Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

That poor ol Barney he cant do nothing or go no where without getting into some sort of trouble can he?

 

Time 4 another slick Nick call....................

 

Gittin' popped for DUI by a "waterdog". Oh the shame of it all...

 

Rikdev knows his penal code and Knife Edge noticed that Barney can't stay out of trouble. Creekrd suggest a call to Nick, so let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

My mind voices played a drum roll, as I stood in front of the cruiser. The early morning air had a nip to it and a light fog had moved in. Skinny Cop faced me, waiting for me to start. I was wearing a light windbreaker, blue jeans and my slip on Hushed Puppies. The graveled parking lot was quiet as a church on Saturday night. I placed my right hand, across my midsection to tuck in the bulk. You know, the windbreaker wasn't zipped and it kept me from seeing my feet. Time stood still, as I slowly lifted my foot and tried to judge a six inch height.

I counted slowly, One, two, three, four, five, OH, JESUS ! GOOD MOTHER OF MERCY ! Oh ! MAN ! GOOD GOD ! LEG CRAMP ! LEG CRAMP ! "

So, I grabbed the closest thing to me and tried to keep from falling on my face. Yep, I had hold of Skinny Cop and we were dancing the Jitterbug. He attempted to elbow me loose, but I hung on and continued to scream in pain. Now, I can understand him being a bit startled. I mean, he didn't know me and it could of been a ploy. Yep, the old leg cramp diversion, grab the cop's gun and shoot him dead. What a deal ! Yep, I bet they teach that in the academy. Anyway, we spun around, with me leading and him following my steps. Yep, all we needed was a square dance caller and some music to dance by. Finally, I let go and managed to grasp my right calf. You know, my lower leg, behind the shin and below my knee. Yep, I massaged it and was bent over trying to ease the pain. Of course, Skinny Cop stood there holding his cannon and keeping me covered. Yep, he'd drawn his 9mm and was in a shooting stance.

I was still knelt over, " OH, MAN ! I'm sorry, that grabbed you, but .. "

Skinny Cop barked, " Stay right where you are ! Unit 31 Henry, Officer needs assistance, code blue, Hook's Marina, ASAP ! I have suspect at gun point !

So, as I knelt there massaging my calf, a dozen squad cars slid in running code three. Yep, I was impressed alright ! Anyway, they pointed their hardware at me and ordered me face down.

I pleaded my case, " Wait a minute fellas ! I really did have a leg cramp and it still smarts. Can't we talk this over, or at least let me finish the test ? I was just getting the hang of things and ... "

Skinny Cop bellowed, " Face down, hands by your sides, or I'll use nonlethal force ! Don't make me.... ZAP ! "

Yep, he zapped with one of them Tazer guns that lit up my eyeballs and caused my nuts to rattle. What a deal ! Yep, I flopped down like a fish out of water, doing the alligator.

The Sgt, " Go ahead and cuff him, I've got him covered ! "

I replied, " Stick a fork in me, I'm done ! "

So, Skinny Cop and a couple other Key Stoners cuffed and stuffed me in the back of a caged unit. Yep, that's when I noticed the video camera. It was mounted above the sun visor, on the passenger side and had been running the whole time. Of course, Skinny Cop had to cut it up with his brothers in blue. You know, made it out, like I was really going for his gun and how he'd saved the day. They stood there twenty minutes yucking it up, while my wrist turned blue and my hands went numb. Anyway, he finally finished his version of events and sat behind the wheel.

I was polite, " Officer, these cuffs are awfully tight. When I sat down back here, they clicked and ... "

Skinny Cop smirked, " Their double locked and can't tighten ! Just relax and we'll be at station soon. Hey ! Did I give you back your license ? "

I gave the LOOK, " NO ! WHY ? Do you want me to drive ? "

