Am I a bad driver? or just bad decision maker?

Roost,
I feel for you brother. if you have enough post pm me and i can try and give you some bits of advice from a different perspective.

 

I am sorry for your loss. I think grief has probably affected your decision making processes. The loss of a child is a heartbreak that nothing else comes close to.

It seems like you are expecting things to fail, and therefore, they do. Get some grief counseling, try to think more positively, support your wife, and KNOW that things will get better.

I can't give you any employment suggestions, but I can tell you that your personal life can, and does affect your work life. Take a bit of time to sit back, relax, and re-center. It will help.

 

My heart goes out to you and your wife, I can't imagine loosing a newborn child but have some experience with grown children and suicide.

The words quoted are probably the best advice you have been given so far, I could only add contacting the Pastor of the Church of your choice, you can find that people with positive attitudes generally have a positive influence on you and your thinking.

You have certainly had your share of bad luck in the equipment provided and the companys selected, as suggested, do more homework on your selections, ask more questions of more people/drivers to help with your selection process.

Finally, no job, trucking or otherwise will be perfect, in just try to roll with it, let patience be within your goals and take a deep breath, walk away from the problems for a few minutes/hours and they seem to become clearer for me.

Good Luck, my prayers are with you.