Goose, your lucky that they don't want to file charges ! I could take you in, for public intoxication, assault with a deadly weapon, abuse of a child, making terroristic threats, and..."

I cut her short, " Bull Crap ! I know the law and I have a right to defend myself. Those Idiots are lucky that ..."

Lady Bear dropped her bomb, " First, you refused to help those lost Hunters and threatened them ! Then you did the same thing, when those poor Fishermen came by. Now, that's bad enough, but then you scared those Newlyweds, half out of their wits and ..."

I didn't buy it, " This has to be a joke ! Your telling me, that all this is on the up and up ! It's just a coincidence and they really did need help ? Well, how about those kids ? You can't tell me, that..."

Lady Bear grew angry, " Shut up and listen to me ! I've been running one call to the next and have been on duty all night. Those Hunters really were lost and those Fishermen did have a boating accident ! We just rescued one of them and he was still clinging onto their capsized boat ! Those Newlyweds car is stuck in a ditch and they didn't know ! "

I had to ask, " Know what ? "

Lady Bear rolled her eyes, " About the bus accident ! Those poor boys are deaf and dumb mutes ! Their bus rolled over and they were trying to get help. Your just lucky that no one was seriously injured ! "

So I guess, it was my lucky night. Yep, I thanked Lady Bear and sashayed staggered back inside. Hot Legs was still sound asleep and never stirred, an inch. Now, I didn't have a mirror to look in, but if I did. Well I bet, I'd looked just like that spider, as he went down that drain. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazers, your Snazzy1.

 

You still takin those pills Barney?????????? LOL
Just in time for Halloween......
Last year it was the vampires wasn't it?

 

Yep Mc8541ss, last year the Halloween story was about vampires and I didn't post it early enough. Glad to see your still aboard and hope your still counting the white lines. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

We managed to get unloaded a day early and got a decent run headed West. Yep, good ole Shaky Town and it was a drop and hook. I was still nursing my hangover and let Hot Legs take the wheel. The weather had cleared and we made good time. I was in the copilot's seat, as Hot Legs swung in the yard. It was one of those huge distribution centers, with trailers all over the place. It didn't take us long to drop and hook, so we ended up parked at the Flying Hook. You know, the one in Ontario, across from the 76.

I made small talk, " Just over there is TLX's new operations center. See that big office building, with the glass..."

Hot Legs looked, " Oh, that's the one you told me about ? I thought they.."

I read her mind, " No ! Dallas is still their main headquarters, but they own that too. Well, the last I heard they did and ..BEEP ! BEEP ! "

Hot Legs read the Quail, " It's says, to call Ed. "

So, we sashayed wiggled into the J's greasy spoon and took a booth. Hot Legs ordered the number 4, with a baked potato. I decided on breakfast, with extra crispy bacon. I palmed the cordless phone and dialed the number.

Ring, ring, " This is Ed ! "

I was me, " Hey, Ed ! It's Barney and you Quailed me to call you ! "

Ed rustled some papers, " Yeah ! Your at the J, in Ontario and under a load, headed to Boston. Do you still have a co-driver ? "

I eyed Hot Legs, " Yeah ! We just ordered breakfast and ...."

Ed whispered, " She can't hear us, can she ? "

I rolled my eyes, " No ! Well me, but not you ! Why ? "

Ed continued, " Before you say anything, let me finish ! We hired a company that does our background checks and a few other things, for us. Do you know a man, by the name of Nick Tacos ? He said, that ya'll were in the MP's together, back a few years ago. "

I lit up, " Yeah ! I know Nick ! We were stationed together at Fort Bliss and the last I heard, he owns the Top Secret Detective Agency. Well, his wife owns it ! See, he was married to ...."

Ed's face came through the receiver, " Look ! I don't have time, for all of that and you need to listen to me ! Now, this was his idea and I cleared it with Junior. We had a situation come up and we think, that you can handle it. Your army buddy Nick can fill you in and go into the details. Are you interested ? "

I was honest, " Look, Ed ! The only thing I'm interested in is running some miles and making a buck ! Now, Nick offered me a job playing Dick Tracy. Well, a few years back and I turned him down ! "

Ed snickered, " Well I guess, you don't need your co-driver approved then. That's ashame and you'll need to get her off your truck ! "

I got it, " Oh, I get it ! If I don't play along, you won't approve her and she can't drive for me. Ed, that's not right ! "

Ed bargained, " Look ! Talk to your buddy Nick and hear what he has to say. Hell, this is right up your alley and it won't that long. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. What do you say ? "

So, I said yes. Well, sort of, kind of. You know, I agreed to meet with Nick and see what was up. Yep, I knew how TLX did folks and what their idea of back scratching was. Yep, more like back stabbing. But hey ! It couldn't hurt to hear things out and besides I hadn't seen Nick in years. Yep, maybe we could catch up on old times and have a beer together. Anyway, I didn't tell Hot Legs the whole story. She just knew that I was meeting with an old army buddy of mine. Anyway, I called Nick up and the date was set. Yep, he'd pick me up later and we'd see each other then. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yes, were still kikkin Snazzy.

