Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by Snazzy, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

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    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
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    Rikdev sees things looking up, Kenmar suggest snuggling with the Judge and Knife Edge is short on funds. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    I stood in line waiting for the phone, but before my turn came a Deputy began reading off names. Yep Black, myself and several others were cuffed together and led to the elevator. The Deputy led us to a large holding cell and slammed the door.

    Black rubbed his wrist, " I can't believe this ! We should be assigned bunks by now and issued our uniforms. My clothes stink and I need a shower ! "

    I grasped the bars, " Yeah I know, what you mean ! Hell, I've been locked up for three days now and not even given a phone call. ####, this sucks ! "

    So, we all stood there like Idiots and watched time stand still. Nope ! No phone, no showers and nowhere to bunk. We ended up sitting on the floor and making the best of it. I guess a good eight hours passed, before we were led to the mug and print room. I was surprised that Trustees took our photos and prints. Yep all the jailers did, was supervise and stand around. Finally we were placed in a pod, furnished with the works. You know, bunks, showers, and issued prison whites. Our street clothes were placed in paper sacks, with our names printed on the outside. To be honest, I was happy to shed my clown outfit. There was a pay phone on the wall that caught my eye. Yep, I'll just give Nick a shout and my troubles will be over with. I lifted the receiver and listened to the recording. Yep after the dial tone, I punched in the number. The phone did the dee, dee, dee, do, dee, dee, dee and I heard the following, " You've reached dial a prayer and welcome to our selection list. Press one, for Billy Ham reciting the Lord's Prayer. Two, to hear the Reverend Sharp Tongue... Yep I figured that, I must have dialed it wrong. So, I hung up and tried again. Nope ! Same dial a prayer and no Nick on the line.

    Black had to ask, " What's wrong, Barn ? "

    I sighed, " I don't believe this ! I was trying to call someone and their number has been changed. "

    Black shrugged, " Just call one of them Bonding Companies ! The list is right there on the wall ! "

    So, I fingered the list and began calling each one. Nope, nope and nope ! You see, my problem was this. None of the Bonding companies would make my bail, because they required a $100 fee. Well, I only had about $ 36.00 and some change in my property. Now, they did offer to work with me. Yep, all I needed was someone to bring the $ 100.00 to the courthouse. Well, I tried calling Capt Hook and that didn't work. Nope, there was no answer and no recording to leave a message. What a deal ! My brain hurt and my mind voices were hoarse. You know, I was just plume wore out and ready to throw in the towel.

    The Deputy barked, " When I call your name, form a single line and no talking. Goose ! Black ! O' Henry ! Bell ! Tits ! .. Tits ! Danny Tits ! Ya'll quit laughing and Tits get in line ! Davis ! Gomez ! Smith ! Etc, etc, etc, "

    So, we were cuffed together and led to the bus. Yep, back down in the basement parking garage and away we went. It was pitch black outside and the bus ride didn't last long. It was kind of nice to smell diesel fumes and see a change of scenery. We hit the freeway, took an exit and made two rights. A huge gate opened and the bus parked, next to the entrance. It was an older brick warehouse, with fenced in barbwire, complete with guard towers. An older Deputy greeted us, as we stepped down.

    He spoke with authority, " I'm Sargent Fatso and your at the Lou Stare It Kitchen Facility ! You've all been made trustees and will work preparing meals and cleaning chores. If you want to escape go ahead, but you'll get ten years added on, with no good time ! Now, let's get you men settled in and taken care of. Your first shift starts, in less than an hour and we don't have much time. Follow that Deputy and good luck ! "

    So, we marched down the hallway and got our eyes full. Yep, nothing but rows and rows of fenced in cages. Yep, people stacked up like cord wood, with some sleeping on the floor. Our cell was at the very end and was half filled to capacity. You know, the 30' X 30' cage, had 20 bunk beds and 20 inmates inside. Well, that left 20 vacant upper bunks and one of them was mine. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
     
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  3. Ken

    Ken Couch Commander

    1,768
    11,941
    Oct 29, 2006
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    Sounds like they're doing the Barney Shuffle...
     
  4. simplyred1962

    simplyred1962 Betty Boop, One Bodacious Babe!!!

    Boy-oboy!!! I'm miss a few weeks, of ol Barn, and I'm lost-lost-lost!! Just as lost as ol Goose is, apparently!!!

    SHEESH! Hope ol' Barn finds his way outta THIS one!!!
     
  5. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

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    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
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    Glad to see Simplyred is still with us, even if she's lost. Yep Kenmar, the Barney Shuffle, as Life Goes On.