So, Skinny Cop searched all around and finally found my license stuck in his gun belt. You know, like the Indians did with scalps years ago. Yep, I was plenty pissed off, but decided to play along. I mean, there I was cuffed behind my back and looking through steel mesh. What a deal ! Anyway, he parked in back and led me inside. It was the local City Hall and housed the Cop Shop too. I was sat on a bench, while a paramedic examined me. Well, actually he was a volunteer fireman and had to remove those little wire prongs, from my back. You know, from the Tazer Zapping I'd gotten. Anyway, he dug them out and pronounced me fit for futher abuse. Skinny Cop removed my cuffs and had me enter the closet. Yep, it was room four feet wide and twenty feet long. There was a video camera hanging on the ceiling at one end and two black feet marks painted on the floor. Below the camera was one of them in-toxic-lie-sir machines. I rubbed my wrist and took it all in. Yep, the old breath machine, that line on the floor is where they videotape the walk and turn test. I bet, this room is designed, so your tempted to lean against the wall. You know, so you'll look drunk.

The Sgt flipped on the camera, " Go ahead Officer Skinny ! "

Skinny faced me, " I want you, to hold your head still and follow the tip of my pen, with your eyes ! "

I shut my peepers and shook my head no !

Skinny went postal, " I said, to follow my head ! I mean, my pen with your eyes and keep your head still ! "

I batted my eyelashes and grinned.

Skinny turned purple, " Alright ! Subject refuses to take the HGN test ! Now, I want you to stand on this line and face the camera ! "

I yawned and folded my arms.

Skinny exploded, " He's not going to cooperate ! I'll just read him his breath test form ! Your under arrest for the offense of operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated ! I'm requesting a sample of your breath and if you refuse, your right to operate a motor vehicle will be suspended no less than 90 days and not more than two years ! Do you understand ? "

Certainly I did, so I blew in his face, " Poof ! "

Skinny grabbed me by my throat and shoved me against the wall. I kept my arms to my sides and didn't resist. Yep, I knew that camera was recording and would see me being assaulted. The Sgt ran over and held Skinny back. Of course, I could of wiped the floor with the both of them, but what good would that of done ? Yep, I decided to just use my constitutional right to remain silent and not answer any questions at all. Well matter of fact, Ol' Skinny hadn't even read my rights. Yep, my mind voices done had this case dismissed and were discussing pressing charges of assault. Anyway, the Sgt led me back to the bench and tried to play good cop. Skinny was still in closet and kicking the walls.

The Sgt grinned, " Look ! He's new at this and you've got to admit, that your giving him a hard time. Can't you just ..."

I pointed, " That Idiot better stay away from me and he's got no business wearing a badge ! Somebody is going to shove that thing down his throat, one of these days ! I haven't done anything and he's trying to make a federal case out of this. I was just..."

The Sgt had heard enough, " Well, you'll have your day in court, just try to ease things along and don't make things harder on yourself. Are you alright, or do you need ... "

I rolled my eyes, " I'm fine and dandy ! Just keep him away from me and let me pay my fine ! All I want to do is go home. "

The Sgt paused, " Go home ? Son, your being charged with a second degree miss doe mean her. You'll have to post bond and could get up to six moths in jail. This is a pretty serious charge ! "

I had to ask, " What are you talking about ? He can't charge me with driving while intoxicated ! I wasn't even driving ! I was docked on a pier and .. "

The Sgt dropped his bomb, " Oh, I get it ! You thought, that this is just a drunk in public charge. Well, that's changed now ! Starting at the first of this month a new law went into effect. Your the first one that we're trying this out on. It's called boating while intoxicated and ..."

So, The Sgt educated me on the new law. Yep, I'd never heard of it and it was Greek to me. Anyway, the only thing that worried me was keeping my CDL and staying out of jail. You know, how bad could it be ? Six months probation, maybe a $500 fine and court cost. Yep, nothing a good lawyer and a few hundred bucks couldn't fix. So, I sat there and waited to be escorted back. You know, to the jail cells and I could make a call. Yep, I'm ready to get the show on the road. Where is everybody ? Come on guys ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Once again my offer too testiLIE still stands !!!!

 

Wonder what we would testiLIE too? Oh We seen the whole thing from the boat? Standing in the dark on the rail??? Oh Barney I sure hope you know a really good lawyer. Gona need more than a wana be legal grue.

 

Testilie.....What we see and what the officer states to the court is sure too differ. And we aren't there so a goose can be on the menu once again !