Looks like those jokers at TLX ain't ever gonna change though!!!!!

 

Glad to see your still kicking Mc8541ss. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

The sun was setting, when Nick pulled into the J Hook's lot and parked. I exited the restaurant and sashayed over. Now, Nick had always been a spiffy dresser and a chick magnet. I swear, he hadn't aged a day and looked fit as a fiddle. We hugged, patted each others backs and then looked for any witnesses. You know, we didn't want any of the drivers to get the wrong idea. I mean, we hugged, because we hadn't seen each other and... Well, you know !

Nick lied, " Man ! Your looking good Barn ! How's it been going ? "

I was honest, " Hell, I've aged twenty years and you look younger today, than you did, back then ! "

Nick thought back, " It's been awhile ! You and Wifey came down here and were going through a divorce. "

I started to update him, " Yeah, that was back, about ...."

Nick saved my breath, " Deb and her stay in touch ! "

I was shocked, " Your X and my X, still do ? I mean, that's news to me ! Well, they were best friends and ..."

Nick filled me in, " Me and Deb, have stayed close and she lives not far from me. Our son and daughter, both are in High School now. Here's a picture of them."

I whistled, " Sweeel ! Man, they sure have grown up ! This is a picture of the twins and that's my oldest girl. I guess, you heard that I'm a grandfather now. That's Tiger here and this is a picture of Piggy. That's Fly Boy and he's the father. Their talking, about getting married and he just got out of the air force. Ooops, that one is some bimbo that I picked up. "

So, we chewed the fat and walked down memory lane. Nick always had a deep intensity about him. You know, thoughts made his eyes sparkle and flash. He stood over six feet, was slender, but muscular and had golden brown skin. His father and mother, had been illegals from old Mexico. They had worked hard and raised Nick, to be the best he could be. They managed to become legal and Nick always was. You know, born here in the U.S, attended public schools and had joined the army. Deb had been his high school sweetheart and they married young. Anyway, back in our army days, Nick and I were best friends. We lived in apartments, next door to each other, were in the same military police unit and our wives were like sisters. Well, our x-wives were. You know, after his discharge, he had joined the LAPD and .. Well, I'll admit it ! Yep, I was always a little jealous ! You know, I never was able to work for a decent department. Yep, Nick caught a lot of luck and I never did. No, I never begrudged Nick, because he did earn his breaks. I mean, nothing was handed to him and I was happy he did well. It's just that.. Well, you know what I mean. Where was I ? Oh, he and Deb divorced, around the same time me and Wifey had. Nick had married a very wealthy widow, who was several years older. Now, I never questioned Nick and his life was his own. I mean, Deb was one of the prettiest women. No ! I never even tried to make any moves on her ! She was my best friend's wife and I did have morals back then. Well some, a few, not many, but .. Alright ! Alright ! I was a dog, but never ever, hit on her ! Anyway, my cop career ended, I drove a truck, was a pawn broker, a barkeep, a drunk, had associated with the mob, did time, went nuts, lived on the streets, went back to driving, made general manager, got fired, and was back driving again.

Nick's story was whopper ! I mean, I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. Now, I knew that his wife had been a widow and that she owned a private detective agency. Well, one of the worlds largest and she was filthy rich. Yep I guess, Nick knew a good deal when he saw one. He had been on the LAPD, for about seven years and was on it's SWAT TEAM. Yep, that's how he met her. She hired off duty officers to work part time and Nick went beyond the call of duty. Yep, he divorced Deb and married the rich widow. Now, here's where the story gets a bit hard to swallow. According to Nick, the TOP Secret Detective Agency did private contracting for.... How can I put this ? No ! Not the FBI ! Not the Federal Marshall's Office ! Not even the DEA. It was the CIA !

I bit my tongue, " Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, snicker, snicker.. I'm sorry Nick, but hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, haw, haw. I can't help it ! Your telling me that you work for hee, hee, haw, haw, haw ! That's a good one ! Don't tell me ! TLX is a national security risk ! Hee, hee, snicker, chuckle, haw, haw ! "

Nick didn't laugh, " Your not listening ! My agency does do some private contracting and some of it has to do with .... Would you quit laughing ! "

I choked back tears, " I'm sorry, I'm hee, hee, haw, snicker, chuckle... "

Nick waited, " Are you through now ? I need to brief you ! "

I was still rolling on the ground, " Give me a minute ! "

So, Nick helped me up and snicker, snicker, and briefed me. Excuse me ! Where was I ? Oh, I listened to every word he had to say and busted out laughing again. I mean, Nick must of watched too many 007 movies. Anyway, I agreed to quit laughing and heard him out. After he finished I recapped.

