Question for the parents out there..

I put this on this forum because if I don't do something, my health may be in jeapordy..

I love my children, all 5 and my 3 grandkids, dont have to question that.
My 5 are all grown now and 3 of the 5 are doing just fine. Two still live with us, my daughter has a 4 yr old with us as well. I have always told my kids, our home is their home, whenever they need a place to stay and that they can always count on us for help. I now think I may have made a mistake by telling them that.

How long, in your own opinion, should a parent allow their child to stay in the house? Another thing I have always told them, concerning "our house is your house", is that they must have a job or go to college. So, how long would you let your child stay in your house and not have a job or going to college? I mean, I feel I have bent over backwards for my kids and I should. Got that, it is my job as the Father to take care of my family, but is it not also my responsiability to teach them to fend for themselvs?

I don't know, just having a hard time with son not working as hard as I would to get a job and my daughter having her prioritys backwards and not puting her child first. I am afraid my actions may effect my marriage and I just need some insight into what others would do.

Thanks and God bless

 

Thanks Lilbit,,,believe me, we have talked with daughter to our heads explode and son as well. I know the problem is me, I say this and that and never follow thru. For instance; I told my son when he moved back in, after dropping out of Basic Training, that he had one month to get a job or start school. He carries the attitude that he doesn't believe me, and I understand why. We ask them to help out around the house, don't charge them for anything and they act like their life is more important. I say; "What life?"

We are a pretty close family and the other 3 don't seem to have a problem with moving out and creating their own life but these two... My daughter actually said one day; "I can live on what I make, living right here". She was making $660 a month from the death of her daughters father. I was shocked. I dont have that work ethic. I know they love us and I know we aren't perfect but, sheesh...

 

My parents charged me rent when I was just 16.. They only did it due to being broke.. I will never charge my children rent. When/If my wife and I do start teaming than we will charge for Utilities, since we will not be here 85% of the time. We have already talked to the kids about it.

 

Yep! I was shocked too when my son told me he was signing a "I QUIT" letter... I said; "WTF?"... I went through BT at the tender age of 36, my daughter went through it and she is 4'11" and weighs about 105. My oldest boy went through basic but, my youngest boy couldn't do it.. I do give him a little slack, since the 1st SGT asked who wanted to go home in the first place.

I don't believe in charging your kids rent when needing a place to stay until they get back on their feet. Just follow rules and help out when asked. But, if they are just living here to take advantage of the roof over their head, a bed to sleep on and free food, than I have a problem with that.

 

Gatorbaiter, I agree 100% with you above statement..