My experience from SFS to Conover

OK, so this is gonna take a minute, so bear with me...

I took a load from Conover to SFS... While in California, Michelle dispatched me up to Modesto, and then the Modesto term dispatched me back down to SFS so I could drag a load back to Conover...

*NOTE* WHAT in God's name is that brown cloud and AWFUL smell on the SB I-5 between Modesto and Bakersfield?? Good Lord I had to stop and puke for about 10 minutes!!! Anyways...

So, on my way down from Modesto, (Friday, early afternoon) I stop at a Popeye's to pick up a gallon of iced tea (I love their iced tea)... I'm driving, and I'm pouring, driving, and pouring... I get through half the gallon, and took 10, then hooked to my trailer (cause I DO NOT want to mess with I-5, 10, 15, 605,etc. during the evening) and I leave...

Saturday, mid-day, I get to Lake Havasu, AZ, and I fuel... I notice my truck idling a little strange, but it smoothed out, so I paid it no mind and kept driving... Take 10 a few hours later...

The next day: I get to Tucumcari, NM, and I stop at a Pilot to grab something to drink and use the facilities... I get back in the truck, but it WILL NOT START!!! The fuel filter took a crap, and me without a spare filter OR a filter ring!!! (Oh, NO!!) Fortunately, there was a shop nearby who charged me $270 to change the filter... However, while I was sitting waiting for the mechanic to service my truck, another W&S driver pulls up, and backs into the spot next to me, hitting my truck in the process!!! My first reaction (while I'm on the phone with Dwayne) was, "&#%#$^$!!! This guy just hit my truck!!!" So I get out and help him get into the spot, and I said, "Dude, you DO know you just hit my truck, right??" And he said, "Yeah I'm pretty sure I got you." As I'm surveying the damage, I see that he knocked my fender mirror out of place and there was a small scrape on my bumper, but all in all, it was not a big, hairy deal... He stands outside of my truck, while I was inside and he readjusted my mirror per my instruction, then he says, "Hey, your mirrors are kinda loose; do they move while you're driving?" I said, "Well, when a 70-foot vehicle runs into it, mirrors have a tendency to loosen up, but no, I didn't have any problems with my mirrors; until today, that is..." Anyway... The mechanic changes the fuel filter, and away I went...

THIS is where it gets FUN!!! The next day, I get to Texas, where I pull into a weigh station... I did what I always do: I open my privacy curtain, and roll down the windows so they can see inside... I do that, and the weigh master looks at me kind of strange, and asks me to pull over... I do so, and about 5 minutes later, Texas Highway Patrol shows up, and asks me to step out of the truck, and hand over my license, proof of insurance, etc... I do so, and the weigh master asks me to step inside the building and wait there (now I'm starting to get nervous), so I go inside... Then a SECOND patrol car shows up, and by this time, I'm sweating bricks, because no one told me what in sam hell was going on... The second officer comes in, and gives me a breathalyzer test, which I passed, THEN he gives me a field sobriety test (the "recite the entire Declaration of Independence backward while baking cookies and standing on one foot" test), which I also passed... THEN they give me a SECOND breathalyzer test, which I passed... So NOW, I ask, "What the hell is going on??" Just then, the first officer walks in carrying the gallon jug of iced tea I had bought 3 1/2 days earlier... (please refer to the fourth paragraph) He asks me if I know what he's holding... I say, sure, I bought that a few days ago, and I show him the receipt...

Apparently (and you're gonna love this), iced tea, if left sitting in a closed container, WILL ferment and turn itself into a Long Island Iced Tea!!! I am NOT a chemist, nor am I an ex-con, so how the hell was I supposed to know that was gonna happen?? The officer says, "well, what you have here, is a half gallon of "hootch"... Hootch is prison liquor... Evidently, the sugar in the tea, combined with the tea itself, AND 90+ degree temps, fermented and I was left with illegal liquor...

The weigh master said, "You rolled down your window, and I almost got drunk; that's why I asked you to pull over. You couldn't smell that?" I said, "With all due respect, I LIVE in this truck, day in and day out; I could take a crap in the floor, and I'd get used to the smell."

