Schneider alcohol test

Do you know the difference between an alcoholic and a drug addict?
An alcoholic will steal your wallet.
A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it!

 

Every year during my eight years in the Marine Corps, I had to have a flight physical. Went something like this:

“Turn your head and cough while I check you for a hernia. Now, I’ll examine you for testicular cancer. Okay, now turn around, bend over and I’ll check your prostate.”

I always suspected the Navy pecker-checkers were gay, but I wasn’t 100% sure until my last physical when the flight surgeon exclaimed “Ooo, a true redhead” when I dropped trou.

Years later, my family doctor—also a retired Navy doctor—was playing with my junk, and he said I had a small inguinal hernia. Well, I’ll be darn! The hernia check was a real thing! It wasn’t just a gay excuse to gather stuff for their highlight reel.

I asked him, what about the prostate? He said, oh, there’s a blood test for that. WTH? Okay, so at least he wasn’t gay.

So, I had the hernia mesh surgery. Out-patient. No biggie, except 12 years later Cypress Truck Lines sent me home on day two of orientation because of it.

But I’m not bitter.

 

My Air Force discharge physical was done by a VERY young female flight surgeon (MD, not a PA or NP). The previous comment reminded me of that day. I will say she was thorough and checked off every item on that list!