Social Graces

So it happens that I’m riding along I-40 in the Tar Heel yesterday. I’m enjoying the scenery, sunshine, and blue skies. Then, I see a few guys in hunting attire standing along the roadside holding shotguns. Pretty soon I also noticed a herd of some kind with orange and white stripes. I reckon they were gathering up food stuffs for Winter storage or something because they were all pickin’ up stuff alongside the road and in the median and such. Pretty quick, I noticed some more folks in the exact same huntin’ clothes as the first few.

I decided I had plenty of time and needed some practice of my own, so I stopped to see if I could join the hunt. One of the guys standin’ by the road turned out to be a gun totin’ chick. Anyway, she comes toward me wavin’ a shotgun and tellin’ me to drop my weapon. “Hold on a minute girly”, I said, “put that scatter gun down before you hurt yourself, or worse yet, me”. Apparently, she didn’t like bein’ called “girly” because things went South after that. She started yellin’ at me to put down my pistol, so I figured if she was gonna yell, I’d better listen for a minute, and I set it down on the fender.

She stopped yellin’ when I set it down, so I figured we were makin’ progress.... no matter how slow. When she demanded to know what I was doin’ there with a pistol, I told her, “Ma’am(since she was armed and I was no longer), but “Ma’am, we don’t see many of these critters herded up on the roadside. I always heard they ain’t much good for eatin’, but they sure are fun to shoot at, so I thought I’d stop and join in the fun. What’s the Bag Limit per Day on these things anyhow?”

That's when she informed me that if I didn’t leave, she had a nice white jacket with long sleeves I’d be wearing because she thought I was nuts. I told her I’d didn’t care much for white jackets, but since it IS after Memorial Day and all, white jackets were perfectly acceptable for wear right up until Labor Day……. That's when she attacked me. She threw me up against the truck, patted me down, and felt me up in several really swift moves. The whole thing kinda scared me at first. I told her this ain’t Georgia and I don’t hear banjos, but you sure are forward actin’ considerin’ we just met. Yes Ma'am, I think I just might like you Tar Heel girls…..if’n of course you could just put that scatter gun down.

She then informed me that I had the right to remain silent. I asked, “why would I do that?” She said anything I say can and will be held against me. I looked her up and down and back up again and said “Breasts”….. Finally, I thought we were makin’ more progress when she laughed and complimented me by sayin’ I was the most backwards arsed hilljack she’d ever seen, and that she'd never in her life. I laughed and said “That ain’t what I heard”.

Then she told me I best be movin’ along before them other fellas got upset. I thanked her for the good time we shared and pointed out that she needed some more Social Graces. I just wanted to play too. But, since my presence wasn’t welcome there, I’d take my toys and go home. She asked what I meant by Social Graces? I told her “well, I’m not too sure, but I thought it sounded good at time. But I reckoned this one thing for certain……. all of these problems could be easily avoided and solved…… and that in my estimation, what we really need, is a bigger truck.

 

I'd sure share if I had any of the above, but as it turns out it was just a thought that amused me a good bit when I passed by the scene with the guns, stripes, and the chick officer...... Good thing she didn't she me laughing else I'd prolly be in that white dinner jacket she offered up in the story........ besides, since "The Thread" is closed, I had to post this up somewhere.

And now it occurs to me, it could use some editorial proof-reading..... I'll have to work on that, but for now, off the the J for a coldie since sittin' in Kenly, NC until tomorrow.......and a bonus, there's a truck show and fireworks display here later. Maybe the back row will have some special entertainment out tonight too.......

 

Speaking of the thread....since it's locked up, where'd everyone go anyway?

 

Every single day..... and every single time I'm stuck in a dock door......LOL