Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Yep Big Ducker,err Big Duker, I'm sitting here scratching as I make, eer trying to recall, these true fiction tales. Oh Shandera, I knew you was just joshing and that Joellyroll wouldn't take offense, he's a Trucker. I can't wait for the picture Duck post of the varmints, if she'll stoop that low. We'll see, as Life Goes On.

Bandit pulled into the Bears den and parked next to Maxine. I almost had a heart attack. Yep, the Mechanic had Maxine's steering box out on the pavement.

I was PO'ed, " What the hell are you doing ? " You were suppose to just adjust that ! Why did you take it off ? "

The Mechanic held it up, " Look here, it's cracked where it bolts on. Your lucky that I caught it ! Yep, your darn lucky ! I'll call the Mack House and see how much they want. Yep, your looking at least $ 600, maybe more.

Bandit had heard it all, " No Sir ! First thing, you'll go find that new one that was on there ! Second thing, you won't charge Barney a plug nickel ! Third thing, is I have a good reason to kick your butt ! Your a THIEF ! That's not even a Mack steering box ! Go get his back on there and sign off that red tag !"

The Mechanic stuttered, " Gee, your right old timer ! Guess I got confused on which truck I was working on. This isn't the right Mack, I guess that other driver must of left."

Bandit was PO'ed, " You lying sack of crap ! How he could he leave without a steering box ? Get Barney fixed up and I mean now ! That better be done right, because I'm going to watch you ! "

The Mechanic slithered over to his pickup and low and behold. Yep, my new steering box was laying in the bed under the covers. What a deal ! So, Bandit gave me a lesson on how to log legal, illegally ? Well, he referred to it as back logging. I had an idea of how it worked, but he made it sound silmple. You just carry a second logbook and one is legal. The legal one shows legal, the second one shows that you left out a day earlier. So, when your legal book runs out of 70 hours, your illegal book was there a day earlier. You with me ? So, the illgegal book shows that you already had a day off. Yep, that beat the 70 hour clock back then. Now to beat the 10 hour clock was the kicker. Yep, while your legal book showed that your were sleeping, your illgal book showed you driving. So, it was like driving team without a partner. Well, you were your own partner. Now back then, even if you were caught, the fines weren't that expensive. Well, except California and Ohio, the truck hating states.

Except for that stupid honest mistake I made back when. I never once was caught back logging and that's a fact. Now, I'm not bragging and I wouldn't suggest that anyone do that now a days. The risk don't come close to what the penalties are. Yep, back in yester year, it was easier for the Bears to just catch honest drivers making honest mistakes. Now a days it's a big deal ! Hell, I knew of a driver that was 30 minutes over on his 70 hour clock. An unlicensed driver pulled right out in front of him. Well, even though the unlicensed driver was at fault, the truck driver was charged for driving over hours. His company paid a million dollars in law suites and fired the truck driver. What a deal !

The Mechanic finished up with Maxine, " Here's your bill ! I only charged you for changing that pancake gasket and putting on that washer. Now that fair and the best I can do !"

Bandit grabbed the bill and tore it two, " Your a THIEF ! Sign off that service report and get Barney out of here ! If you don't, I'll call your boss and tell him how your pocketing his money. I bet he'd like to know about that!"

The mechanic signed off the service report and the Bears removed Maxines red tag. Strange that once I paid those fines, I was free to go. What a deal ! I tried to give Bandit a hundred dollars, but he wouldn't take it. No Sir, ole Bandit was an outlaw, but as nice a Driver I ever met. I bet he's still out there, out foxing the Bears.

Okay Snazzers it's bedtime, nighty, nighty. Your, Snazzy1.

 

LOL! Snazzy I bet by now those DOT know about the crabs, or are ya still using them? ROFL

 

I'm not sure they were all dead, Snazz. This guy wasn't only smilin' -- I could've sworn he winked at me!

​

But I've been hit on by louses before, Oh, wait. Different species there... ​

 

Yep Ducks was there alright taking pictures and Attitude I bet it'd work just as well today. Fact is no body wants to be within a mile of them critters. Remember too these weren't your ordinary lice. These were Mexican Browns that grew to quarter inch. You didn't need an eye glass to see them. So Snazzy points to all, as Life Goes On.

I made it home to Sexy Thang and we made up for lost time. I'd stayed out for over a month, but with things being so slow it wasn't worth it. My home in Idiot City was in foreclosure, Wifey had filed for divorce, and I was unsure of my future. I decided to talk with dispatcher Blow Hard and tempt him for some additional miles. I was surprised to see Mr Ace himself in Blow Hards office when I walked in.