    We were handed empty milk crates and our bedding. You know, those plastic boxes to put our stuff in, along with sheets, blanket and pillow. My top bunk was in the center of the cage and directly below a large vent. Black got the top bunk next to mine and the noise was deafening. You know, a thousand voices all speaking at once and the several tv sets on high volume. Yep, each cage had their own set, but none were on the same channel. I made my bed and climbed ontop. Yep, it looked and smelled like a zoo. What a deal ! There were a couple of metal tables, located close to the exit. You know, by the swinging door and just inside our cage. Most of the inmates were huddled around it and slamming down dominoes. I sat up and gandered around to evaluate my situation. Let's see, seems like everyone is getting along and they sure like their dominoes. That must be the guards desk, over there in the hall. Dang, there must be twenty cages in here and with forty inmates each. That makes ? Hell, 800 ! No, that can't be right ! Let's see, 20 X 40 = carry the 0, yeah that's 800 alright !

    Black looked up, " What are you doing, Barn ? "

    I lied, " Oh, nothen ! Did you get squared away ? "

    Black lit up, " No, I'll make my bed later ! Do you want a hit ? "

    My black eyes bulged out, " Where did you get that at ? I haven't had a smoke, since I was arrested ! "

    Black passed it over, " They say, we can get commissary in here and we're allowed to smoke. Man, that does hit the spot ! "

    I held the smoke in, " SWEET ! Uh, that's good ! Man, I need to get out of here and .... "

    Black took a puff, " There's a phone back in the corner, but it's not working. I wonder, where the kitchen is at ? This place, sure is noisy ! "

    So, we blew smoke and chatted for awhile, before the door swung open and our names were called. Yep, the whole cage was marched down the hall and towards the back of the warehouse. We exited a metal door, went down some steps and crossed the parking lot. The second warehouse had a loading dock, with overhead doors. We marched inside and stood facing several large laundry hampers. You know, the type on wheels that hospital's use. Inside were aprons, boots, hair nets, paper hats and latex gloves. What a deal !

    The Sgt pointed, " Take one of each and get yourselves ready ! When I call your name, line up over here and don't take all day ! "

    So, we did as instructed and were marched on back. Yep, it was the largest kitchen that I'd ever seen. Yep, there were industrial mixers, huge ovens, a freezer, as big as Texas, vats, cats, brats and .. Well, you know ! Yep, I was impressed. Anyway, right in the middle were two assembly lines. We were divided into groups and assigned our duties. I got stuck at the end of the line and had to stack trays. You see, at the start of the line an inmate slammed down the trays. These were special trays that had dividers. You know, a place for mashed potatoes, creamed corn, peas and what Knots. Anyway, the next inmate spooned in his slop. Then, as tray moved down the line, the next prisoner added his part. Yep, there was an inmate for every item and an item for every inmate. The lucky ones were assigned keeping the line supplied. Yep, all they did was roll the crap from the cooking area. Anyway, it was a pretty good setup and food sure got moved in a hurry. Yep, I had trouble keeping up and was doing my best. Of course, working with sore ribs, black eyes and a fat lip didn't help any. There were huge metal shelves on wheels and my mission was to stack the trays on them. Yep, it was like Lucy at the candy factory, but what the heck. I mean, it helped pass the time and what else did I have to do ? The Foreman was a black woman, middle aged, heavy set and looked like Ain't You Mama. She was a civilian employee and wore street clothes. Her assistant was a short, slim, young, Hispanic female, that acted a bit nervous. Yep I bet, she's new and learning on the job. Anyway, I had my hands full, but didn't want to let on. You know, have the others think that I couldn't keep up. Nope ! I'd show them how to sling the slop, or my name isn't Barney Goose. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
     
  6. rikdev50s

    rikdev50s Medium Load Member

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    Aug 12, 2008
    Greer, SC
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    I would wonder why the newbie gets the kitchen work, must be a bad job... is this going to be a rerun of I Love Barney / Lucy? LMAO
     
  7. Knife Edge

    Knife Edge Heavy Load Member

    Oh I guess there is no phone ........ instead of ET call home its BG call home ....... hummmmmm I will wait for the next exciting run down ..........
     
  8. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    578
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    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    0
    Rikdev wonders why New Bees get the kitchen work and Knife Edge is waiting for the next episode. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    The trays sped towards me and never letup, as I went into warp speed. Yep, all you could see was elbow and a_holes. Sweat poured down my face and my prison whites stuck to me. The fast pace and heated working conditions took their toll on me, but I continued to fight. A Young Black guy, who was stacking trays on the other line. You know, the food line next to mine wasn't having any trouble keeping up.

