t'was The night before Christmas

[FONT=&quot]THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Pilot

Not a trucker was stirring, throughout the back lot;

The bills of lading scanned by the Trans Flo with care,

In hopes that ###### paychecks soon would be here;


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The lizards were home all snug in their beds,

While visions of horny truckers danced in their heads;

So rubber lady on my bunk, all set for the night,

I rubbing my tummy, thinking "this be alright!"


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When out on the flatbed there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the sleeper to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I ran like a duck,

Tore open the curtains, shouting "hey, what the F***!"


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The moon shining down on the piss yellowed snow

A smell of old Budweiser to objects below,

When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,

But a wrecked Mercer truck surrounded by eight truckers dear,


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With one ugly driver, looking well overfed,

I knew in a moment it must be ole' Redd.

More rapid than beagles his tormentors they came,

he grunted, and belched, as he called them by name;


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"Now, Rerun! now, Injun! now, Lilbit and Chompi!

No, Nana! No Bumpy! No, Otherhalf and 'billie!

I'm off to the Pilot to test the new stalls!

Get away! get away! Or be sorry, y,all!"


So off toward the truck stop Old Redd he did run,

With his bag full of toys, made for pervs fun.

And then, in an instant, I heard on my roof

The tooting and farting of some trucker goof.


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As I drew in my head, and with disgust all around,

Through the right door Ole Redd came with a bound.

His red suit smeared in dirt, from his head to his ###,

And his clothes smelled like fish, I swear it was Bass.


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His bundle of adult toys he had flung on his back,

Saw my rubber lady, started scratching his sack.

His beady eyes like a rat, his face, now that's......scary,

uh..oh..my friends........HE AIN'T WEARING NO PANTIES!!


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His ho.ho.ho'ing mouth was drawn up like a sneer,

And the beard of his chin reeked from the beer;

The stump of a cheap cigar he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;


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He had a big head and a round broad belly,

When shook like a moose, I screamed aloud ...."Whoaa..Nelly!"

He was chubby and plump, a right ugly old coot,

I laughed when I saw him, I gave him the boot;


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A punch to his eye and a smack of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

of stealing my rubber lady, he acting like a jerk;


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Sliding his chubby finger inside of his nose,

for blocking the funky odor, when from the seat he arose;

He sprang from my truck, as the mob gave a chase,

He wouldn't get far, they kept up with the pace.


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He was quick on his feet, but he had not a chance​

As they caught him soon, on his head they would dance;​

But I heard Ole Redd exclaim, as he fled out of sight,​

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good-Night!"​