Things every driver must do once

Cross a small wooden bridge in Boring maryland with a loaded tanker. Check tiny sign at foot of this 4 ton bridge to ensure your tractor is less than the fire department weight limits in the fine fine print at the bottom of that sign.

Bounce slowly across this bridge.

Do it again tomorrow. And a prayer.

Recieve directions to a Nursery in Fallston maryland.

Come off the fine smooth I-95, hop onto a divided 4 lane highway, turn left into a state two laner. Turn left again onto a unpainted one laner, then turn one more time onto a dirt path that goes into the woods. Follow the woods as far back you can go. When your wheels start spinning on wet grass (From the spraying irrigation...) you have arrived.

Police Chief standing on fuel tank, sputting gibberish and bad words one syllable asking you if you know what red means? You say Sure, it means stop. Chief explodes and threatens your professional future with a stack of tickets and your very freedom plus sale and barter of your children and thier labors for generations to come because you. did. not. stop. right in the middle of the divided three lane highway filled with cars when he told you to. (Now who is stupid???)

Memphis dispatcher "I don't know how to answer that question, call Dallas ST (FFE)" Called Dallas. Gave unit number. "I dont know the answer to your question... please hold";'; (Oh good, someone in Lancaster will help me now.)

HELLO!? Phone squeaks HELLO and you are hearing HELLO in the other ear from 10 feet away, you say HELLO!? Dispatcher looks at you as if you grew a second head or something. (Dallas had routed you back to Memphis dispatch... while you are standing in the same room)

Pretty girl hands you coffee in Gateway at St Louis. That will be 60 dollars for 20 minutes of our time please. Spill coffee in surprise on pretty girl... endure the teasing and commotion as other drivers in the entire building picks up the situation, twists it beyond all reason and all start laughing at you two.

It's not often we got laughed out of a truckstop... I can hear that even today...

Here is my favorite for last.

Sitting next to trailer in Guiness Ale in Rochester NY. Listening to little Leprachun ranting about the evils of British Occupation of North Ireland. You have now been educated on the Irish problem in modern times while you wait to be loaded.

Like it or not, the Public schools are inadequate. But a education you shall recieve....

 

Running out of fuel in downtown usa. That ain't gonna happen again.

 

Oh yes, Oh lordy.

Here is another.

Spouse wakes you up. Says someone needs to see me.

Walk into a shack and be confronted with a Louisana Scale Master, all 400 pounds of him. Asked me one question, I failed to train my spouse, why has she not been able to get on MY scale correct?

Crickets...

There isnt anything you can babble in defense. Just take the pain and get on down the road.

Another favorite. For those of you with spouses that team...

BAM BAM BAM on sleeper, YES YOUSE< GET THAT BIG *&^%$ off my property. Fall out of bunk spouse has managed to wedge your tractor and trailer into a tiny tiny food truck lot corner between two buildings and a set of car gas pumps because she was hungry for some burritos or something right then. And half your trailer is stacking a honking traffic around behind it with a increasing number of new yorkers saying HEY!! YOUSE.... Mob scene.

I have managed thus far to get out of those kinds of tight spots, after buying a round of food.

Aint hit anything yet. Bawl out spouse. She says sorry wont do that again.

Next day BAM BAM BAM,.. this time in Louisiana again.. Cajun Food Shack... Oh boy here we go...

 

Get out at a brake check to thump your tires and whilst having a whiz between truck and trailer, have to jump out of the way with your bird hanging out, immediately slipping and landing on your ###, and watch your truck (that decided it was too slick to stay put) slide down the hill in slow motion and come to a stop in a nearby snowbank 100 feet ahead

 

You win !!! Lmao

 

Lost traction up a hill on loose gravel road once the only direction i could go was backwards. The truck had no diff locks which didn't help so the thing just sat there spinning, was driving a tanker and all the liquid had run backwards which lost traction on the drive axles.

 

You're outside fueling your truck, and notice the truck starts to slowly slide backwards down the slight incline leading into the pumps from the street (Post Falls, ID, J)

 

I've slid backwards down hill twice , I don't recommend it .
By the good lords grace I didn't wreck anything either time .
That's the stuff of nightmares

 

Back in the good ole days when truck drivers died of old age in they're 40s I came into a truck stop in little rock very sleep deprived for nap .
As I sat in the seat about to take my steering wheel nap the truck next to me started pulling out ...normal ....except in my condition I thought I was rolling backwards and about put the brake pedal thru the firewall .
I went to bed after that .

 

Ya,one time my "Large Beer Gut" or Molsen Muscle.. Im not sure of correct Nomenclature...hit the Air Horn ,while trying to slide outta the truck at Love's. Driver next to me says"Oh,I Thought I was the Only one that done that, Lol.I said "Ya,Theyre tryin to keep us Skinny,looks like.