Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

I need my daily Snaz fix!

 

Okay Ducks, Kane, Duker, Sage, Shandera, and x2b. I'm running behind due to reasons beyond my control. I tried to post last night, but I was just to pooped to poop. So, ya'll get Snazzy points for having to wait. Let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

Toothless and I managed to get the remaining boxs of papertowels unloaded before the local police arrived. I was standing by the shipping clerks plastic window when the officer arrested me. I was searched, handcuffed, read my rights, and placed in the caged backseat of a patrolcar. The Porkly Pig and the Security Princess gave the officer an ear full. I wasn't asked a single question and if I had been, I'd probably just remained silent. Yep, your own mouth is your worse enemy when your arrested. I knew that and sure wished I kept quiet when I was arrested for that pending DWI. So, I was a little shocked when the officer just released me at the gate. He wrote me a ticket for simple assault and had me sign a tresspass summons. From what he said, it was a warning for me not to return to this slave camp. If I did was going to be charged with criminal tresspass. What a deal !

I asked the officer how I was going to get Amelia if I coundn't enter back on the property? He suggested that a get another driver to fetch her. I even asked him to just drive me back there and that I'd leave right then. The officer was a real jerk and acted like I was ungrateful for not going to jail. So, I walked a few blocks and spotted a couple of trucks parked. It looked like they were waiting for thier appointment times. I gave them my song and dance and one of them agreed to go fetch Amelia for me. I promised him $20.00, as soon as he did. So, we sashayed back to the guard shack. An older Security Guard got on his handheld radio. Yep, ole broke nose Porkly Pig came scooting up on his Cushman. Nope ! That driver wasn't going to be allowed on the property to get Amelia. So, I did exactlly what your thinking and committed the crime of the century. Yep ! I stole my own truck. Well, kind of.

It was a simple plan, that wasn't planned out very well. I simply hid in the sleeper of the friendly driver who had offered to help me. He wouldn't even take my $20.00, because he agreed that this wasn't right. So, he pulls in and drops me off behind the enemy's line. I low crawled over and stuck in the door key. So far so good ! Amelia fired right up, so I slipped her in gear and eased out her clutch. So far so, CRAP ! Yep, they had them lock jaws that hold the trailer's DOT bar to the dock. The red light was on above the door indicating that it's a no-go. Crap ! Okay, I'll just unhook and drive bobtail. I can worry about the trailer later. Just as I was about to dismount the Cushman came driving up. I fell to the floorboard and hid, as the prison guard drove by. That was close ! So, as soon as he left the area, I climbed down and unhooked. So far so good ! I remounted and drove bobtail towards the exit. The guard shack had one of those wooden boards that raised and lowered. Of course it had me blocked, so I swung around and parked next to some empity trailers. Hmm ?

Okay, let's see. Maybe I can just follow another truck out ? Yep, as soon as one pulls up to leave, I'll just follow him out ! What a deal ! So, I sat there and watched as 20 trucks entered, but not one left. Crap ! So, I waited some more and finally a truck swung up to the exit. I pulled in right behind him and raised my air seat. I also put on a ballcap and some sun glasses. Yep, I was incognito and my own mother wouldn't of recognized me. The old Security Guard came walking back carrying a clipboard. I froze in the seat and rubbed my chin. Geez, I hope he doesn't remember me. He waved for me to backup. So, I did and watched as he opened the trailer door in front of me. Yep, they actually checked to make sure that you left empity. The other truck pulled up to leave and I followed, just inches from him. Crap, he stopped leaving me face to face with the old Border Patrolman. The old Guard lowered the board and I was trapped. So, I just cracked the driver's window and stuck my lips out.