Anyway... The weigh master, AND the two cops were pretty satisfied that I wasn't drunk, hadn't been drinking, and DIDN'T intend to make hootch in a commercial vehicle, and we all had a good laugh... No charges were filed, no tickets were written, and they didn't even report the stop...

As I was leaving, I said, "I thought you guys stopped me because of the meth lab in the trailer!!!" Then one officer said, "Don't push it!!" They didn't think that was as funny as I did... And away I went... Until I got to Erick, OK...

I stop for the night, and contemplated opening a vein in my wrists for the AMAZINGLY rotten past couple of days I had, but instead, I opted to take a shower and go to sleep... I pack my bag to go into the Love's for a shower... I get in there, and I go to unpack the bag, and my shampoo bottle had opened up, getting shampoo on EVERYTHING inside!!! I sat on the toilet and laughed until I cried!!! Could this week get ANY worse??? I go back out to my truck and get non-soapy clothes, and I take my shower and go to sleep...

I wake up the following day (which was the ONLY good thing to happen to me that week), and since I decided to park at a Love's that was designated on my fuel route, I figured I'd fuel... Think so?? Apparently NOT!!! The truck won't start again... I look in the fuel filter bowl, and there's NO fuel in it!!! It leaked back down to wherever it comes from, so I get on the phone with Mike, at the shop in Missoula... He says to get some fuel, and pour it in there and spray it with starting fluid, and it should start and get you to somewhere you can get it looked at... I have NO fuel can, and the cops took my gallon container 200 miles ago, so I had to buy a fuel can AND some starting fluid...

I do as instructed, and the truck STILL won't start!!! As I'm trying to start the truck, the ###### battery dies!!! At this point, I'm thinking self-mutilation is a viable option... I ask another driver for a jump (which he kindly gives me), but it STILL won't start, so I call for service...

I talk to someone and told him what my symptoms were, and he decided it was my primer pump which took a crap on me... He has the part in stock (thank God) and said he could send someone over in an hour to fix me up... It was then that I thanked God for letting me live!!!

The service tech gets to me, and starts fixing my truck... He doesn't have the right tool to take the bolts out, so he has to go BACK to the shop (17 miles away) and drive all the way back to me... Right now, I'm kinda wishing the cops hadn't confiscated my hootch, cause boy, I sure DO need it!!! He gets back, and he STILL can't get the bolts out, because apparently, he stripped them using the wrong tool the first time...

I tell him the truck won't start, and he pulls out this obscenely large can of starting fluid and sprays the crap out of my truck while I'm trying to start it, and VOILA!!! It starts, but runs like poo!!! So I limp the poo-running truck to the shop, and he fixes it there... It only took him about an hour to fix it once he had the rights tools to remove stripped bolts, and off I went... I had been sitting for about 6 hours, and never did fuel, BTW...

So away I went through OK... I stop at a Love's in Clinton, OK to get fuel for me AND my truck, with every confidence that my truck was gonna start when I came out, and lo and behold, it does!!! However, Mother Nature has OTHER plans... You remember the tornadoes that ravaged Joplin, MO?? Well, they decided to stick around east OK, just to make my week MORE miserable... The police shut down I-40 and wouldn't let anyone go east... So there I sat, in Clinton, OK for 3 hours until the police opened up the road again to allow travel east... I spent the night in OKC, and got back at it in the morning... It was smooth sailing from there...

No more problems, no more hootch, no more tornadoes, BUT no more shampoo... I made it to Conover just in time for Steven to be gone, and I sat over night, but I didn't care one bit; I needed a break!!!

To those who took the time to read my saga, thank you for your time!!! All is well now, and I'm home enjoying a much needed rest and a BATH!!!

*Note: I do not have a fridge or a cooler in my truck, that's why the tea wasn't refrigerated...

 

As much trouble as iced tea has caused me?? Hmmm... Nah, I think I'll pass!!! In fact, I'm swearing off iced tea PERMANENTLY!!!

 

When it was happening, I was thinking, "Oh, great; NOW I'm a bootlegger!! I'm just a mobile speak-easy!!" But, in hindsight, you're right, when it was over, the cops, the weigh master and I had a good laugh, although I was scared to death!!

Just when you think your day can't possibly get any worse, you find that you've inadvertently created your very own moonshine still!!!