Hemorrhoids

Get a lizard to massage it.

 

Hire a boxer to use it as a speed bag.

 

OMG...I'm on the floor like so: but you definitely don't want to do this with hemis:

 

Correct your diet, don't push too hard on the throne, and buy some baby wipes.

 

put some wart remover on it

 

Well, it gets kind of expensive. But I divorced both of mine!

 

I wonder if he'll change his handle every year for his birthday?

 

More cow bell?

 

Me,too. But dang if it wasn't worth it, brutha.

 

Some pretty funny answers so far, but I think you are looking for relief. Chinatown has the right idea. Get a LOT more plant fiber in your diet, raw fruits and vegetables.

That's a start. Someone mentioned thoroughly wiping your honey. That's also a good idea. "Clingons" can fester when you sit for hours.

Go to the pharmacy section of Walmart and find the adult diaper area. Buy a 96 pack of Assurance brand wipes. Use these for body baths when you can't get a shower and also use them after getting back from taking a dump to get your bottom CLEAN before sitting for hours. TP alone can't get it all, and especially if your suffering from hemorrhoids it hurts to use TP. Do the best you can with TP at the toilet and use the adult wipes in the privacy of your truck.