Mental reprogramming hypnosis self-help, any resources for truckers

Hello, God bless you for taking time to read and your personal attention

So I have thin skin and haven't started professionally trucking yet, but I have my CDL license.
I have self-doubt issues. My trucking instructors were kind of discouraging and made my training unpleasant

I know I'm not the only one in the world that resorts to using hypnosis self-help or "self actualization" tapes to help guide me or help me climb over my personal problems and negative self-talk / attachments

The hypnosis tapes helped me with relationships but I have to keep listening to them over and over so I don't forget the good stuff and thus turn into the original bad person I was and scare off the poor lady.
I listen to the Robert E Griswold tapes often in case anyone was curious

So it's kind of being not-genuine, since I'm kind of weak and gravitate towards darkness and solitude eventually without the help

I don't want this to disqualify me from trucking

What kinds of stuff do you guys listen to that helps keep your minds right and helps you give your best when trucking? If you came out perfect out of the womb and been so ever since, this thread may not be for you but maybe you have some helpful info anyways? God bless you all. Sorry about the weird subject matter. I'm really not a bad guy, I just haven't listened to the right hypnosis tapes yet

 

Zz top , george thorogood , eric church is what helps me.
You should get checked out before you climb in a 40 ton missle.

 

Man get checked before you jump into a truck.
Also being hard on yourself to a resonable extent isn’t a bad thing?
Kicking my own ### is the only way I get #### done, learn to cope with #### ups and understand ####ing up isnt “failing”
Failing is giving up or psyching yourself out.

“bar fights build character” as my ex alcoholic uncle would say lmao

 

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What did they do?

 

Nothing wrong with the darkness. Without it, light can’t be appreciated. How old are you?

You recognize that you have a problem. Good! You want to make changes in yourself. Excellent! Question is, HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT? You will have to go down the most difficult path imaginable. Are you prepared?

In the darkness, when everything is silent, do you hear a voice talking to you, replaying all of your failures and stupid things that you’ve ever done in life? It’s like some sort of torture from within. This voice in your head, it’s your voice, but different. Many people will tell you that this is your inner demon, but it is not parasitic. It is the Ultimate Version of You. If on a scale of scale of 1-10, you would rank your current self as a 5-6, the Ultimate Version of You would be a 12. All of your strengths and none of your weaknesses. This is the person that you are supposed to become.

“How do I become the Ultimate Me, Six?”

Self discipline. You have to reset your default setting. Martial arts is called a discipline for a reason. Push the body father than what the mind believes. The body will release lactic acid in protest and everything starts to burn. Ignore the burn and keep going. What does not kill you makes you stronger. The body will hurt and ache in protest, then it will repair itself and become stronger.

Take up reading. If you are going to be strong, you must be strong all over. Make it a point to learn everything that you can.

Talk with the Ultimate You. The things that you dislike about yourself is what he’s keep showing you because he wants you to recognize what causing it. If you don’t recognize that you did anything wrong, you can’t fix what’s wrong. Make sense?

“But Six, what about hypnosis?”

You want to give someone else control? How weak does that sound?

 

I felt like my driving was improving a lot but never got positive feedback or approval on my training. No "that's nice" or "that's getting better," the encouraging stuff. Just discouraging stuff. Overall got the impression that trucking is going to be unpleasant and I question myself if I'm willing to experience it through long enough to get the confidence gains, where I could say, "That's all easy, I've seen and done it all or will probably handle it/anything like everything else."

I let the haters get to me and changed from manual to automatic at the very last second. My training was complete in that I learned "everything" necessary to start working but psychologically I have ugly dark warts in my brain and I worry I'll get ridiculed at the next thing. Or could overhear gossip, "He sucks." People chattering to bolster themselves. The dark things in my brain maybe cause me to overlook one thing by over-prioritizing another, since things must be processed in spans of time shorter than a second. I am cognizant of safety but am I safe enough?? Can I be? Yes but how long will that mastery take for me? Trucking requires smoothly juggling all the safe things within the span of a second, such as at green lights. Elsewhere, such as gear shifting with eyes on road, RPMs, quickly put both hands on wheel, oh check that intersection, where are your trailer wheels, check your mirrors (NOT TOO MUCH, NOT TOO LITTLE), lane control lane control lane control but I am within the lane. This will all come automatic to me when I've mastered it, to where I cannot even explain it but just do it, just like other things I had previously mastered
I don't envy the trainers though or the poor tortured equipment and us naively releasing the clutch when brakes are applied. Some of the trainers were emotionally checked-out or had stress matching mine in magnitude but of a different frequency. I am not pointing fingers or saying there lies fault with any particular person. Maybe the training should have taken place on another planet, we all tripping on shrooms in a VR world of loopy landscapes where trucking can be fun and carefree. Obviously the sober reality all good truckers and good motorists share in is that there's serious consequences to screwing up driving. I got good at driving regular personal vehicles a decade or so ago and since because I had me-time to master it and self-judge. I think I'll need that me-time to master trucking. Maybe I need a dang simulator?
They told me over and over again not to be nervous. I know better, to be nervous enough to be cognizant and alert and safe knowing there's a bazillion ways a person can fail and not get their CDL. So I was nervous the whole time I was road training. That combined with no pats on my thin skinned back made it unpleasant. At least one of the trainers felt like my trucking judge and executioner, and I couldn't pick my trainer. So I internalize too much and here posting all this heap of garbage for your viewing displeasure, but I can get the kinks worked out with hypnosis tapes. Anyone knowledgeable on that subject?? My existing tapes aren't working

EDIT: Here's another thing I forgot to mention. I worry the self-doubt will cause my subconscious mind to do something that'll make me self-sabotage, do something foolish so I won't face the challenge

 

My pretty face is afraid of getting disfigured, its what does all my heavy lifting in this life. I can't afford to lose my precious face to satisfy my mangled ego. Dudes don't even want to hit me hard in the face out of worry lol
I'm going off topic and people are going to ask me to post pictures. I ain't gonna do that! I am anonymous for a reason. Because I'm not the final product as Triple6 says

 

Trucking isn’t the best career to be tied up in your self doubt, there’s no shame in that realization. Maybe this isn’t the best time of life to travel this road, hang on to your CDL and re-evaluate in time. Forget the “paid tourist” mentality you hear about, If you’re not truly committed to trucking, nothing about is a vacation, it’s not to say it’s not an enjoyable career, I’m in my 19th year, I’m simply stating if your heads not in it you’ll never get back out of it what you’re putting in to it. Best of luck.

 

Fabio? Is that you?