I wiped my eyes, " You want me to be a pigeon and snitch ? Right ? "

Nick grew angry, " No ! We have an operative inside already ! He's gathered intelligence and your mission is to infiltrate the group. I can pick you up tomorrow and we can go from there ! "

So, I thanked Nick and sashayed back to Old Blue. I mean, my head was spinning and my sides ached. Yep, I hadn't laughed that hard in years. Hot Legs was holding down the bottom bunk, so I took the top one. Yep, all this top secret stuff had sure worn me out. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Early the next morning Hot Legs and I were eating breakfast. I hadn't said much about my meeting with Nick. The J's greasy spoon was filled to capacity with hungry drivers, as they spoke and ate. You know, there was a roar of voices, plates being clanked around and the cook's bell dinging out that orders were ready. Nick spotted our booth and I waved him over.

I stood and made the introductions, " Hey Nick ! This is Hot Legs and have a seat. Do you care for for anything ? "

Nick shook Hot Legs hand and sat next to her, " Nice to meet you. No ! I already ate, but thanks anyway. Uh... Can you give us a minute alone ? "

Hot Legs gave a harsh look, " Sure ! Take all the time you want ! "

So, she got up and stormed away, as half the drivers craned their necks and watched her wiggle out.

Nick handed me the envelope, " Check this out ! "

I opened it up, " What is this ? It looks like ...."

Nick cheesed, " It is ! That's her CDL and they used her photo from that learners permit. She's ready to go and it has all the endorsements on it. "

I rolled my eyes, " Look ! The last thing Hot Legs needs is a fake CDL ! "

Nick swore, " That's not fake ! I had Ed fax me her information and then I requested it. I can get any identification from local, State, or Federal Agency. It's not that much trouble. "

I grinned, " Sure, you can ! I bet, the first bear who runs that CDL .."

Nick called my bluff, " I'll bet you, it's as legal as yours is, or any others ! "

I still wasn't sold, " Well, even if it is ! I mean ? Why would..."

Nick explained, " She's going to make that Boston delivery and that will give you time to complete this mission. Ed's already got her approved on your truck and it's all taken care of. We need to get you briefed and get going. "

I was honest, " Look Nick, this is a bit hard, for me to swallow. I mean it's good to see you and thanks for the offer, but really. I have my own truck now and I'm trying to ...."

Nick's eyes flashed, " No, your going to do this and that's final ! I've had to pull too many strings, for you back out now ! "

I sighed, " Well, I hate letting you down, but you should of asked me. I told Ed, that I wasn't interested and..."

Nick hit below the belt, " Oh, I guess you forgot, about that loan I made you and that you never repaid ! I never figured you, for a deadbeat ! "

I defended myself, " Wifey sent Deb that money ! That's when we all were going through our divorces. I told her, that you made me that loan, but she gave Deb..."

Nick wouldn't listen, " I'm the one that you owe and I tried to help you out. Now, I'm needing a favor and... "

I tried to buy my way out, " Look, I can repay you, with interest ! Just give me a couple of weeks ! I mean, the way you've been talking it's not like your hurting for cash ! "

Nick used our friendship, " Barn, we've known each other a long time and you know I wouldn't ask, unless it was important ! Just do this and I'll never ask, for another favor ! We can call that loan even and I'll even pay you..."

I gave in, " Alright, but just this one time and you don't have to pay me a red cent ! We'll call it even and that's, that ! Now, what do I have to do ? "

So, Nick gave me a quick briefing, but just highlighted the facts. Something, about trucks being hijacked, drivers being killed, skin heads revolution, bombs being made, and do dah, do dah. Yep, this was getting interesting. Anyway, Nick gave me time to bid Hot Legs farewell. She was sulking in the sleeper, as I sat in the driver's seat.

I patted the passenger seat, " Come up here and lets talk ! "

Hot Legs plopped down, " Did your buddy leave ! "

I handed it over, " This is your CDL and your approved, for TLX. Now, I want you to deliver this load and be careful ! If you have any problems, just call Ed and he'll ..."

Hot Legs had questions, " Where did you get this ? I never applied for it and where are you going ? I can't..."

I calmed her down, " Look, you can drive, as good as I can ! That CDL is valid and that's all you need. Now, you can use my fuel card and if you need anything. Well call, or Quail Ed and he'll..."

Hot Legs held my hand, " Are you in trouble ? Is that friend of yours a cop ? He didn't act right and ..."

I squeezed her hand, " No, everything is fine and dandy ! Nick just needs me to uh, uh, help him out. I'll explain everything later and ..."

Hot Legs hugged my neck, " Please don't leave me. I love you and ..."

I pecked her cheek, " I love you too and this won't take long. "

So, I packed a few things and watched her drive out. Yep, Old Blue looked good and was in good hands. Well alright, I didn't feel good, about any of it. Yep, everything had happened, so suddenly and there wasn't time to sort things out. Yeah one day, I'm tooling down the big road and the next day.. Well you know, what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Well looks as if Barn is going back to the riff raft...and earn his way outa debt. Jezz the boy is being set up... and how much time will he do this time? or is it his load that is being jacked? Hummm, Secret agent Barny.... I smell scam.......

 

Sure smell something not right.