Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Yep Mc85 the whole world would do better without all the crooks and Pj hit the nail on the head, 'no good deed goes unpunished, as Life Goes On'.

The weeks slowly passed by, as my savings account dwindled and I got more desperate. Yep, I couldn't find a job on a bet and the wolf was at the door. Well, a stray dog that I had named Lobo. No ! He wasn't a wolf, but a mixed breed mutt that the world had forgotten. Yep, we were quite a pair and had a lot in common. Lobo licked his food bowl, as I hammered down another cold one. Captain Hook spotted me and hoofed it over.

I greeted him, " How are they hanging ? "

Hook grinned, " Your a Hoot Barney ! Say ! One of the fellas in the bar the other night gave me this. He said, this outfit pays in cash and as long, as you have a CDL. Well, you might want to call em ! "

I eyed the beer coaster, " I'll call em ! Is this their number ? "

Hook gave me the look, " Yeah ! That's why I wrote it down there. Oh, have you heard anything ? "

I was honest, " Nope ! TLX is fighting my unemployment benefits and that Idiot at the employment office is a joke ! My attorney keeps telling me not to take another job until we settle. "

Hook petted Lobo, " Well I guess, I better get back and let me know how that works out. See you Barn ! "

I sashayed inside and called the number, " Ring, ring, Midnight Movers ! "

I cleared my throat, " Huchhkuumm ! Excuse me ! I have a friend who met one of your drivers and ...."

He whispered, " You got a CDL ? "

I bragged, " Yes Sir, and it's clean as a hound's tooth ! I have all of the endorsements, T, A, M, P, E ,X, and M,O,U,S,E too ! I have a current DOT physical, 20/20 vision, my pecker is 14" long, I can leap tall..."

The Whisperer had heard enough, " Go to the Flying Hook and see Lefty ! "

So, I did. Yep, Lefty was seated in the third booth and looked like a Carny. You know, like a carnival worker and I sure knew what they looked like. Remember ? Back when I use to... Well, you know ! Anyway, Lefty was old, pale, and wrinkled. He had on a pair of plaid green slacks, a yellow jacket, and a red Alp hat, with a feather in it. His dark Foster Grants hid his beady darting eyes. Yep, ole Lefty was as nervous, as a preacher in a house of ill repute. I approached him slowly, " Are you Lefty ? "

He tensed up, " Who's asking ? "

I introduced myself, " I'm Barney Goose and ...."

He jumped up, " Let's go outside ! Hey ! Can you get this ? I left my wallet in my car. "

So, I paid his meal ticket and caught up with him in the parking lot. He was hunched over the trunk and digging through the contents.

I made small talk, " Nice looking old Ford ! What is that a 1956 ? "

Lefty pointed, " Get in and I'll give you the low down ! "

I shut the passenger door, " Man ! This is a classic ! "

Lefty cranked her up, " I'll drop you off and this is your bus ticket. That's your in-transit tag, your insurance card, here's your logo signs, and this is your fuel card. When you get down there see Popcorn. He'll have your cash advance and give you the run down. Any questions ? "

I stuffed the crap in my overnight bag, " Uh ? "

So anyway, Lefty slowed at the corner and pushed me out. Yep, the good ole Blue Hound Bus Lines. I got a window seat next to a fat woman who was eating a gallon of ice cream, two hot dogs, a pizza, three bananas, four roasted hens, a bowl of chili, and the armrest. What a deal ! The evening to turned to night and Hippo Woman began to snore. By now, I was crushed between her and the side window. Fifteen hours later we pulled into the South Texas Station. A young girl pointed up at me, " Look Mommy ! A man's face is painted on the window ! "

So, I peeled myself loose and sashayed off the bus. Now, I wasn't real sure where I was suppose to go. Yep, it was your typical South Texas bus station. You know, full of brown skinned folks, all jabbering in their native tongues, and toting carryall chicken cages. A wino looking guy holding a bag of popcorn approached me, " Barney ? "

I nodded, " You must be Popcorn ! How did you know it was me ? "

Popcorn led the way, " Your the only white man that got off the bus. Now, we're cutting this close and you'll need to get going. Go ahead and get on back and we'll be there in a minute. "

