Where is everyone #5

I ain't gonna get much corn haulin done tomorrow.
Just gotta hear this ending...

 

Me either...my cars will have to wait a bit!

 

Walk into the prisoner intake and first thing I ask, "hey, before we go any further can somebody just tell me what the #### is going on?" Yall are acting like I'm the night stalker and you just apprehended one of the criminals from the FBI top 5 most wanted list. Let me see your dam wanted posters.

The guy doing the processing was laughing and just said hold on, I'll see what's going on. Hopefully you can post bond of we can get Judy to get the paperwork and info on you.

Judy??....who hell is Judy? I DONT LIVE HERE. why would I know Judy.

Andy and Barney made these people look dumb. I was getting worried cause the clock is ticking. It was just a matter of time until Tyron would be glad to see me in that jail cell. Well bout the time they took my finger prints, In walks "Judy". She looked more like a Jerry or even the sasquatch from the Jack links commercial, but i didn't give a dam, I just wanted to get out of there. Not now, but RIGHT NOW!

Judy says, "ohhhh....I see you dont like paying tickets he he he.

Me" "Wut?" (I'm ready to ask her if her parents ever had any kids that lived) I was able to keep my ######## comments at bay. It was tough.

You got a ticket over in (cant remember what county) Missouri in Feb of 2007?

Lady, what in the sam hell are you talking about? I had to really think back. Sure enough.

Remember that stupid break light ticket i got? Yeah, good old boss never paid it! Now ain't that some ####.

 

So, here I am. They said they leave at 4, but "hopefully " they can clear this fine today, if not they would be glad to take care of it Monday.

Sure, how bout I just go home with you Judy. We will go get a pizza and go hang out. Maybe go to the swap meet or stop over at your grandparents house and they can tell us stories about 1929 and the great depression. I'm sure the judge wont care as long as we have break lights and dont speed through town.

So finally she says, well $280 for the fine and whatever, $75 court cost. We can do it today if you want.

If I want? What you think I just wanna stand here with my teeth in my mouth? Let's go, heres the money. Give me a receipt so as I make the 40 mile jog back to my truck, I dont get a ticket for loitering. Well I pay the fine and stuff, and out the door in went. As I start walking that state trooper sees me. He says "hey, you got a a way back to your truck?"

I dont know how long I stood there looking at him with what had to be the stupidest look every seen on a man's face, but I didn't even say anything. The look must have spoke for it self. He told me to get in and hed take me back there.

Soo....off we go. And I thought everything was done. Well, not quite

 

We about done here guys.

So, we are cruising towards interstate 55. He asks where I'm headed and making small talk. I says St.Louis

I said "yeah, I'm sure glad I got outta there. I dam sure didnt wanna stay all weekend in the jail with a bunch of dudes. My girlfriend is alot better company plus we already got plans to deliver in the morning."

He says: "we?....wheres your girlfriend? She meeting you there?"

No, shes in the truck. It woulda been nice if you coulda arrested her too so she coulda atleast watched the the people at the Pilot acting like a bunch of tards.

Trooper: WAIT!!! YOU MEAN SHES IN THAT TRUCK THIS ENTIRE TIME???! ITS ALMOST 100 DAM DEGREES OUT HERE!!!!

boys, that's when things went beyond intense. The lights went on, he mashed his motor and we was gone like a shot from a gun. Now I don't normally get a edgy about going fast in a vehicle, but this guy was makin me nervous. We was only a few mile outta Judy's town when he realized that my girlfriend was in my truck still. So I got about a 30 or 40 mile ride of about 130+mph in a Missouri State patrol cruiser.

What I don't understand is why he was so freaked out. The truck had good A/C and she would be fine. I was more worried about her going in and trying to set the scalehouse on fire then anything. She can get like that sometimes.

So we make that turn onto 55, southbound rollin. He sqauls the ####ing tires down the get on ramp. In my mind, theres absolutely no way hes not hopped up on some type of illegal energy drink, or maybe hes not taking his riddlin, either way....we go screaming down 55 like a bat outta hell. IF we make it back to the scalehouse and IF I'm still alive when I get there, I'm going to NEVER do anything stupid in Missouri again. I might never even go back to Missouri EVER again.

Well, I see us coming up on marker 9. But theres a problem. They ain't no way to get to the scalehouse on the northbound side from the southbound side....unless you find a exit with a overpass, or just run through the meadian at full speed at oncoming traffic.

Would anyone like to guess which one we decided made the most sense?

 

Wow! What an F'n mess! It does actually sound like the Trooper that provided the chrome bracelets was actually pretty cool! The rest of 'em seem pretty dim though! Especially that Dbag that wrote the original ticket!

 

Intermission...lol

 

Howd we get to the scalehouse? Dont worry, I'll just tell you cause I'll never forget.

We were passing people like they were up on jack stands, which was interesting because I never got to see the reactions of the people from the cop car side of things. Definitely makes you nervous. They reminded me of wild stray cats, when you came up on them, they freak out and they dart off in directions that you least expected. It kept you guessing. You didn't know if they would hit the left shoulder or go right or what. Hell I think some of them just wanted to race us. He didn't notice, but I did, I'd look back behind us and there would be some wanting to keep up with us. Like they were getting free race time on the interstate. I reckon they figure they couldn't get pulled over by us since they were BEHIND us. Hilarious.

I also found the trooper to be almost like he was in a trance playing a video game and seeing how many people he could pass.

As we came up on the scalehouse, he looked over at me real quick . he says, "grab on to something. These meadians arent the smoothest. "

Oh, hell. Here we go. We just pass the northbound scale on our left. So, we DIDNT come to a slowdown in the southbound hammer and then make a nice gradual 90 degree turn, ya know and use our turn signal wave to our friends watching us....NO. that's to safe, logical and it's to easy, plus it would have made us look like a couple vaginas in front of our northbound scalehouse audience. He shoots at a 45 degree angle THROUGH the meadian straight towards on coming cars then caddy whips it to the left back around toward the scales.

We left black marks in the hammer lane on the northbound side. I seen them. Then we go screaming up the ramp to the scalehouse, passed all the trucks lined up going in.

Guess where he stops? Right next to the platform scale. The 2 scale masters are setting there with my girlfriend staring at us laughing. Shes laughing too.

In front of everyone she asked if I shit in my pants.

 

Honestly, in the end, they were all cool. If it hadn't ended the way it did, I would probably never stop at another scale in Missouri the rest of my life.

 

Great job ! We've all been on the edges of our seats. Cliffhanger to cliffhanger, every single chapter. Excellent work. You even left in a cliffhanger ending to set up a sequel. Don't give it away now. If they wanna know whether you redecorated the inside of your pants, make 'em buy a ticket to the next movie.
Encore !!