CDL Tests General Knowledge

Pre tripping wasn't part of my permit testing. Knowledge about when to pretrip was I believe, but thats it. You'll learn it in school. I actually just got tested on it friday, and passed, but lost quite a few points for not knowing the procedure, even though I did almost everything right during the inspection. Didn't realize I was supposed to pretend I was taking a DMV road test, the only things schools actually care about, lol.

Also, from what I've been told, the days of fixing your own equipment are over. Well, for company drivers that is. Companies don't want you touching their trucks. Some companies don't want you changing mudflaps, lol.

 

Even if you are mechanically inclined it's still hard to remember everything and actually talk it out and explain what you're looking for.
Yep that's good,
Yep that's good,
Yep that's good,
Yep that's good,
Yep that's good,
SIR GOOD DOES NOT TELL ME ANYTHING! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR AND WHY IS IT A PASS OR A FAIL YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME?

Alright I'll start using technical terms Mr. Almighty Instructor!

Well you see that brakes are in adjustment they're actually "dead on balls accurate" there's less than one inch of travel when pulled by hand and less than 2" of pushrod travel when the brakes are applied. My tires have acceptable tread left they're "knee deep in rubber" none of them are "pregnant" and nobody got mad and decided to "knife one" none of my "caps" are "separating" so we shouldn't leave any "alligators" on the road. I'm "knee deep in brakes" My catwalk is "locked down" I'm not "pissing fluid" from any place on the motor, "I got's no leaks on my exhaust" My "tandems are locked in and ready to roll" My clutch "grabs where it should with the correct free play" "splitter operates" "Range selector selects range". Now if you could please supply me the Vasaline because I gotta put this 70ft rig in a spot designed for something that's 58ft long wish me luck. After that we gotta hit the road, I gots to "drop the hammer" going through "disfunction junction" and hope we don't "brake skid" a tire when that moron "4 wheeler" cuts across 4 lanes of traffic to take his exit. And then I'll "holler" at some of the other "drivers" on the "squwak box" and complain about that "4 wheeler" when we turn around at that "choke and puke" over there 8 "yard sticks" ahead of us you think we got time to "guzzle some go go juice" because I just hit the "danger zone" and we're "sucking air".

Did that tell you enough Mr. CLD tester?

And they just look at you like "what the hell are you talking about".

And that concludes the lesson on some technical terms.

Lesson 2 will be on chicken hauling don't be late. Meep Meep Varooom outta my way I gotta go go go.

Lord help me I think I've lost my mind

 

That's exactly how they taught me in class.

 

Please do not do that on your test. I do have respect for cdl testers they go though a lot and take a lot of flack that was simply done to lighten the mood and have some fun. The students, soon to be rookies will understand why I do this type of thing it lightens the mood and takes our mind of things. I prefer to laugh with other drivers as opposed to laughing at other drivers. Trucking is what you make it and this is how I have my fun and relieve stress. Now then like I said next lesson will be chicken haulin don't be late. If ya got a left lane truck that aint got its "nuts cut" throw her in the "big hole" and "hammer on it" lesson starts when my lazy butt finally get up tomorrow and checks this thread lol.

Have a good rest of the night drivers be safe out there!!! As for the students study hard and good luck on your tests!!!

 

Friend request sent. Yea it's been a long day already just seen the damage my other truck had done to it earlier this week. Gonna need a new fender body shops gonna charge me more to pound it out than to put a new fender on it and pounding it out ain't going to do me much good because it won't be right without a mound of bondo.

