Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Uh oh-Looks like the little man is running the show again!
He's gonna get you in more bad trouble Snazzy. I speak from experience. Unfortunately.

 

This can't be good.

 

Yep Ducks, Big Duker, and Kane it looks like we're in for a big fall. Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

I got off work and drove sraight to the motel. It was a Saturday night, so I was off the following day. What a deal ! I tossed all of my dirty clothes in a dresser drawer and wiped down the bathroom. I took a quick shower and even polished the family jewels. I decided to wear my dress slacks, white shirt, and a pair of slip on hush puppies. You know, neat looking, but a bit casual. I walked over to the motel office and paid for another week. It was almost 7:30 pm, as I sashayed into the Hide Away. Since it was Saturday night the joint was packed. Elmer and his wife were seated in thier usual booth located in the corner. The bartender was new, but she looked like she'd poured more than one beer in her 60 years. I took a seat on the far toad stool and ordered a cold one. The jukebox was crying ' There's A Tear In My Beer ', as I tasted the sour hops.

Elmer staggerd over, " Hey Barney ! What are you up to ? "

I gave the him the Barney grin, " Five foot, nine inches, and still growing ! "

Elmer laughed harder than was necessary, " You a hoot Barney ! Where's ole Geno at ? He's usually here by now. "

I lit a 100, " I don't know, but if he's counting his money it might be awhile."

Elmer doubled over laughing, " Oh man ! You sure got him pegged ! Counting his money ! Your a hoot, a real hoot ! Counting his money ! He he he he he haw haw he he haw haw ! Counting his money ! He he haw ! "

Sweet Thang wiggled up and covered my eyes with her ice cold hands. I had spotted her in the bar mirror.

I made a funny, " Must be a penguin with fingers ! "

Elmer went spastic, " A penguin with he he he he haw he haw he haw, a pen he he haw he he haw, a pen he he he he haw ! "

Sweet Thang climbed in my lap, " Have you been here long ? I decided to just come on out, instead of calling. "

I bounced her on my knee, " No ! I just got here. You want a beer ? "

Sweet Thang made a face, " Do they have wine coolers ? "

Elmer staggered behind the bar, " I got apprecot, appple chin, apple hen, err, apple grin, crap ! Apple center man, cen, crap ! "

Sweet Thang giggled, " Apple Cinnamon is fine ! "

Elmer twisted the cap, " I'm Elmer and Barney there is my main man ! You need anything, you just ask for it ! Hey ! Janet ! Janet ! These two drink free and I mean it ! Barney is my man ! He's a real hoot ! "

I blushed, " Thanks Elmer. I appreciate it ! "

Elmer staggered back to join his wife. " A real ho ho ho hoot ! Hiccup !"

Sweet Thang looked worried, " Is he okay ? "

I stood up and held Sweet Thang like an infant, " He's fine ! "

Sweet Thang hugged my neck, " Don't drop us ! "

I sat her on the next stool, " Dang girl, you've filled out ! "

Geno appeared out out of thin smoked filled air, " Barney ? If your giving her away, I'll take her ! "

I thumbed Geno's bass fish tie, " That looks real ! What'd you do ? Catch Mobey Puss and string him around your neck ? "

Geno slapped me on the back, " Hehehehehehehahhahhahhehe! He he ! Your a hoot Barney ! A real hoot ! "

Sweet Thang excused herself, " I'll be right back. "

Geno's eyes followed her butt, " Man, Barney ! You must be hung like a horse!"

I shook my head, " Nope ! They call me tuna can Barney ! "

Geno doubled over, " Hehehehehehehehawhawhawhehe ! Tuna ! Hehehehe hawhawhawhawhehehehaw ! You're a hoot ! "

Sweet Thang and I drank several more before heading to the motel. She left her pickup at the Hide Away, as we walked hand in hand into a cold North wind. The motel bed squeaked, Sweet Thang squealed, and I moaned. What a deal ! Life Was Good !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I woke up and heard the shower going, as I staggered in the bathroom. Sweet Thang's shawdow showed on the shower curtain and I reached over and pinched it. I stood over the pot and bled the lizard.

Sweet Thang spoke over the water falls, " Why don't you check out and we can move your stuff today ? "

I shook it four times, " Move ? Back in with you ? I can't ! Your dad would have a fit and I don't need that ! Geez ! "

Sweet Thang swung the curtain open. " I told you last night that he's going to move to Colorado. Remember ? He's retiring next month and has all that vacation time. He doesn't even have to work another shift. He and his new wife are moving out there. My mom is happy he's leaving ! She says he still tries to tell her what to do and they've been divorced for 5 years. "

I squeezed the tooth paste on the brush, " Maybe after he's gone and out of here ! When is he leaving ? "

Sweet Thang wrapped a towel around herself, " He's already moved most of his stuff. He'll be gone for good right after his retirement party. They're having that on New Year's night. You know Christmass is in two weeks. "

I rinsed. " Well, when he's gone for real I'll think about it. You know he sure screwed me up with that DWI ! Man ! I can't even drive now ! Geez ! "

Sweet Thang unwrapped her towel, " Let's have one for the road. "

She took my hand and led me back to the bed. We enjoyed each other for at least half an hour. Juices flowed and the bottoms of my feet sucked in. I felt weak and satisfied. Sweet Thang got dressed and wouldn't let me walk her back to her pickup. So, I slept in and took it easy.