Blow Hard was blowing smoke behind his desk, " Yep, when I won that world trucking rodeo in 1970, they said you can't back a rig that fast. I showed em a thang or two ! I had that transmission put in backwards and she'd run run a 150 mph in reverse ! "

Mr Ace was happy to see me, " Hey Barney ! I'm glad your here. Sit down and let me fill you in. I just sold Ace Trucking to Tarmac Transportation. I'll be staying on as General Manager for about six months to help run things. Let me tell you about them. Tarmac is the world's largest privately held trucking company. The reason no one has heard about them is they're mostly over seas. England, Germany, Italy, France, all of Europe, and even Russia ! Yep, their buying companies out here and expanding. You'll be on the ground floor of this elevator ride up. This is big ! They're second to none and in no time will be bigger than our top three companies combined."

I was impressed, " I've heard some rumors about you selling out. I was wondering about all the offices expanding and the money being spent."

Mr Ace raised his arms, " The sky is the limit ! Tarmac is going to invest millions of dollars to take over the U.S. market ! Thier sparing no expense and you can bank on that ! Here's your problem Barney ! Now you can stay in tow-a-way and that's fine. It"ll be business as usual or you can switch to our new division. Yep, we'll be hauling flatbed, dry van, and heavy haul. But, your going to need a newer model tractor. Tarmac won't lease on one that's over 6 years old. It's thier policy and theres no way around that. Now, the mileage pay is the same, but every owner operator will be seeing double thier miles ! Yep, you'll be seeing a big difference in your settlement checks."

I was worried, " Mr Ace, even without a truck payment I'm going under ! What happens if I were able to buy a newer truck and then the miles just aren't there ?"

Mr Ace laughed, " The miles are there ! I can show you what the future will be. Look here at this chart ! See that's our starting point of what Ace Trucking did last year. This line here is a conservative estiment of what Tarmac will do. That's a 200% per cent increase ! Trust me Barney it's a windfall ! You'll have to turn miles down ! The best part is this ! Tarmac has made a deal with the largest trailer lease company here. Yep, you'll be able to pickup a faltbed or a van trailer anywhere in the country. So, say your hauling a load of paper out of Georgia in a dry van ? You deliver it in Kansas and there's a flatbed load of bricks to Washington. Well, you just high tail it to the nearest lease trailer yard and drop that van. Yep, hook onto to a flatbed and go get your load of bricks. Now, the deal is you have to pay 5 cents per hub mile on those trailers. They're all new trailers or not more than a year old ! It's something never tried here before ! It's fail proof and will work. Another thing ! Tarmac is going high tech ! It'll be all computerized. No more load board dispatch or calling cold turkey. Yep, thier hooking up with a new brooker system that predicts loads before they even happen."

I was impressed, " Okay, say I buy a newer truck. How long is this going to take before I can start running ? "

Mr Ace smiled," You go get you a newer truck and drive her over here. We'll have you running within 8 hours ! "

I thanked Mr Ace and decided to think it over. I sure didn't want to be out again and breaking even. Tow-a-way was alright, but just not enough miles. Hmm, I guess trying to get a new truck couldn't hurt ! Hell, Maxine was costing me in repairs and kept me from leasing on with better companies. She had been a trooper and I'd miss her, but maybe she'll end up hauling cotton candy in the plains of Kansas. She was long in the tooth and needed to be semi retired. So, I drove over to Sweet Thangs to talk it over.

Lety's break, Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Snazzy did you ever hear?
"Now If I told ya once I told ya a hundred times."

I think it has something to do with going in debt.
Not sure though.

 

Sounds like Snazzy ran into a C R England song and dance salesman.

 

I explained to Sexy Thang, while she was ontop of me and the mattess springs sqeeked out a tune of thier own.

Sexy Thang had news between moans, " My Uncle has been calling and wants us to come by. He said that he has a truck that he wants you to look at. Why don't we go see him ? That Tarmac deal sounds good and even if you don't lease on with them, you can at least do better with a newer truck"


I was spent and weak kneed, " Your right ! I hate having a truck payment, but tow-a-way sucks. Just not enough miles and half the time I'm towing junk or carnivals. Let's go see your Uncle."

We got dressed and loaded up in Maxine. The drive over to the dealership was a quiet one. I had mixed feelings about trading in Maxine and having a truck payment. But hey, I had to do something !

The Uncle greeted us on the used truck lot, " Good to see ya'll ! How is my favorite niece ? Good, I'm doing fine. That's her over there and let me show her to you. She's four years old and has 330,000 original miles. I know this truck, I sold her to the only owner she's ever had. He traded her in just a few weeks ago on a brand new unit. All she's ever hauled is the U.S. Mail and was on a dedicated run from here to Florida and back. That owner of hers kept her in like new condition. Yep, she's a cream puff and has been babied all her life. Now, here's the best part ! I can get her financed for your Mack as trade in and her payments will be right at $ 1,000 per month. "

I had to ask, " My credit is shot, my home is going into foreclosure, and my old Mack has over a million miles showing ! How can you finance me and what's the catch ?"