Anyway CHICKEN HAULING 101

Always Always Always enter the truck stop at no less than 25MPH hold that speed as you "Cruise" up and down the rows. And remember to ask the 3 most important questions when you roll in.
1. Does anybody know me?
2. Anybody got some "Help"
3. Where all the baby dolls at?
After cruising around and of course not parking and not logging any of it because you've got a coast to coast run and run coast to coast non stop leave the truck stop and get back on the highway. Get your butt out in that left lane and always remember if it wasn't for chicken trucks the left lane would rust. Remember that SWIFT drivers ain't real SWIFT, and keep in mind in order to be a chicken hauler you have to maintain at least a 60/40 split hammer lane to granny lane. You're in the left lane 60% of the time and you spend the other 40% of the time trying to get out there. Now then when you show up at the consignee with that load of hanging meat you loaded in your shiny hinny make sure you pull out your "2nd" log book for the unload don't mind the tickets that are still sitting in them or the residue from the help you used to get you there. You should be back on this book by now. After getting unloaded head back down to the nearest truck stop and get your wheels and tanks polished, and guzzle a little go go juice so you don't end up running out of fuel and then go find yourself a place to park in the "PARTY ROW" we don't park up front it's gotta be back where the excitement is. This will be one of the occasions where we have already run coast to coast non stop and we think we need a wee bit of shut eye before heading out again. Keep your Reefer and Mouth running the whole time in the truck stop and your kicker on high the entire time as well. Always Always Always leave your marker light lit and your truck running have to be the purtiest truck in the truck stop don't cha know. Although you had planned on sleeping when you got there be sure you're in the drivers seat all night clucking away on your radio with the 300+ watt kicker. This brings me to my next point on "sleeping" at truck stops when chicken hauling.
1. always park in the party row as previously stated
2. always park truck running marker lights lit, and reefer turned up
3. radio must always be blazing away on channel 19
4. accept any and all offers for commercial company
5. never shut your bumper off so somebody can back in
6. sentences must begin with "UH" and end with "come on bek."
Now that we've spent our night at the truckstop we gots us a load out. Be sure when loading your thermometer is firmly in hand and you pulp each case even though we're chicken haulers and run 150k rigs lit up like the 4th of july sky we don't need to lose no money because of a shipper. Be sure once everything is loaded in that stainless steel great dane with the thermo king on the front that the temp is set correctly don't want that little recorder saying we did something wrong now do we? Now that we're loaded up and got the doors shut it's time to boogie on down the road. After running about 900 miles and you see the sun rise you see a truckstop we need fuel again so it's time to pull in. But this ain't no ordinary truck stop this truckstop has a chrome shop and an Indian casino. This leads me to the last set of rules for this situation.
1.Pull in get fuel
2.Park in the party row
3.Visit the chrome shop we need MORE than 250 lights on our truck and trailer so it's time to add a few and we could use some more chrome
4.After visiting the chrome shop and spending an arm and a leg time to go try to win some money back at the indian casino. We'll probably lose are butts but that's alright the load should cover anything we lose...Oh great the load.
5.Before running back to the truck and putting all the pretty lights and chrome one be sure to visit the counter at the truckstop and get the powerball ticket. That's our retirement planning right there.

Now it's time to hit the road again and get that load delivered we wasted a good chunk of time so the speedometer cannot drop below 90. When you come up on that bullrack that's out there in the hammer lane hop on the radio kicker still on high and say "hey bullrack get out of my way" Now comes the drag race because chicken haulers and bull haulers always have to fight over who's got the fastest truck. Just flick that little splitter forward you should now be in the big hole and drop the hammer and fly right on by. After passing the bull rack it's getting late and we're still time crunched our delivery is in a town off a 2 lane highway so we get on the 2 lane and in the distance we see a train coming. How to handle trains
1.lay on your train horn hehe
2.watch train big hole his train as he thinks another train is coming at him head on
3.watch for 1 finger salute when they realize you're a trucker hehehe.
Now that we've had our fun with the dark sided railroad and scared the bejesus out of him time to get unloaded and head for home. After unloading and getting back to home make sure you back your truck and trailer next to your single wide trailer you live in. Get your lawn mower out bring it around to your bedroom window and start it walk inside, lay down open your window and go to sleep for 12 hours get up and do it all over again! Gotta keep that TRL "Tuff rooster look" going and the rubber chicken hangin out of the door. Not to mention the chrome rooster on the dash.

Oh hell I dun wasted 20 minutes typing this thing I'm gonna be late for my delivery meep meep outta my way guys I gotta go go go. It's time to go left lane trucking run like hell. Catch ya on the flip flop. Uh whatcha think come on bek?

Note: This was written for entertainment purposes only under no circumstances should this be attempted. "Chicken haulers" do not really act this way some of the stuff listed may apply at a given time however we do not act this way in real life. At all times make sure your tongue is firmly planted in your cheek and you're grinning from ear to ear while explaining the basics of chicken hauling. Take care out there ya'll be safe and have a good one. I'll catch ya'll on the flip flop. My truck's in the picture if you see it pull up at a truck stop you're at COFFEE'S ON ME THIS WEEK!!!