My Lips, " Howdy ! "

The Old Guard looked up at me, " Where's your trailer at ? "

I didn't lie, " It's locked on the dock being unloaded. I just want to go get a bite and come back. "

The Old Guard, " I can't let you do that ! What's your trailer number ? "

My Lips hesitated, " Wait a minute ! Okay its trailer number 2526 and it's backed onto dock # 87. I have the signed BOL and they're through unloading. They just haven't unlatched her from the dock. "

The Old Guard looked puzzled, " Well. go get it ! You can't park your trailer here ! We don't allow that ! "

My Lips lied, " Oh, I thought I had to check with you first. Can you have them release the dock latch ? "

The Old Guard looked aggrevated, " Your suppose to do that ! Well, go on back there and I'll call them. Make sure you to leave your trailer doors open when you come out. I'll have to look back there ! "

So, I backed up and made a u-turn. I slowly made my way and was happy to see the go-green light. Yep, the perfect plan was working. I rehooked and did a quick walk around. All system were go, so I went for it. I almost fell out of my seat as I spotted the Cushman at the guard shack. Crap ! So, there weren't but 3 options. Full speed ahead and ram the board, make a u-turn and hide, or lie my way out.

My Lips stuck out the crack, " I left the trailer open, so you can take a look see. There's nothing back there ! "

The Old Guard handed the clipboard to Porkly Broke Nose, " I 'll have him sign you out. It's my lunch break. "

Porkly Pig raised his hoof, " Driver ! Hand me your signed Bill of Lading and shut off your engine ! "

I smiled, " Okay ! There it is ! "

Porkly Nose read it over, " Okay ! Shut her off and I'll need to look in the back!"

I shut her off and waited, as Porkly Pig Broke Nose waddled back. I watched him through my Westcoast Mirrors. Yep, ole Porkly Nose wasn't to bright. He hadn't even realized who I was. He stood behind my trailer writing down on the clipboard. He finally waddled back and handed me my paperwork. I was just about to pull out when ole Porkly had a moment of clarity.

Porkly threw up his hoof, " Hold it ! Stop right there ! "

I thought about smashing through the board, but what the hell. All he can do is call the cops. Geez, this was silly. All I wanted to do was leave. So, I tried one more lie.

My lips spoke politely, " Officer, all I want to do is leave. That policeman told me that I could get my rig ! I'm not wanting any trouble and I'm sorry about us having that misunderstanding. "

Porkly rubbed his white tapped snout, " Shut her off and step out ! Your under arrest ! "

I tried some tact, " Look ! Let's just let this go. It's silly ! I just want to leave and I promise that you'll never see me again ! "

Porkly climbed up on Amelia's door step and shot me in the face. I pushed the electric window button and the window sealed shut. The pepper spray bounced off the glass and hit Porkly Nose right between his eyes. Yep, it was sight to see. Ole Pig Nose began squeeling and flopping around. I was so stuned that I didn't know what to do. Well, okay I did laugh a little. He wasn't through yet. Yep, he gave it another try. This time he tried to smash my window with his handheld radio. I simply hit the button and grabbed it. Yep, I was sitting there with his radio and he was crying big tears from own mace gun. Well, then he decides to squirt me agian. This time he manages to have the thang pointed at himself. Yep, ole Pig Nose dang near committed suicide by tear gas.

The Old Guard had called the local cops and sure enough the same officer pulled in code 3. I kept my hands on the wheel and had shut off the engine. The Cop drew down on me and I was arrested again. This time for criminal tresspassing, resisting arrest, and criminal assault. What a deal ! Well, there was a problem. There happend to be a security camera that had videoed the whole thing. Yep, even the Old Security Guard took my side. The Cop looked over the tape and learned that Pig Nose has lied. Yep, he'd gased himself twice, without any help from me. So, the Cop was also a little upset that Pig Nose hadn't allowed me to have another driver get Amelia. So, I was free to go. I handed the Cop, the Pig's radio and left. That's a trip I'll never forget as, Life Goes On.

Good night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Whew, made it out of that one.

 

That's a relief, I was getting so paranoid. I hope hope this means that things might be getting better.

 

Yes Leannamarie we dodged the bullet, err mace on that one. Let's see if anything else can happen, as Life Goes On.

