define unreasonable ...

LMAO!!! Swift! I love how their company name says the OPPOSITE of what they really are. The trucks aren't "swift" by any means and neither are the drivers!

 

Easy, Minivans.

Since almost everybody is governing their trucks now, Swift isn't the slowest one on the road.

 

Anybody who splatters #### on the toilet seat (or anywhere OTHER than INSIDE the toilet bowl) should be dragged by his ear to his mother's house so she can teach him what she obviously failed to teach him to do properly when he was a toddler!! Maybe he needs a refresher course.

 

Driver, "But I'm still hungry, and the sign says ALL YOU CAN EAT."

Manager, "Yeah, but you see, I'm the manager here, and I'm bigger than you, besides I've got these six goons here to back me up. And I SAY THAT IS ALL YOU CAN EAT!"

See, that way the sign doesn't really lie. It IS all you can eat. . .

 

How about "all we're going to let you eat".

I'd use that in my ficticious restaurant.

 

In my imaginary restaurant, there will be just a regular "All you can eat" policy but the door to the building will only be 18" wide.

Maybe put the buffet on an elevated platform so you have to climb up 5 or 6 stairs to get to it.

Site the location on a hill, so the parking lot is 20 feet lower elevation than the building so the blubber-butts will be too lazy to bother with all those stairs. Make the wheelchair ramp like half a mile long, zig-zagging back and forth at only a 1% incline so it's too far for "Comic Book Store Guy" to waddle.

Make the vinyl booth seat cushion liners totally airtight, except with a pressure relief valve from an air compressor attached so once it reaches a certain pressure, it lets air out through a whoopi cushion hidden under the bench so it makes an embarrassing fart sound every time they plop themselves down on it, but doesn't do it when people under 250 lbs sits down.

Put slightly convex mirrors around the buffet so people appear wider than normal, but have curtains your employees can keep closed, covering the mirrors when there are no 400 pounders in there so it doesn't scare away ALL of your customers.

When the wide loads waddle in through the door, put an "out of order" sign on the diet pepsi/coke fountains.

Have your employees rehearse little fake conversations after hours, so when there's a beached whale cleaning out your entire inventory of fried shrimp, two of your employees can stand within eavesdropping distance of Shamu and talk about their "uncle Jim-bob" who had 5 heart attacks and is diabetic and his doctors say it was because he ate too much fried food and didn't get enough exercise.

Some blubber-butts are too big to fit in a booth, so have your chairs made out of spring steel so they flex when a heavy enough person plops down and scares the crap out of them, but won't collapse and cause a lawsuit.

 

Overheard from two buffet line workers...

"Did you get rid of all the meat like the boss told you?"

"Ummm..no?"

"DUDE, we have to get rid of the evidence before the police show up, or we'll be nailed for 'murder by bad food' by the cops!"

 

You got to watch the guy that shows up for the all you can eat carrying a blanket and pillow.

As long as you are there is the rules, right?

 

lol if you only make the door 18 inches wide they will be able to squeeze in.......then after eating 6,000 calories worth of general tzos chicken they will never be able to get out!! what a disaster that would be

and i can see some 500 pounder filing a lawsuit about the steps going up to the buffett platform......they would win and you would be required to build an elevator

or hell they would just pull up a chair to the buffett