I sat on back, " What is this a Vespa ? "

Popcorn let her rip, " Our yard is just the other side the tracks. Now, never hang around there after dark, because it's a pretty rough area. "

I agreed, " Yeah, for minute there, I thought that I'd slept through my stop and was in Peru ! "

Popcorn stopped by the fence, " Here's your travel advance and that's your rig over there. This trip report has the destination on it and when you get it delivered they'll settle up with you. "

So, before my feet were firmly on the ground ole Popcorn buzzed off in a cloud of dust. I shouldered my overnight bag and slipped through the cut cyclone fence. Yep, the yard was filled with junked wrecked rigs. It looked like a ... Well, like a junkyard of wrecks. Well, you know what I mean. So, I sashayed over and read the unit numbers. You know, the numbers on the bumpers. Let's see, Y-670, F-2024, B-52, 12406, GU-994, Bingo ! That's got to be it ! What the hell is it ? Hmm ! Looks like a crane or something. Man, this is silly ! Look at those bald tires, broken windows, missing lights, and what's that ? Grease ? Oil ? Transmission fluid ? Gees ! I bet, this piece of junk doesn't even run ! Look at that ! The door won't even open ! This is silly and I'm not going to drive that hunk of junk. Well, don't tell me ! Go call that number and tell them that ! Oh, shut up mind voices ! No ! You shut up and quit your belly aching ! What a deal, as Life Goes on.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep Big Duker you have that right and Pj hang on, as Life Goes On.

I started sashaying towards a pay phone that was on the corner, when the first one landed. It hit so hard that the gravel puffed up dusty smoke. My end-stinks kicked in, as I slouched and ran for cover. The closest thing that I could find was a dumpster that was overfilled with trash. The stench made my eyes water, as I scanned the parking lot looking for the evil doers. Yep, some dirty dingus must be chunking rocks at me. The second missile landed inches from my head and I was able to identify it. Yep, it was a frozen piece of ice the size of a softball. My mind voices chimed in, " Run for your life ! It's hailing ! " So, I ran and slid under an old school bus and just barely made it. Yep, the sky opened up, as the hail pounded down and the winds picked up. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied something next to the rear axle. The figure was knelt down and still as a statute. I low crawled towards it and sized it up. He looked to be in his early sixties, rail thin and dressed in bum's rags. I didn't want to startle him, so I announced myself, " Man ! That's some storm. Look at it come down ! "

He pointed his knife, " Don't come any closer ! "

I stopped crawling, " Hey ! I'm not looking for any trouble and you can put that away ! "

He had to ask, " Who are you and what do you want ? "

I cheesed, " My name is Barney Goose and ..."

His eyes lit up, " Oh ! Popcorn said, that they hired a guy named Goose. So, your one of New Bees ? "

I sat up, " Yeah ! Well, I'm new to this, but I have a few years behind the wheel and ..."

He chuckled, " You New Bees get my goat ! Everyone of you think that you can do this ! I bet, you quit before your first run ! "

I defended myself, " Well, you might be right ! They told me, that all I had to do was to deliver a truck and ..."

He spat, " And you fell for that ! Hell, if that was all there was to it, they wouldn't need us ! They'd have their own drivers do it ! "

I thought it over, " Well, I figured that some outfits might need drivers to shuttle stuff around. You know, rental companies, lease outfits, and companies like that. "

He laughed out loud, " Well, your half right ! Now, some of them companies are legit and are on the up and up. Hell, they're few and far between, but do things by the book. You know, run legal and do things right. Hell, they even checkout their drivers and have insurance. Now outfits, like Midnight Movers are the ones that fly under the radar. "

I lit up a smoke, " You mean, that you drive crap like this ? Man ! That's crazy and ..."

He smiled, " That's why, they call me Crazy Ray ! I've been doing this longer than most and will keep on doing it, for as long as I can. "

I blew smoke, " Well, I wish you luck, but this isn't for me ! Nope, it's too risky and my CDL is worth more than a few bucks. I mean, those Bears would have me under the jail and throw away the key ! "

Crazy Ray egged me on, " Yeah ! I figured you, for a quitter and don't have what it takes ! Yep, your better off running home to mama and leave the real driving to men like me ! "

I took offense, " Let me tell you something ! I was the General Manager, for TLX and co-chaired some of the DOT regulations ! Yep, I've rubbed elbows with some of the most important movers and shakers there are. Hell, the President sends me a Christmas card and ...."

