Coping with being away from your significant other

It was difficult at first. Probably more for her than me. After 2 years though, it's a lot easier. At first she'd be upset asking when I was coming home after 3 or 4 days. Now she asks when I'm going back to work after 3 or 4 minutes at home.

 

As it takes a certain personality to be an OTR trucker the same thing goes for the wife. It takes two special people to make it work. It's one of the main reasons for a high turnover rate.

 

First of all you need to make absolutely CERTAIN that your wife is on board with you going OTR. If she is just 'going along' with you for now, and you're still trying to convince her it's the best thing for you and your family, you will not last more than 3-6 months, tips. And by 'you', I mean either you and her, or you and OTR driving. Period.

Second, if either of you have any trust and/or jealousy issues, don't go OTR. (Voice of experience here, from both driving OTR, and from overseas deployments, with two different wives.)

IF your spouse is completely on board, and neither of you have trust/jealousy issues, then go for it. A couple words of advice, however: if you think you'll be home in two weeks, tell your wife three (crap happens, and your spouse would rather be pleasantly surprised that you're home early than get the phone call telling her you're going to be a few days late). Also, never EVER tell your wife about all the lot lizards you see roaming the truck stops. My wife knew about lot lizards but was not happy (at all) about hearing me tell her about them coming up to the truck when I spent a week in Oakland one night..

Leadfoot

 

From what I'm reading of your posts here, Moloko, it sounds to me like you and your wife should be able to make a "go" of this. She is both independent AND has a support group. Either one of these is a tremendous help, and with both of them, she is far luckier than most. It's still going to be tough on her, but it sounds like you actually have a plan. And when a couple is mature, and has a plan that they are willing to stick with, life becomes so much easier.

I got into OTR before cell phones were widely available. But I still talked with my wife every day on the phone. After I got the cell phone it was much easier. We actually went for almost six months one time, without seeing each other. We didn't like it, but we got through it.

Now since we were both "well seasoned,"we didn't have any kids at home. So when it worked out, we would meet somewhere, usually Las Vegas, but sometimes other places. It will work out for you, but you both have to be "creative" sometimes.

One thing that made a huge difference to my wife and I, is that we both trust each other, completely. Neither one of us is the type to "play the field," and we take our marriage vows very seriously. It is a third marriage for both of us, so we had pretty much made all the "normal mistakes," with our prior spouses.

 

I have an 18 month at home. I hate being away from him but what keeps me going is knowing its only temporary until I can land a local gig.

 

As someone who is new to this I can tell you from the wife perspective...it is hard! My husband left for school Feb 23 and he probably won't get to come home until sometime in may. He's with CR England and from what we understand Phase 2 could take up to 90 days.
I think it has been harder on us because 1. We are still newlyweds, pretty much. Been married 3 years this May and have only been away from each other once in our whole relationship and 2. CRE has not been anything like we thought. The website and recruiter made it out to seem like shorter training,etc.

The thought of just not knowing when he may be back is the hardest. We just can't stand the thought of not seeing each other for up to 3 months. I was fully supportive of him and OK with his decision. He had just lost his job and there wasn't any work. CRE seemed like his only option. He said from the time I met him he wanted to drive trucks so it seemed as good a time as any to start it.
We have no kids, just a lot of pets, and I am able to go to my parents when I get too lonely. I quickly realized how much harder it is to do everything by myself and it was especially hard on us because we had/have no money coming in, not until he gets paid(hopefully next week since they didn't even pay him this week) so I have had to ask my parents for help until he starts making money. It stresses me out when he tells me he ran out of money on the road and can't eat because then I have to find something else to sell or ask for more money. I am looking for a job so right now I'm pretty much bound to either the house or my parent's.
he has a cell phone so he calls at least once a day and we talk. I tell him about anything that happens and tell him I'm doing fine even when I had just been crying. I know if I tell him the truth he'll just want to come home and right now he's stuck on the road and he needs to stick it out until he gets his hard copy license in the mail here.

However hard it is, and it does get very hard and very stressful, I tell him I love him, that I miss him, but that I am very proud of him. I think we both look at it like it may stink right now but there are definitely better companies out there and he wants to do flatbed and we are looking into TMC now. The CDL itself opens many doors and once he has the experience with OTR he can do a local job if he doesn't like being gone. For us this is a necessity because there wasn't any work to be had and it pays good, plus it's something he enjoys.

 

Moloko most drivers can't cope with this and is the number one reason drivers quit within the first few months of driving. Trucking and families just don't mix! Not to mention, no matter how much you hear about these companies caring about your families lives and home time, fact is the don't!

I have been there and done that, missed my son growing up and cost me my first marriage. Those are times I will never, ever get back and all the money in the world isn't worth it! I strongly urge you to look into something else. There are too many other good careers you can get into besides truck driving in which you can be home for your family. I realize you are trying to provide for your family but in the grand scheme of things it ends up costing you your family!

6-8 weeks is a long time to be away from your family and its not just for one time, its trip after trip after trip with only usually 2-3 days in between runs! Unless you are solo or your spouse is with you it just isn't worth it.

A lot of newbies fork over or borrow $6000 for school just to get into this industry and ultimately they end up trapping themselves out there because now they not only have to support their families but they are on the hook for all that money.

Don't go into this with the hopes of becoming a local driver either. Your chances of becoming a local driver right off the bat are extremely rare, especially in this economy! Right now I have over 16 years of experience and have yet to find a decent paying local gig.

I'm not trying to sound negative only trying to save you lots of time and money. I can tell by what you have stated in your post that you are going to have a very tough time with this. Its all fun and flowers until about the second week of being out there when you realize you have a lot longer to go only to have a couple days off and have to do it all over again! This job is for a very unique individual and there is a reason for a 100% turnover rate!

 

You know you dont have to go otr right? Theres tons (yes I said it, tons) of other driving jobs whether it be local or regional (home weekly). With a newborn I guarantee you, you will not last one yr otr (nothing personal at all)

 

Thanks for your input guys. The goal is to get on with a regional company asap, and then a LTL or local company. My first job is just to give me the experience to drive by myself with a loaded trailer, et cetera...

I think we're going to be fine indefinitely until one of the better jobs comes through. She has the support of her whole family right nearby ... and she's definitely more independent than clingy.

I'm lucky enough that I didn't have to pay for my CDL and got a clean start at this. I'm gonna drive 11 western regional so it won't feel THAT far away.

 

We cope with our situation with daily communication (phone calls, texts, Skpe, etc.), trust, and the ability to be independent of one another. When he's on the road for a month or more, I use that time to take care of any/all things in/around the house so when we DO have time together, we can actually spend it together. It's not always roses - we do miss each other - but with the economy in the toilet and inflation on the rapid rise, you do what you have to do in order to put food on the table and pay the bills.

I will say this, though - truckers, their spouses/partners and their children are a tough breed and not everyone is cut out to fill those shoes.