What I am looking for....

(this is a "tongue-in-cheek" post)


I am wanting to be a truck driver, but I have my "standards"....

I'm looking for a company to put me through school, but it has to be one that will put me up in the HILTON while I train.
They need to feed me 3 meals a day AND pay me while I am in school.

I also don't want to have to pay them back after school or owe them anything. I want to leave them and go to work for another company immediately after my trainer releases me to be on my own.

The company I want to go to should give me a brand new conventional truck with the plastic still on the seats.
Preference is 379 Pete or W900L KW, but I would settle for a FL "classic" condo.
None of this "old crappy truck" stuff. I wanna be the only one staining the driver seat and stinkin it up with smoke.

And the truck should "run triple digits".
Everyone knows you can't make any money at 62mph.
I need to be able to "make up time" when I spend too long hangin out at truck stop swappin road fantasies with other drivers.

I want my dispatcher to keep me a load ready.
Even when i am early or late, he should have me something waiting....No matter if I call him or not to tell him this information.

I want only "no-lump" loads, and preferrably all drop&hook.
I shouldn't have to wait for anything.

Next I want 44 cents per HUB MILE. If the truck is rolling, I wanna be paid.
AND, I want to get no less than 3000 miles per week.

And I wanna choose where I go.
No nooyawk if I don't feel like it.
Southern routes in winter to avoid possible weather and delays.

But the main thing is that i wanna be HOME every weekend.
If they can't get me home every weekend, the least I will accept is every 14 days.
And I wanna be home for 4 days every time I get there. Even if a shipper has a load after being home only 36 hours, I want the FULL 48 hours I deserve.
And if I am already under a load, it needs to be rescheduled and delivered late so I can watch my snot nosed kid play soccer sunday afternoon.


And If I can't get all this from whoever is unlucky enough to be my choice....

I'm gonna sit around and tell everyone in the TS, and on the CB, and on the Internet that the "sorry SOB's" arent worth driving for.

And I might even call the Federal Marshals on them too.

That'll fix 'em.

 

Noone noticed that i was sounding like MOST of the new drivers out there today ???

:LOL:

 

I just wanted to make a point.

That it matters more what your "Net Pay" line looks like than what kind of amenities your truck has.

That spending too much time goofing off or hanging around the house lowers your pay.
You can't make money at the house in trucking... get used to it.

That not communicating with your dispatch can cause problems getting that next load.
I was an "early dropper" 75% of the time and hardly ever had to wait.
BUT.... you gotta TELL them you are going to be early.
And I don't mean 5pm the day before your 6am delivery.
If you know you gonna be there a day early, tell your dispatcher ASAP so they can get your next load.

That you may only log so fast.
And you only save about an hour on the trip from Dallas to Phoenix running 90mph instead of 70mph.
So speed should not be a factor in deciding where to make your paycheck.

That turning down loads is a sure-fire way to wind up sitting overnight.

That sometimes that "lumper load" is worth YOU getting a little exercise.
$100 for 2 hours breaking down a load is $50 an hour no matter how you look at it.

That 80% of a drivers' problems are SELF MADE and they have no right downing a company for things they themselves did wrong.