I called Blow Hard and he had a good deal for me. Yep, right down the street from where I was parked was a load headed back to Fort Worth. So, I was cutting it close for my pick up time. The warehouse quit shipping at 5 pm and that only gave me a few minutes. So, I drove as fast as I could and made it. Yep, just in time to be told to come back at 5 am. Crap ! So, I drove back to the truckstop and climbed into Amelia'a womb. I woke up early fueled, showered, had breakfast, and read over the latest stall news. It was 4:30 am, as I sat waiting behind 50 others big rigs. Yep, I guess 5 am is a popular time for shipping. The guard read from his clipboard and handed me a map. I was to go to dock 43 and back on. It was a live load of canned goods and drivers weren't allowed inside. Great ! So, I spot dock 43 and of course there was a problem. Another trailer was backed on it. So, I park and go inside the shipper's office. The young girl acted like it was my fault. Yep, this place was a grocery warehouse alright. So, after an hour of phone calls I was told that the dock was clear. Nope ! The same trailer was right where it was, in front of dock 43. So, I used some in trucker innovation and backed onto dock 44. Heck, there were 20 dock doors and all of them were unoccupied.

So, I sashayed inside and yelled, " YOU WHO ! ANYBODY HOME ? "

A Forklift answered, " Driver you'll need to wait for dock 43 ! Just park out in the lot and wait ! "

I was polite, " You know how long it will be ? "

The Forklift was abrupt, " As long as it takes ! "

So, I parked in the lot and watched the world go round. Yep, I sat there for over an hour and nothing happend. So, I sashay back inside and the Forklift threw his forks up. Blah, blah, blah, he's by himself and I'll have to wait. So, I waited some more. Lunch time came and went, the sun began to sink, and I was still waiting. So, I go back inside and talk with the Pallet Jack. He was just a lumper and bummed a cigareete from me. What a deal ! So, finally a bobtail swings up and dock 43 was now open for business. I opened my trailer doors and backed on. Yep, I was told that I'd have to come back tomorrow. Crap ! So, I drove back to the truckstop and called Blow Hard. He went on and on about the time he whipped a whole warehouse. After an hour of Blow Hard's story telling, ( kind of like me wasn't he ? ) Anyway, we agreed that I'd get $50.00 detention pay and try again. So, back to the womb and same ole same ole, same ole.

The next morning I was the first in line. The security guard gave me a funny look. Yep, he claimed I was at the wrong place. According to him I needed the warehouse across the street. So, I had to circle the whole complex and start all over. There were 100 trucks trying to pull in and I had to wait. Geez ! Anyway, I finally get to pull out and there was a center turn lane inside the 4 lane road. I guess it was a 5 lane, counting the turn lane. I pulled into the turn lane and drove the half block. Of course there were a couple of trucks ahead of me and a few behind me. It was around 5:30 am and rush hour was in full bloom. I noticed the line wasn't moving, so I turned on the C.B. Yep, they had a fenced gate and didn't open untill 6 am. The other drivers were all lathered up and making a fuss about it. Heck, I could of topped all of them with my tale. So, all we could do was wait. So, we waited. I noticed that a local yocal drove by and parked in front of the lead truck. I then heard the driver warn us over the C.B that the cop was on the hunt for parking violators. Hmm ? I sure didn't see any.

The Local Yocal was all business, " Need your D.L. and insurance ! "

I handed over the goods. " What's the problem officer ? "

Local Yokal fingered my D.L.. " Ya'll are parked in a no parking zone ! My Sgt. sent me over to issue citations ! "

I protested, " I'm not parked ! I'm waiting to turn inside that warehouse outfit ! I've got a load to pick up ! "

The Local Yocal wouldn't listen to common sense. So, I got a parking award, for my troubles. It didn't make me feel any better that the other drivers got the same. Yep, a real windfall for Johnny Cash City. What a deal ! So, I signed for my award and finally swung in. The Security Guard was a real winner. Yep, he wanted to see my parking ticket. I explained that I'd give it to him, if he'd pay the fine. Nope ! He claimed that he needed to log the violation into his guard log. So, we locked horns. Yep, I'm a real outlaw ! No flat footed rent a pig was getting the sweat off my family jewels ! No Sir ! I'd go to death row still clutching my parking award, as they pulled the switch and the ticket burned to hell along with me.

I was brash back then and it didn't take alot to set me off. I called Blow Hard and informed him that this was my last grocery warehouse load. Yep, I'd quit before being treated the way I had been. I did stop at the city hall and pay my fines. Get this ! For punching the guard I paid $ 75.00, the parking ticket was $ 200 ! Of course the name of the street, for the city hall was Cash Avenue. What a deal !

