Blood Clots & Bi-Polar

The latest news concerning me going back out on the road is this: My wife is against it, my mother is against it...and I'm not sure what to do.

I got my show up date pushed back until next Monday, the 20th. I am probably having a problem with my bi-polar mania. I mean, heck, it is probably part of the "highs" you get when you are bi-polar. I am also thinking I must be desparate to want to drive. I have nothing but respect for truck drivers, but I don't know if I could actually handle the stress. When I was in my 20's, it wasn't that hard. Now, when I am closer to 50, the stress of the situation gets to me.

I am going to continue to weigh it out this week. I hope someone can tell me something sensible. My wife and my mother are too close to me to really have that much of an impact on my decision. I love my wife and mother very much, but I am not sure I listen to their advice very well. I sound like a little baby I'm sure. I am really scared to make a decision like this. I feel ###### if I do, and ###### if I don't. We really could use the money, if I can make as much as hoped for (35k year to start fresh).

Please weigh in and let me know what you think...besides something telling me I'm crazy.

Sonicbuffalo

 

The biggest problem I face is taking the blood thinner, Coumadin (warfarin). If I was driving a truck over the road, I could not take Coumadin since I wouldn't be home enough to get my blood tested. That means I would probably have to just quit taking it. That would probably increase the liklihood of more clots. Not definitely, but possibly.

sonicbuffalo

 

stranger said:"...You are bi-polar. This is definitely not a condition to have on the road. Drivers get depressed enough with the demands of driving. Your condition, when in a low mood, could put you in a position of despair, which could lead to all kinds of thoughts, including quitting, leaving the truck and going home (most of us out here have either thought of this or did it), or worse, suicide.

The other problem is blood clots. Many drivers die from heart attacks. Stress and bad eating habits which can not be avoided on the road lead to a lot of deaths. Blood clots cause quite a few heart attacks and strokes out here also. Many blood clot induced heart attacks are written up as a plain heart attack, which technically is true..."

sonicbuffalo: many thanks to you stranger. I just didn't want to accept that there is something I can't do anymore. I am 49, and think of myself as being too young to hang it up. I have been in dispatching, and even worked as a load planner, and a regional manager in trucking. I always kept my CDL just in case I couldn't find a job in the office. Your points are valid, and ring true. Yesterday, I had some bi-polar problems. I almost bought a large scale map (for the road), and even went to a truck stop. I sat there for a while considering whether I should attempt this or not. I would be hanging my butt on a limb to say the least. At the end of the day, my Wife and Mother must have had a lot of influence on me. Now you, too, are having an effect. I have been wanting to see my blood clotting as a 'fluke' thing, that would never happen again. In reality, it very well could happen. It's just hard to say 'no'. I am leaning real hard into hanging it up for good. I feel this is my last opportunity to get into trucking again. If I let this one go, no other company will take me. I already have two DOT physical cards, but even with this company, I would have to take the physical again. I am starting to doubt very seriously that I will drive.

What you said about me being a danger to myself and others on the road is true too. I don't need to add a bad incident attibuted to a dangerous trucker. It could end up killing a family, or some other loved one. I would probably be dead, but my family would know, and it would be devastating to them. The more I think about it, the less inclined I am to do it. I wouldn't say I am 100% not going to, but pretty darn close.

**** To Leanna ****

Thanks for reminding me about how special my wife is. She loves me very much, and just talking about driving is driving her crazy. She has been through enough in the last year, so maybe I should just shut up. Thanks for your reply.

sonicbuffalo

 

very true!

 

Stranger...,

Thanks for your kindness and consideration. I guess you and I both are at the age (I'm 49) where our health has started to decline. I am probably kidding myself to think I could withstand all the pressure and stress of driving over the road. It doesn't seem that difficult, but it really is a tough job.

I have just been thinking I can overcome all the anxiety and stress. I have possibly been delusional for considering driving again. It might have been different if I had been driving for the last 20 years, but I haven't. As I said, I have been working in sales, and in trucking management, and just clung onto my CDL.

This morning, my nerves are pretty frayed. My anxiety has been building today. I am hoping I have sense enough to say no. I am still leaning that way. Your posts have made a difference. It is a kind of reality check for me. I appreciate your efforts. I will keep you informed.

sonicbuffalo

 

Today is Thursday. Tommorrow is the day. I am supposed to call the trucking company and get instructions for reporting for orientation. I have mixed feelings regarding reporting. I am still leaning against it. Stranger here, has brought out some valid points for not going driving. The bad side is I have not been able in a year to find a job around here. Trucking is the only option available to me. It is scarey to think that trucking is the only opportunity around right now. My common sense tells me to forget it, and let this pass. I hope I am strong enough tommorrow to say no.

sonicbuffalo....barely weighing his options...

 

I called the trucking company Friday as promised. I neglected to tell them about my health problems. I guess you could say I am stalling. I had other valid reasons that I gave for not being ready to go drive just yet. Part of me still wants to give it a shot. The other part tells me to just call them and tell them the whole truth and get it over with.

In all honesty, I am getting closer to admitting to myself that I just won't be able to do it. I have applied for disability from Social Security, and also through the VA for Veterans Compensation linked to my service in the Coast Guard. I had a bi-polar maniac situation when I was in there too. It's scarey that I went about 30 years without really having any serious bi-polar episodes.

sonicbuffalo