The Uncle smiled, " Here's what I did. You remember that credit application and credit report I ran a few months ago ? Well, I submitted it to several lenders. Yep, one of them approved you for up to $20,000 on a used truck. Now, my Niece says that you had alot of repairs done on that Mack. If she'll pass a DOT inspection, I can show her on paper to be worth $ 7,000. That's 7 grand off the list price of $ 27,000, that's a third down ! So, I can keep your payments at just under $1,000 per month, for 24 months. I can't help that the interest rate is a bit high, but believe me Barney you won't find a better deal ! I can throw in 2 new steer tires and 8 new recaps. We also install new batteries and a free oil change. We do that on every used truck we sell. Another thing, you'll have a 3 month unlimited mile warranty. If you find anything wrong just bring her back and we'll fix it free ! "

I couldn't believe it, " Your not kidding me ? I mean I can drive off in that truck, with no money down, bad credit, a home in foreclosure, and your serious ? No strings attached ? Really ?"

The Uncle was serious, " Yep, let me run your Mack over to our service bay. If she'll pass inspection, do we have a deal ?"

I didn't even blink, " I'll say we do ! Man ! This is great ! "

The Uncle drove Maxcine away and Sexy Thang and I sat in the lobby. Sexy Thang squeezed my hand, " I told you my Uncle would help ! He's always been there for all of my family. Are you sure this is what you want ?"

I admitted it, " Well I hate trading Maxine in, but I guess that's better for both of us. If Tarmac doesn't pan out at least I can lease on somewhere that pays better. I sure hate having $1,000 per month truck payment ! "

Sexy Thang kissed me on the cheek, " You worry too much ! Let's celebrate tonight and I'm buying ! We can paint the town red and then get naked and do it all night ! "

The Uncle walked up and had good news, " Let's sign the paperwork and just bring your Mack back tomorrow. We got us a deal !"

I shook the Uncle's hand, then Sexy Thang and I climbed back into Maxine. I felt like I was a fiend for doing what I was doing. But hey ! Life Goes On.

Nighty night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

So what is the "new" truck? KW, Pete, Mack, Freightshaker? Another coe?

 

Ole Joellyroll must of be the brother I never had, because my folks were old school about credit as well. Big Duker, good comment about C.R. recruiter. Ole Mr Ace could of sold Eskimo pies, to Eskimos. Kane I won't leave ya'll in suspense about the new/used tractor, as Life Goes On, Snazzy points to all.

The the next morning I drove Maxine back to the Dealership and spent an hour moving all my gear into Amelia. So, why Amelia you ask ? Well, Amelia was a 1986 International, Eagle cabover, equiped with almost every option.
Yep, 400 horse Cummins, 18 speed, cruise control, power split divider, jake brakes, dual stacks, twin high rise air seats, power windows, am/fm stero with casset player, deep dish chrome wheels, turbo injected, and had the owner operator package. What a deal ! She was a looker and a head turner. Of course I really wanted a brand new Peterbuilt long nose. But hey ! Let's face it, I got a good deal for the price. I wasn't complaining and always dreamed of better tomorrows. Oh, Amelia was named after Amelia Earheart the first woman who flew across the Atlantic. She was sometimes referred to as the female 'Lucky Limbergh'. He was the guy who was the most unluckest fella I ever heard of. Anyway, he was also called the 'Eagle Lucky Limbergh'. So, since my International was an Eagle Model, and had a huge Eagle emblem on her forehead. Well, Amelia seemed to fit and I liked the name.

Maxine didn't go without a fight. Yep, I no sooner got my gear out of her and she threw a fit. The Uncle went to start her up and she exploded. Her starter hung, which caused her flywheel to disintergrate right in the parking lot. There was shrapnel metal strewn a hundred yards in every direction. I was surprised that the deal wasn't cancelled, but the Uncle just laughed about it. So, I shook his hand and drove away, as poor Maxine was towed to where ever. I honestly don't know what became of her, but I wished her well. We'd shared alot together and she was a fine lady.

I drove Amelia to Ace Trucking, which was now Tarmac Transportation. Sure enough by that afternoon I was legal to roll. Amelia looked good with her new door banners and DOT permits. She was a bright gold in color and had dark brown trim stripes that outlined her sturdy body. I got several compliments from the other drivers, as I headed out on Amelia's maiden voyage, and in search of the unknown. What a deal ! As Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

For some reason I'm waiting for something to go wrong.................