Job Security

I was driving for a N.E. region Grocery Hauler back in '03. I think it was '03. The dispatch dept was scheduleing me a little bit too often at one point. Even though I wasn't over on the log, my body needed more sleep, before I would agree to go out again.
I refused a dispatch because of it and was told to talk to the boss of dispatch the next morning. I called in and showed up and there were no trucks in the lot. Everyone was told to go to the next further terminal. I started asking what if questions in person, about fatigue and the conversation was ended by dispatch before it began. Since I was left with no answer I went to talk to the owner of the company to find out. I'm sorry I didn't make an appointment. Maybe he was angry because of that. He started to get angry towards me and said I either go to the next terminal or go home and be a boy and don't come back for three years. Saying it was his company, not mine. So I haven't gone back. But I still would like to work. Not just to the extent that it exceeds my physical limitations. If I don't accept a dispatch one day because I'm still dizzy from yesterday does that mean that I can no longer work there? That has been my reality. I do have a safety concern for other people. I was just trying to ask the owner if he could maybe ask dispatch not to schedule me so much in the future that I would have to refuse. His perspective seemed to be that if I was able to stand up in front of him that I should be driving. He ended the conversation short and I chose to leave the company. I wasn't asking for special treatment just a hope that they would let me drop a day sometimes if I was not able to sleep the last run off. Perhaps they could have let me sleep in the parking lot. But since they don't know what the run will be or when it will be tommorrow the drivers go home and call in. The two extra hours to home and back don't count on the log but they added to my fatigue. If the discussion was not cut short by the bosses perhaps we could have come up with a solution. Perhaps they would be understanding if I slept in the parking lot after a long run before going home. But the discussion never got that far. Since I have taken college classes in communication this was upsetting to me. I don't think it was poor communication on my part. Basicly I had to quit there employment so that I could prevent an unsafe situation that could result on the road in the future. I value the CDL-A i hold. Even if they don't.
Fullfilling the requirements of my employer is important to me and I kept up with a demanding schedule while I was there.

I was a nebie then and at one point, (which I mentioned above), when I was driving back to the home terminal I knew I had driven too far and passed the point of being able to pull off the road in time, because fatigue had obviously set in.

The experience was very similiar to what you would experience if you have ever driven after drinking alcohol. But it was more scary because of the size of the truck. I had one dui in '92. I have not drank alcohol at all since then, 16 years ago.