Around noon the door knocked, so I sat up and tried to clear my head. The knocking got louder, as I slipped on my fruit of the looms. I hopped over with one leg in my jeans.

I peeped through the peep-hole, " Just a minute ! "

Wifey knocked louder, " KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK ! "

I opened the door, " What do want ? "

Wifey folded her arms, " We need to talk ! Is your girlfriend here ? "

I stepped aside, " No ! Do want to come in ? "

Wifey sat in the chair by the window, " It's cold in here ! Don't you have any heat ? How can you stand it ? "

I twisted the furnace knob up, " So, what's going on and where are the girls at ?"

Wifey looked out the blinds, " Their in the car and I can't stay long. I'm going through with the divorce and you need to know that my lawyer is going to take Amelia. "

I pulled my t-shirt on, " Well that's just fine ! You know, I still owe more than you can get for her ! She's leased on with Road Kill Express and I have a husband and wife team. Thier doing pretty good and making a little money. That's how I can pay that $1,000 per month child support. But, go ahead and do it ! I already talked to the finance company. They said if you try to get her they'll demand the full amount owed. They can do that ! Yep, they'll repose her and sale her at auction. You won't get a penny ! "

Wifey shrugged, " I'll just keep her leased out ! They can't repose her if I make her payments. My lawyer told me that ! "

I shook my head, " You lawyer is full of crap ! Your name's not even on the loan agreement ! You can't get a loan ! With our credit ? Your nuts ! There's noway! Trust me ! "

Wifey opened the door, " Well, I told you ! So, do want to see your girls ?"

I slipped on my hush puppies and followed Wifey to her car. The twins acted distant towards me. I gave them each a hug, as my oldest girl sat sulking in the backseat. Wifey ordered the twins back in and sped away. I had to walk over to the office. Yep ! I'd locked myself out and felt stupid. Real stupid, really, really, stupid. Really, really, really, really stupid ! But, Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Boy, just trying to make a living and all the shady one pop out of the woodwork. Snazzy better watch his ###.

 

Hey Snazzy!

I love this story of your life. You sucked me in with your first post ... well when i found it anyway. I was home sick yesterday and read all of them! Took me all day and most of the evening! All I can say is WOW! I cant wait for the next chapter to come in. It was the first thing I checked when I got home from work today...

 

Yep Renorcr life is filled with the ' Shady Ones ' ! Hey Snazzers we have a new member. Let's have a big Snazzy welcome for OTR4ME, as Life Goes On.

Geno put me on a special assignment, because of the robberies. Yep, just before Christmas three of his fourteen stores had been hit. My job was to make the money pickups as soon as the store had more cash on hand than was needed to operate with. Now I guess, I was stupid. Some things at the pawnshops just seemed awfully fishy. I had noticed it from the start. Most of Geno's stores were real dumps, in old run down buildings, and located in the worse parts of town. I had been amazed at the amount of cash that flowed thru them. Even the crappy stores brought in several thousands of dollars every day. I knew that the pawnshop business was an all cash deal. But hey ! Something just didn't add up. We'd do good at the training store if we sold $600 of merchandise per day. Oh, we'd loan out, about as much, but every day ole Big Owl would make a bank run. He'd make one at noon and then another one before we closed. All of the stores had huge safes located in the rear area, where all the pawned items were stored. Of course all the stores had expensive jewlery, guns, and other valuables. Anyway, I was just a new hire that made minimum wage. It wasn't any of my business and I got the idea from Big Owl, that none of us pee-ons needed to know. You know !

Geno was seated behind his desk, " Here's the keys to that piece of crap ! Now the main thang is to keep a low profile. Don't be obvious and keep your eyes peeled ! Take this hand-held radio and keep it turned on. I'll radio your pickups and as soon as you have the bag, make tracks ! Elmer will be making his pickups and will radio you where to meet him. Once he has your bags, then just wait for your next pickup. If you run into any trouble just blast your way out ! We're not going to get hit, but if we do, we're going to show em ! You got any questions ? "

I had to ask, " Why don't you just hire an armored car company ? I'm sure they service alot of stores this time of year. "

Geno laughed, " Your a hoot Barney ! Armored car, he,he,he,he,haw ! Hell let's just call the fed's, he,he,he,he,haw ! What a hoot ! "

I stood up, " Okay, I have another question. Let's say I get hit, or I spot that I'm being followed, or who knows ? Maybe I walk in on a robbery ! You really want me to shoot first ? I mean we're on thin ice ! I know that we can carry on premises, but out on the street ? Remember too, that I don't even have a valid driver's license ! "

Geno busted a gut, " He, he, he, haw, haw ! No valid license ! Your a #### hoot Barney ! Geez ! Your killing me ! He, he, he, haw ! Now get out of here! He, he, he, he, haw, haw ! "

I packed my arsenal into a large canvas tote-bag. My main choice of fire power was a Mini Mack Ten, that had a shoulder strap, that would hang under my overcoat. I chose a 12 gauge, sawed off shotgun, that would fit nicely between the bucket-seats and console. I decided on the Colt Python, four inch .357, for my hip holster. To round things off, I slipped on an ankle holster, with a 25 auto. Of course, I wore a bullet proof vest that had a metal plate covering my heart area. Yep, I was ready to play, all I needed was to check out my ride, and do my thang.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazyy1.