    He pointed, " Hey Pops, don't face the trays ! Stand to the side and grab them like this ! You see, how I'm doing it ? It makes it a lot easier ! "

    I glanced his way, " Oh, I see ! Yeah, this is easier ! Man, when do we get a break here ? I'm plume wore out ! "

    Young Black cheesed, " Break ! What the hell is that ? We don't get no breaks and do this, until we're done. "

    The Supervisor waddled over, " You need to speed it up and quit running your mouth. We're behind schedule and need to catchup. Oh I didn't see, that your injured. You need to see the nurse and have that looked after. "

    I downplayed it, " I'm alright and don't worry about me ! I can keep up, once I get the hang of it ! "

    The Supervisor took my tray, " No, you go ahead and have that looked at ! I'll take your place, but hurry back. Was it a car accident ? "

    I grinned, " Yeah a size 12, kick and run ! "

    So, I limped towards the office area and stood there a minute. I could see the higher ups, behind the office glass and sitting at their desk. A Uniformed Lieutenant spotted me and motioned me in.

    I entered, " Sorry to bother you, but that Supervisor sent me over here. She says, that I need to see the nurse. "

    The Lt handed me a clipboard, " Fill this out and bring it back. There's a break room next door, you can use it ! "

    So, I limped next door and took a seat. Yep it was break room alright, with tables and chairs, a few vending machines, with a phone on the wall. What a deal ! Yep I eased over, picked up the receiver and the dial tone was music to my ears. Well just as I began to press numbers in, she entered and caught me in the act. Yep it was the young Mexican Girl, who was the Supervisor's Assistant. She acted startled and gave me the Look, " What are you doing in here, by yourself ? Your not allowed to use that phone ! "

    I lied, " I'm not using it ! It rang and I picked it up ! I guess they hung up, because no one said anything. "

    She barked, " Well hang it up and you'll need to come with me ! "

    I protested, " That Lt told me to fill this out and he's the one who sent me back here ! Your Supervisor wants me to see the Nurse ! "

    She pointed, " Alright, sit down and I'll call over there. I'm just doing my job and that's all ! They make all these rules and none of them follow them. "

    I sat down, " I know, what your saying ! I use to be a cop and I bet, half the Officers there didn't even know the department rules. Yep it's funny, how folks pick and choose, what rules apply and who too. "

    She was all ears, " Where were you a cop at ? "

    I lit a 100, " It was a long time ago and I worked for Idiot Village. "

    She lit up, " I know, where that's at ! Why did you leave there ? "

    I licked the pencil, " It's a long story, but mostly I was burned out and just wised up. All cops are today, are puppets for the Insurance Companies and Big Business interest. Their out there to raise revenue and screw over the public. Protect and to serve, doesn't mean a #### thing anymore ! "

    She blew smoke, " I always wanted to be an Officer, but they won't hire me, because I don't have a degree. I enrolled at a junior college and take night classes now. I figured, working here might help gain me some experience. "

    I blew smoke, " It will and if you really want it bad enough, anything is possible. You wouldn't believe, what I went through to be a cop ! "

    So, we sat there and got to know one another. She was a real nice girl, but seemed to have cop fever. You know like I had, back when I was her age. Yep, that's all she talked about and I let her go on. You know, just let her ramble, as I nodded in agreement. Anyway, I filled out the form and the nurse arrived. She was an older black woman, heavy set, dressed in a nurse's uniform, and pushing a medical cart.

    She introduced herself, " I'm nurse Who Cares and what's your problem ? "

    I remained seated, " The Supervisor here wanted me checked out. "

    Who Cares read my chart, " You put down that your ribs are sore and that you've had blurred vision. Follow my pen, with your eyes and hold your head still. Uh huh, uh huh, now let me put this on and check your blood pressure. Uh huh, uh huh, remove your pants and bend over. That's it ! Now cough, again, one more time ! Have you been passing any blood ? "

    I pulled my pants up, " Yeah I did a few days ago, but haven't lately. "

    She scribbled on my chart, " Well, take two of these and I'll put you on light duty. Who is your next of kin ? "

    I caught that, " My next of kin ? What for ? "

    She rolled the cart away, " No reason ! Wish you well and take care ! "

    So, she pushed the Yugo cart down the hall and left me there with the want to bee cop. Oh she was alright, but enough already ! I mean, there I was half dead and doing time. Yep all I needed was someone whining, about becoming a cop and ... Well you know, what I mean ! Anyway, I swallowed the two aspirins and got my ears full. Finally she wound down and escorted me back. Yep that tray stacking didn't look half bad, by then and I was ready to get after it.

