Texas Gov. Rick Perry

AUSTIN, TEXAS (The Global Times) — Texas Gov. Rick Perry has denied a turkey’s last-minute pardon, long considered a perennial holiday event. The turkey was scheduled for a Thanksgiving reprieve, but Perry’s refusal marks an abrupt end to the largely ceremonial appeal.
“I just wasn’t convinced he was innocent,” said Perry, referring to some sort of avian judicial system of which he is apparently the arbiter. Beyond simply refusing to grant a novelty pardon, Perry is now pushing for an expedited death sentence.
Despite a long tradition of pardons for turkeys at Thanksgiving, the governor rejected the light-hearted notion at a public ceremony held Monday on the south lawn of the Texas State Capitol building. With a crowd gathered for what was expected to be a family-friendly event, Perry announced his decision to withhold a pardon and impose the death penalty on the turkey, named Tommy, who was raised on a nearby Austin farm.
“There were kids there, for God’s sake,” said Jessica Trueax, a local ranch hand who attended the event. “They were bawling and bawling. One little boy who was sobbing pleaded, ‘Please, Mr. Perry, don’t kill Tommy Turkey,’ but the governor just stared at him, scowling, like that kid’s tears absolutely disgusted him to his core.”
Although Trueax told the governor she would gladly let Tommy live on her farm – not to mention that the pardon itself is really just a formality meant to garner some favorable media coverage – Perry insisted that the turkey be executed.