 

Sorry Pjw044, I didn't see you sneak in, before my last post. Glad you made it back and you've been made Snazzer of the month. What a deal ! Rikdev50 and Creekrd, have offered to test to lie and it appears that Barney might need all the help he can get, as Life Goes On.

The metal bench was in small room that connected to the video closet, the back door and the jail area. You know, it was like a lobby and had one of them glassed in areas like a bank teller. Behind the glass sat the dispatch office and it must of been a slow night. Yep, nobody was back there and they must had forgotten about me. I sat there a good hour and was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Finally, Skinny Cop entered and was holding a clipboard.

I sat up, " Man I thought, that Ya'll forgot about me ! When I can make phone call and see about getting out of here ? "

Skinny Cop sat beside me, " I need to complete this report. Do you have any medical conditions, or past history of.... "

I spoke over him, " I don't care to answer any questions ! "

Skinny Cop threatened me, " If you don't cooperate, I'll leave you in here ! The sooner you answer these book in questions. Well, the sooner you can get your bail set and bond out ! "

I didn't trust him, " I'll give you my name, rank, social security number, and whatever else you need, but that's all ! Don't ask me any thing incriminating, or that can be used against me. I know my rights and by the way ! You never read them to me and .... "

Skinny wouldn't give up, " What's wrong ? "

I gave the LOOK, " What's wrong ! What's wrong ? I tell you, what's wrong ! I haven't done anything and you snatched me off my boat ! "

Skinny scribbled on the clipboard, " What time did you last eat ? "

It hit me, " Your filling out that DWI arrest report ! I just told you, that I'm not answering anymore questions ! I wish to remain silent and to end this interview. I have nothing else to say ! Do you, understand me ? "

Skinny went postal and threw his clipboard, " STAND UP AND FACE AWAY FROM ME ! NOW, GET ON YOUR KNEES ! "

So, I stood up and faced away from him. He was about five feet to my rear and was holding his handcuffs.

I turned my head, " Oh, your going to cuff me again ? Go ahead ! Here, I'll spread my feet apart and place my hands, behind my back. "

Shinny was pissed off, " DROP TO YOUR KNEES AND QUIT RESISTING ! "

I'd had enough, " LOOK ! I don't drop to my knees for anyone ! "

So, out out the corner of my eye I spotted him charging me full speed ahead. Yep, he kicked me right behind my right knee, attempting to buckle my leg and knock me to the floor. You know, like school kids do on the playground, when their horsing around. Of course my leg didn't buckle, but it caught me off guard. Well, there was pause in the action for a second, or two. Yep I think, that Skinny was more surprised than I was. You know, that I hadn't gone down and was standing there looking at him. Well, Skinny decided to go for broke and tried to use his cuffs, as brass-knucks. You know, he had them wrapped around his knuckles and swung a right cross. I stepped to my side and caught his wrist. He tried to hook me with a left, as I twisted his right arm and got him in a hammer lock. Yep, I spun him around and had him in my famous Full Nelson. You know, it was all from end stink and my old training had kicked in. No ! I wasn't trying to hurt him ! Anyway, his cuffs fell to the floor, as I made my next move. Now, I know that this sounds crazy, but it all happened so fast and ... Well, you know ! Yep, I wrapped my left arm, around his neck and applied pressure. It was the old sleeper hold that I'd learned, back in my Military Police days. It's not that hard to do and it works fairly fast. Yep, he went limp in my arms in less than a minute. I was careful to ease him to the floor and gently lay him out. No ! He wasn't purple, or gasping for breath. It simply restricts the blood flow from reaching the brain. I'm sure that if applied too long. Well, you know what I mean ! But hey ! It was a chance that I was willing to take and screw him ! Yep, the Idiot got what he deserved, in my book. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Tha' ol sleeper hold from "Snazz the great"
Makes the WWF green with envy..............

 

Oh My it dont sound to good now do it...... a Skinney cop.....laid out on the floor...hummmm guess ol Barney is the Deep again............. always in trouble......... I guess he cant help it ....like it follows him? LOL