Good Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Gees, Snazz... seems every time I check in here you're handing out money. Watcha drivin' there, pal? It's almost like they see ya' comin'!

​

 

I'm beginning to think its a Snazz conspiracy, they're out to get you. But, you still have Amelia. Seems she's the only one you can count on. (Knock On Wood)

 

Good ole Ducks posted another excellent picture, so she'll get an I owe you, for 100 Snazzy points. I'm a little short right now, but I'm good for it. Yes, a conspiracy Mechwyphx2b. Let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

I ended up back home, after over a month out. I was doing okay, but decided to turn down any grocery warehouse loads. Wifey was trying to make our marriage work and I noticed. Yep, now instead of her being gone all the time, I felt smothered. Geez ! Ain't I something. So, we played house and I was a good boy. I felt terrible about losing our home and new cars. My daughters couldn't understand why we'd gone from riches to rags. Looking back I'd of done some things differently. Yep, I'd of stayed on the police department and just given Wifey her divorce. Then I'd saved some money up and bought a decent truck to start with. Maxine I felt was a mistake, even though she was a good truck to learn on. She was just too old and the old saying, you get what you pay for is true. Amelia was a real truck and a work horse. But, live and learn, I guess.

So, my next load with Tarmac was in heavy haul. Blow Hard dispatched me to Irving, Texas to pull an oversized boiler to a nuclear plant. What a deal !
Yep, since I was an excop no one figured that I'd have a security clearance problem. I hadn't reported to Tarmac about my pending DWI, but back then you didn't have to. Unless you were driving a commercial vehicle or your license got suspended. So, I bob-tailed over and hooked onto a trailer that stood 14' 6 " and weighed about 90,000 lbs by itself. I had to hook up to a tag-axle,(also know as a dolly axle). It's an extra axle that hooks to your 5th wheel and allows you to tow extra weight. All of it was news to me, because I'd never pulled heavy haul. An experienced hand at the plant helped me out. Blow Hard had given me my heavy haul permits. I had to drive a route that the Texa Department of Public Safety had approved. That was because of the extra height and weight. I also could only drive 30 minutes before sunrise, and untill 30 minutes after sunset. That had something to do with safety. I wasn't required to have an escort, because I wasn't over wideth. The trailer had an extra axle on it's rear tandoms, for extra weight distribution.

I was a bit leary, but figured this sure beat dry van. Most of Tarmac's heavy hauls were short runs, usually under 600 miles, and mostly in Texas. It paid great ! Yep, something like $ 500, for the first 100 miles, and $3.00 for every mile after. This trip was just a little over 100 miles, but I also got 88 cents per mile for towing the tag axle back to Irving. So, for a days work Amelia earned her keep. I took extra care doing my pretrip inspection. I made sure my oversized load banners were displayed on front and back. I even checked all of the tires had proper inflation. Yep, all 26 of them, it was like pulling a centipede. I headed out in plenty of time to make my 1 pm appointment. The way it worked, was you only had a 15 minute time frame. Yep, if I wasn't there by 12:45 pm, the load would be turned away. That was because the nuclear plant required the truck to be put through a Sally Port. That's an area that has double gates. You pull inside, the rear gate shuts, and the front gate remains closed. Then they used dogs to sniff for exlosives and mirrors on poles to look underneath. I even had to go through a metal detector and show idenification. What a deal !

I made my appointment time and the Security Guard had me pull into the Sally Port. So far, so good ! I was then was escorted inside and showed my ID. They took my picture and prints, and even made me an ID card to wear. So far, so good ! When I was escorted back outside is when things took a turn. Yep, they'd gotten inside Amelia and her matress was being peed on by the dog. What a deal !