 

#### Snazz he didn't tell you to go pick up Sammy "the Bull" Grevano. HAHAHA I bet you looked like the outlaw Josie Wales. Sounds like you were heading out to the old Rocket Club on Jacksboro Hwy.Let me get behind some cover and before your next post.

 

Dang, Snazz -- don't you ever LEARN? It's a good thing you're a couple of thousand miles away or I'd smack you a good one upside the head.

 

Yep, Big Duker your within a stones throw of where these truer than fiction tales took place, do take cover ! Ducks me learn ? Hah ! The only lesson in life to learn is, " Don't get caught ! " Snazzy points to all, as Life Goes On.

The General Lee was parked behind the pawnshop. Well, I guess he might of been used in the t.v. series ' Dukes of Hazzard ' at some point in his life. Maybe he was used to jump over a barn and landed in a creek. Yep, he was a 1969, Dodge Charger, with faded-out burnt-orange paint. The paint didn't hide his rusted out quarter pannels and he didn't display the # 01 on his doors. His windshield was cracked and his wheels were painted an off-white. I tossed my bag of goodies in the backseat and fired him up. The engine roared like a Tom Cat jet fighter. Geez ! Just a touch of his go pedal made his rear tires smoke like they were on fire. I had barely made it out of the parkinglot when the hand held decided to speak up.

The Hand Held was loud and clear, " He Barney this is Geno ! You hear me?"

I keyed the button, " Go ahead Geno ! Your loud and clear ! "

The Hand Held coughed, " #### cigarettes ! Okay ! Proceed to Berry #1 and check with David. You copy ? "

I had to ask, " Does this gas gauge work ? It's showing over full, but do I need to stop, and put some in ? "

Geno's face showed thru the speaker, " #### if I know ! Stop and get some gas, if you need too ! "

I grinned at the speaker, " Okies dokies, bossy ! Weze stops ands gets somes, donts wonts tos bees hoofens its outs heze ! "

The Hand Held coughed up a laugh, " Hee, wheeze, hee, wheeze, hee, hee, wheeze, a hoot, cough, a cough, a hoot, a wheeze, a hoot ! "

I stopped at the corner station and tried to pump some in. Yep ! The gauge worked, so I popped the hood. His oil was fine and what a sight ! Yep ! A 440, chromed out, douple pumper, Hemi engine, with headers ! What a deal. So, I paid for the $1.10 cents worth of gas and sashayed into the mens room. I zipped opened the bag and hung the Mac-10 over my shoulder, threaded my hip holster onto my belt, and slipped on the ankle hardware. I wiggled into my trench coat. Well, it was my old army raincoat that had seen better days. I stood in front of the mirror and practiced my up swing. Yep ! I was armed and dangerous ! So, I returned to the General Lee and stuffed the short barreled shotgun between the bucket seats. Store # 1 was just a half mile away, so I just blended in with the morning traffic, and tried to fit in. I'm sure that I did. Yep, just some low life, ex-con, dope smoking, down on his luck, burglar, on his way to pawn some stolen stuff. So, I swung into #1's lot and parked right in front of the glass doors. The lot was full of old clunkers and the usual gang of 40 Ouncers were knee deep in rolling the bones. Yep ! They'd shoot dice and each other right in front of the store. So, I slipped on my my black knit Simpson cap and placed on a pair of cheap shades. I didn't want any of the locals to recognize me. When I was in training, part of my duties had been to relieve some of the managers, for thier lunch breaks, and bank runs. So, I knew most of managers, employees, and dirt bags.

I craned my neck around looking for the unknown. I didn't see anything to stop me, so I sashayed in. The 40 Ouncers didn't even notice me. David waved me over to the far counter and I placed the canvas bag ontop. I knew that all the stores had a small area that wasn't under the security camera's watchful eye. David made some small talk and placed the bag behind the counter. He stuffed in a couple of brown paper bags and zipped the bag shut. He told me to have a nice day, as I exited with the loot. The 40 Ouncers were all in a heated debate about snake eyes or box cars. It didn't interest me, so I unlocked the General, and tossed in the bag. As I went to back out a large piece of crap Buick blocked me in. I reached for the Moosberg and chambered a round. The driver never knew that he had committed a capital crime, as he pulled up, and let his daughter out. She waved at me as she ran in, due to being a half hour late to work. What a deal !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.