    The Supervisor stopped me, " I got him to take your place and the nurse said, that your on light duty. Here, I want you go supervise the freezer and my assistant can show you, what to do. "

    So, me and Want To Bee headed for the freezer. Yep, there were a dozen hard core inmates all standing around, with their thumbs up their butts.

    Want to Bee broke the news, " This man here will be your supervisor ! Ya'll need to listen to him and do what he says ! It's Goose, isn't it ? "

    I nodded, " Goose, Barney Goose ! "

    So the cut throat gang, gave me the go to hell look and didn't seem happy about my promotion. Of course I wasn't either, but hey ! We had a job to do and it needed to get done. Hell, I've had worse jobs than this and why not, do it right ! Yep, I'll whip them in shape and show them, how team work, determination and good work ethics, go a long way. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
     
  9. rikdev50s

    rikdev50s Medium Load Member

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    Aug 12, 2008
    Greer, SC
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    LMAO Hummm I'm thinkin' Barney has forgot where he is... good work ethic, in prison? If they had one to start with they might not be there... But OH I forgot this is Barney, he does have one so he thinks everyone else should to... I'm with Ya on that one... So You get them boys whipped into shape, and they may never let you out...
     
  10. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

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    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    0
    Rikdev50 thinks that Barney might have forgotten where he's at. Let's see as, Life Goes On.

    The freezer was a large walk in type that had a thick metal door. The inmates were leaning against pallets and standing around. The door was open and a cloud of cold air spilled out. After my introduction Want To Bee Cop turned on her heels and wiggled away. She had handed me a clipboard, with the things to do list. The Cut Throat Gang ignored my presence and continued loafing, as I read over it. Yep, the list was long and kind of Greek to me. It was a computer printout that listed, what needed to be supplied. You know, to the kitchen and food lines. Everything was abbreviated and had product numbers listed. Yep, it took me a minute to figure it out, but hell. I was new on the job and hadn't had any on the job training. I snuck a peek at my coworkers, but was careful not to gawk. You know, just to get an idea of what they looked like and size them up. Let's see, must be a dozen of them, mostly young, some black, a few white and a couple of Hispanics. What a deal !

    I cleared my throat, " Hey Guys, listen up ! We need to get going here ! Which ones of you pull orders and who mans the pallet jacks ? "

    Gold Teeth sneered, " Screw that ! We don't have to listen to you ! "

    I grinned, " No, you sure don't ! I'll go tell that Supervisor and let her do this. It's no skin off my beak and nothing to me ! "

    Butcher Knife spat, " Looks like someone already skinned that beak of yours ! "

    I rubbed my nose, " Yeah, you should see the five cops it took to do it ! "

    Tattoo Neck was impressed, " The cops did that to you ? "

    So, I fudged a little and lied a lot, about how those wounds happened to me. Oh for the most part I told it like it was, but added a couple of things and tried to make it interesting. Yep, the Cut Throat Gang nodded in agreement and a few, told war stories of their own. As we were getting to know each other and breaking the ice, I sized them up. Gold Teeth couldn't of been 18 years old, 100lbs soaking wet and had a mouth full of dope dealing gold. Butcher Knife was in his early 20's, a husky fella and blacker than the ace of spades. The Knife he carried was county issued and was suppose to slice open boxes. Tattoo Neck was in his late 20's and paler than paper. His Neck art displayed a cross bone skull, with SS on the other side. Yep, this was one heck of a Motley Crew and one for the books. Anyway, after we bonded I got down to business.

    I pointed, " Let' go ahead and pull this order, before we get behind. Now, I noticed that freezer is sure in a mess. Why don't we re-stack some of this stuff and get things organized ! "

    So, some of the inmates began stirring around and actually doing some work. Of course, I didn't stand there overseeing them and did my part. It didn't take long, before things began shaping up. You know, the orders getting pulled, pallet jacks rolling and time passing by. Yep time stands still, when nothing gets done, but it flies by, when your busy as a bee. What a deal ! Now,there were still a couple of loafers and hardcore do nothens, but hey ! There's always going to be ! You know, folks who won't pull their weight or give a ####. Well, that's their problem and more power to them. I mean, we were in jail, not in the Olympics. Anyway, I was satisfied how things worked out and happy when the shift ended. Yep, give me a few more days and I'll have this place in tiptop shape. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
     
  11. rikdev50s

    rikdev50s Medium Load Member

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    Aug 12, 2008
    Greer, SC
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    Look like the beating Barney took is good for something... Next he will have them whistling while they work. More power to ya Barney!
     
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