I was nice, " Excuse me ! Do ya'll normally pull out the matress and let the dog wee-wee on them ? "

The Guard took the defense, " He's not wetting ! Get over here Magnum ! "

I pointed to the yellow stain, " See that ! He just pissed on my bed ! "

The Guard petted Magnum, " Good boy ! Heel ! Good boy ! Sit ! Sit ! Yes your daddy's little helper ! "

I wasn't impressed, " How about daddy's little helper fetching something to clean this up with ! "

The Guard got testy, " Driver ! He didn't do that ! That stain has been there and Magnum is a trained professional ! "

I stood my ground, " I just saw your dog make water all over my matress. Ya'll shouldn't have layed it on the ground to start with. At least let me get something to clean it off. "

The Guard shook his head, " Driver ! They're still searching, so you'll have to wait ! "

I pointed, "I have some rags and Lysol in my sidebox. Just let me get it out".

The Guard spoke in German, " Ocy Huff Bolyen ! Magnum alert ! "

Magnum yanked on his leash, " I'll rip your throat out ! Bark ! Bark ! "

I looked at the Guard, " If you set him loose on me, I'll kick his teeth in ! "

The Guard smirked, " I woudn't try that if I were you ! Magnum is a trained killer and you wouldn't have a chance ! "

I was ticked off, " Set that bad boy loose ! I'll show you how to ....

The other Guard jumped out of Amelia, " We got drugs ! See this ? It looks like cocaine in here ! "

Magnums' Daddy opened the jar, " Smellingee ! Smellingee ! "

Magnum got a snoot full, " Urrrrrrghhh, Urrrrrghhh ! "

Magnum's Daddy licked a finger full, " Yep ! It's cocaine alright ! Good boy Magnum ! Good boy ! "

I chuckled, " That's not cocaine ! It's itching powder ! It's a gag ! There's a bottle of dead crabs in there too ! It's just a joke ! "

Magnum started pawing his snoot and his Daddy did the same. I couldn't help, but to bust out laughing. Geez ! Buy em books and send em to school. Anyway, Daddy and Magnum got to go to the showers. I drove to the drop point and unhooked. I think the whole plant was laughing, as I left. What driver in his right mind carries dead crabs and itching powder ?

Good night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Finnally got one over. A small win but it was due. Don't mind me, I'm just in the mood for revenge.

 

Yes, x2b a very small win for the Snaze. Let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

I got another heavy haul load from the same plant of boiler makers in Irving, Texas. Yep, another boiler headed to Amarillo this time. So, I hooked up a tow dolly and hung my oversized banners. I felt a little more at ease, since having some experience now. I was routed using US 287 and it was an easy trip. Well, we know better than that ! A DPS trooper got me for speeding 59 mph, in a 45 mph zone. Actually I was going 60 mph, but the trooper cut a mile per hour off. Yep, they started that 15 mph over, as a serious violation. So, I wasn't happy, but I was guilty and it could of been worse. The trooper was nice enough and just doing his job. If your wrong, your wrong ! I like to think that I'm a stand up guy. Yep, if I screwed the pooch, well I'll fess up and take my medicine. That was the first speeding ticket that I'd gotten in over 12 years and the only moving violation that I ever got in a big truck. So, I returned the dolly axle to Irving and called Blow Hard. He had a some tripple flatbed trailers headed to Boston. What a deal ! So, by now I was an old hand. Yep, I'd survived a whole year over the road, as an owner operator. Of course, I'd been driving a big rig for over 3 years, if you count my part time auto hauling for Blackie.

Things were moving along and a little war named Desert Storm got started. There were American Flags waving all over and I hauled some military big guns for Uncle Sam. Yep, it was neat to swing into a truckstop and be the CB's main conversation. I got a few free meals and more than one slap on the back. To be honest, I really wasn't all that gung ho. Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't that I was anti-war, but I really felt that we were being hired as a super power, to take police action for hire. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not like we were defending ourselves. Matter of fact, a couple of the countries that hired us wouldn't allow the US flag to be flown on thier turf. I'd of withdrawn and wished them luck ! Geez! Anyway, I had other worries. Yep, the Shark Lawyer had dropped the ball and I was given a court date. What a deal ! So, I had to return home and miss out on some good loads. Well, even there I had a problem. It seemed that Tarmac had gotten slower and slower, about paying my settlements. Thier excuse was that Uncle Sam was slow on paying. I knew better, but I figured that there was something to it. After all Tarmac's world headquarters was in London. Our checks were drawn on a New Jersey bank and Tarmac's U.S. home office was in Atlanta.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.