Crazy Ray busted a gut, " Sure you did ! That's why your sitting under a bus and chewing the fat with me ! Now, you don't have to make stuff up and try to impress me ! Hell, we both know why we're here ! Society needs someone like us, to keep the world going around. Without drivers willing to do the dirty work and take the risk. Well, DOT would have to close shop and all the Judges would starve. Yep, it's men like me, that get the job done and ..."

I had to brag, " Look ! I've run outlaw before and know how it's done. It's just, that back then it wasn't a big deal ! Now a days, a little infraction can ruin a driver. I had a DWI a few years back and that almost cost me my whole career. Hell, the way it is getting now, just a speeding ticket can wreck everything you've worked for. Nope ! It's not worth it and I can't afford to...."

Crazy Ray made sense, " Look ! Why don't you just do this one run and then call it quits. I mean, your already here and we're both headed the same direction. "

I caught that, " How do you know that ? "

Crazy Ray filled me in, " I saw you checking out that overhead crane and it's headed to Atlanta. That's where I'm taking this bus too. We can cover each other and once we're there. Well, you can get something legal to head home in. "

So, I thought about it. I mean, Crazy Ray was right. I was there and sure hated, to have to buy a bus ticket home. Yep, with a little luck and some good plotting, I could make a little money. Besides, what could possibly go wrong, as Life Goes On. What a deal !

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep MC85, if it can go wrong it will and PJ44 is right, money talks and BS walks, as Life Goes On.

The hail finally letup, as an old water truck swung in. Ray spoke Tex-Mex to the brown skinned driver and pointed.

I had to ask, " What's that guy up to ? "

Ray enlightened me, " He's going to wet hose our rigs and ..."

I rolled my eyes, " He's going to put water in our tanks ? "

Ray opened his backpack, " No ! He's hauling diesel in there ! You see, they have to pay taxes on any fuel brought over, but water isn't taxed. "

I got it, " Oh ! I see, but isn't that risky ? I mean, no Has Matt Placards, or nothen ? Gees ! He's sure taking a chance ! "

Ray held class, " He's not taking any chances ! See, he knows all the Border Agents and they just wave him through. Yep, he's got a good deal going. I bet, he didn't pay twenty cents per gallon and he'll charge us three times that. Now ! Take this end and I'll start taping her up. "

I held the Duck tape, " Oh ! I see, what your doing. But why ? "

Ray kept taping, " This orange colored tape makes it look like pinstripes. See how I'm covering up those School Bus decals ? Yep, when I'm finished she'll look the part ! "

I had to ask, " Look like what ? "

Ray pointed, " Like that ! See ! She's taking shape ! Now, let's get the other side and do it the same way. We still have to get you ready to go and we're burning daylight ! "

We finally finished, " Yep ! That sure makes her look different, but why are you doing this ? "

Ray pasted the sign on, " Here ! Hold that there ! Let me put some more glue on it ! That's better ! See ! Now, I'm Brother Ray, the traveling Gospel of the Holy Roller Church ! Amen ! Brother ! Amen ! "

I scratched my head, " I still don't get it ! "

Ray began to preach, " You see, if you put them in-transit tags on and the Midnight Mover logos on her. Well, you might as well put up a sign begging them Bears to pull you over. See, I'll put them Texas exempt plates on and she'll look the part. "

It hit me, " Oh ! I get it now ! You'll look like a traveling preacher, on the road and spreading the Gospel ! Man ! That's pretty shrewed ! "

Ray slipped it on, " How do I look ? "

I was impressed, " Boy Howdy ! With that white collar on and black jacket, you'll really have em fooled ! What's this ? "

Ray helped me on with it, " That's your orange vest and your hardhat. Yep, you look just like a heavy equipment operator ! Now, let's get these girls ready to head out ! "

So, we did. Yep, ole Ray sure knew his stuff. He put red tape over the red lens, orange tape on the amber lens, and even taped up the parts hanging down. What a deal ! As, Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.