I had gotten too tired and lost full control over my arms and legs. They were not responding properly and my movements became sluggish. I immediately knew what the problem was and managed to put the 4-way flashers on and slowed way down which helped me to make it to the next safe stopping point. I sure didn't want that to happen again. That is why I started to try to ask dispatch and management to help me to understand how I should manage to keep company schedule requirements in such a way that would keep me employed. They acted like they did not hear my questions which left me without a clue. I felt my only choice was to go through unemployment and that is what trucking has turned out to be for me. Unemployment. The next link makes me think about job security. I have turned out to be a poor boy who gets told no everywhere locally when I try to find work. My job history is not good and I can't afford to go very far. Perhaps I should have listened and jumped back in the truck. Perhaps it might be worse than it is now too. It only takes one mistake in a tractor that could be the last mistake. Obviously many drivers don't keep that in mind while they drive. The industry has been short this particular good driver with a good record. And they are in too much of a recession right now to overlook my poor job history. Its too bad they didn't need me now . I wish they would recognize the reason for my poor job history. Basicly I wouldn't drive a tractor fatigued like that again. And if I was to stay employed then to drive fatigued again would have eventually been required. A simple solution would be to allow a day off sometimes if there was a good reason, like that the previous run was hellishly long. But that wouldn't help business so the real solution is to just replace the driver. I gotta wonder about that perspective. What if they needed another driver at a future time to replace the newbies that don't conform. But those past drivers like me are so angry that they won't work for them again. Angry that there trucking career turned out to be a bad dream filled with unemployment and a family that wonders why they have to bear the burden of an unproductive youth that is not so young anymore. I feel unrewarded for trying to rise to the call of duty and almost wish that I did not prioritize safety in a tractor trailer as highly as I did. In otherwords if I set my concern for safety aside and pushed my physical limitations that much further than my body said was normal sometimes then my job would have been more secure up until now.
It almost seemed like they were constructively creating the situation by refuseing to further discuss my questions. Which I know almost got me hurt. Perhaps they were seeking retribution towards me for my seemingly unfair treatment of another individual during a domestic dispute in '93. I ended up being convinced to plead guilty to domestic violence in '93. Looking back, I would not have plead guilty. But was embarrassed at the time because the person is family. The details from my point of veiw are that I was provoked in a situational sense. And I was being mistreated by prolonged verbal abuse sessions. He was useing alcohol and takeing barbituates and medications for bi-polar disorder. I called the police and the police told me to shut up and live with it or move out or talk to the apartment's managent since it was my apartment. The management bounced it back and told me to call police. I felt like I was being made to feel guilty for not haveing graduated college at a young age. Other times I was not being asked to co-sign on leases for my veteran family member, instead it was a direct order that I co-sign. Then we got evicted again. That sort of thing has a legal term called extortion. I lost my cool with the whole situation and hurt him. He was better after a long while. But my eye retinas have certainly had extra strain because of it. Now I'm looking at 20k for a surgery debt. I went to get prescription glasses and instead of the doctor demanding that I get a preventative laser treatment he said it might not require surgery for a long long time. The retina ended up being detached and a surgery was needed when it might not have been needed. Legal people said I had a valid claim but it would cost 100k to have a trial. They said even if I won 40k that I would be 60k negative. The only way they would pursue it is if I go totaly blind in one or both eyes. Then the suit would be for 300-500k. Which makes bringing a case to trial mathematicly economical. Regardless I am glad to see 20/40 again. I can drive now. I could drive commercial again and want to drive commercial again. I know there are drivers who have worked out arrangements with dispatch and I know they must be doable because there are drivers who have been employed for long periods of time. I just hope that the reason they have not worked out for me is really because of business being in great demand at times and that it was not because of some lesson they wanted me to learn about committing domestic violence. If they were hell bent on getting rid of me because I had committed an illegal misdeamenor of assault I know after becomeing fatigued how the story would have ended. And then they would have escaped any responsability. Because of that I know how important it is to get sleep when needed (before becomeing fatigued not after) and claim 392.3. But I hope that if I claim 392.3 on those rare occasions when I need to that I will not have to become unemployed because of it. I am more sad then mad that JB Hunt declines to discuss this issue with me. And the same goes for my past employers too. It makes me feel unintelligent and I ask myself why do I still pursue a job driving. If I was smart I would save myself the hassle. But useing the CDL does have a place in my life and there are many good things about the job. I like going to different good home cooking restaurants because mom doesn't cook much anymore. Also they have laundry machines there and the plumbing usually works. I used to do my laundry at the stops now I have to drive 30 miles to the laundrymat. When the laundry was spinning I took a shower. Now the water at home is bad so I don't take showers here. I go to the spring and fill up the water barrell for drinking water. The house is more like a big truck or big box. But only better because of electricity. And it stays in one place and is easier to sleep without a diesal unit pulling in next door. But since we live next to an emergency ambulance and fire building there are times when the diesals still interrupt sleep. I wish I could save up money for a water softener and a new propane toilet. I don't understand why mom won't justify the expense now that shes older and could. Maybe it has to do with all the times she seems to have to make up for me not holding a job. When I was able to hold a job she was able to help my sisters with there children. I kept a load off her for a long time and now they drive new vehicles and have better paying jobs. It makes me feel like a loser at my age still being around here. My friends live all over the country and are doctors and lawyers now. I guess I thought wrong ten years ago when I decided to get my CDL. I was looking at the pay. My second year I made 37k. But ten years out I know different. I should have been looking at 150k. Like my friends were. Now they are almost retired. Going right from highschool through college. My path might go to finish college eventually. However I won't justify the addition of extra school debt right now. With no means to really pay for it. Hopefully I can get reemployed with a truck or make roughly what I would if I was in a truck. Then catch up on med bills and old school debt. Before I take on more debt to finish school. That might be the better path because holding a college degree these days doesn't guarantee a job. I wish we weren't in a recession now. And I wish management thought more long term. Without gleaning the numbers I don't know. Maybe they have to justify everything on a day to day basis and replace people who won't keep up for whatever reason. They also did not suggest that I take a personal day eventhough I had accumulated time. They didn't really care to know that I could have been of assistance in some other managerial form. I use a new Vista Excel and have had perfect grades in management accounting. So why has my life turned out like this. Perhaps the demands have been too much and the standards too high too early in my life. Perhaps I am really a loser for not measuring up to other young people. Perhaps too many potential employers just told me no. I don't want to have to listen to people putting me down and I don't want to put myself down. I never did. I looked on the bright side and still do. When other people point out the negatives about me it doesn't help. I try to point out the posatives of other people. were all going to the same place so why make it a bad trip. money? none of us can take it with us. So I don't miss it that much. My goals were simple. To own land and my own small house. To share my house with her. But she left. So now its to be eligable to ladies. Something it seems that I will never be able to do around here. I thought trucking paid enough to make that happen. But figure in my unemployment. Is the secret to realizeing that goal a personal justification that my life is more important than other motorists. I hope not for there sake. It would seem that safety can be justified at the same time I am able to maintain employment status. I would hope so anyway. Perhaps there is something they are not telling me and that is wrong.
http://online.onetcenter.org/link/summary/53-3032.00

 

Yes I know it rambles. Sorry, just no other way to cram those needed thoughts into less space. just fits in a 53ft box.