Unique position in life

I'll try to sum up, or I'll spend an hour typing and editing this out. (as i'm typing the post, it already is)

I'm in approaching my mid 40s and have never had a job, due to getting on SSDI (social security disability) at 18 from the many problems I had in childhood. 10 years of mental health records can do that. At 17, I had already refused to be a guinea pig for quack doctors putting me on all kinds of crazy drugs, and I do better unmedicated. (I have tried seeing Drs for meds a few times as an adult, they either do nothing to make me sleep 18 hours a day.) I never had a proper diagnosis (turns out it's autism, and maybe ADHD was right, but I'm not bipolar) so I never got any sort of proper therapy as a kid. Since autism is developmental... yeah I am a bit messed up now and there's no way out there to help high functioning adults with autism.

The best way to describe me? A misanthropic introvert. I thrive on being alone, not having to deal with people face to face constantly. That's why I had such problems as a kid. You have to go to school and deal with so many stupid people constantly for 7-8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I just can't deal with that.

Being on SSDI, I realized 8 years ago to quit trying to live "normally", I gave up a nice subsidized apartment in a pretty expensive part of the country in a nice neighborhood and went to live on the road in a vehicle. I have been loving it, with only a few breaks to stay at my mom's house (longest was about 10 months in 2020 during early covid). I'm here again to help her with medical appointments and fixing her old broken down neglected car. She's on SSDI too, and is in her early 70s with bad enough mental and physical health problems that she can't work ever again.

Due to the crap going on in DC I'm fearful for what's going to happen to SSA in the next few months. They are not being shy about their thoughts and intentions. (not trying to turn this political, just expressing my thought process). I am not only worried about myself if the checks stop, but also for my mom. I have one older brother that isn't rich, he can't financially support her. His wife is sickly and they one minor teenager still in the house. So, it's gonna fall on my shoulders to support myself and mom. I need to get ahead of this, before the checks stop coming because yes, there is a real threat. I have enough money in savings to get us by for 3-4 months but after that, I'd be living on a credit card with no income to pay it. And she'd have nothing. Well she proclaims proudly that she has 700 in savings, even though that wouldn't get her through 1 month by herself without my savings too. So maybe we'd have 5 months at the very most, with her savings too.

So, I'm looking at CDL. More specifically, OTR. I have no wife, no kids, no house. I don't have any need to "be home" often because my mom is a big introvert too and kinda wants (or at least wishes) me gone, despite my help, that she knows she needs. I just have a dog that I have had since mid 2016. She loves to travel and is the best dog ever. Doesn't chew stuff up, very well behaved, friendly, etc. And being a diehard introvert who has already been living on the road for 8 years, I am used to being by myself, living in a very small space. So yeah, OTR sounds good to me.

I tried emailing a recruiter at Swift for the in house training... and I probably got blacklisted for sending a story that was roughly the same as I'm telling here, because the marketing emails stopped and I got no call. In hindsight, maybe I divulged too much info.

Well, now I'm looking into attending a community college 30 miles away, because they do all CDL schooling in-house. They even have a gravel lot for the truck training portion. The local community college a few miles away (in a different state) outsources their CDL schooling to a private company, that has nothing but bad reviews. I should quality for all the financial assistance, so it should be almost nothing out of pocket. I might even get a transportation allowance (gas). The college is VERY limited space though, 4 students per monthly class. I might be on the waiting list for a while. They were closed Wed, Thr, Fri this week for spring break, right when I decided to try to reach out on Thursday, after discovering they existed. So, I'm waiting for Monday to come, so hopefully speak to someone.

The CDL school will be a gauntlet run for me, but at least it's a tiny class with just 1 teacher. It won't be as overwhelming for me, like it would be with a dozen or two people and several teachers. I can return to my dog nightly for the month or so while I'm in CDL school. I already have a used copy of a current edition CDL study book on the way to me (Mon or Tue) from an ebay seller, for extra learning material in the meantime. I really have nothing to lose by trying. My mom will have to look after my dog for a month though, if I have to go away during OTR mentoring, if I end up with a mega. That would also be a miserable month probably. I'll just have to keep my mouth shut to the mentor as far as chitchat, so I don't say accidentally something that's misconstrued as rude... because evidentially I do that sometimes without meaning to.

The college says the offer job placement, but I wonder how that will go

- Mid 40s
- No work history, only a history of being on disability
- Socially awkward

But I can pass drug tests and have a spotless driving record, so maybe that counts for something?

I just know I need to do something to prepare myself for enough money to support me and my mom, and this seems like the best option. It's fast, it suits my existing lifestyle, so yeah. Maybe OTR isn't the greatest, but I'm just not built for heavy manual labor (dock work, beverage trucking, food service, heck even flatbed might be too much). I'd be looking for no-touch OTR. I'm a beanpole, always have been. The men in my family are all like that. Plus I'm middle aged, not 21. I know my physical limitations.

My mom can look after my dog while I have to be away for the month or so doing the OTR mentor part, so I don't have to worry about that at least. That's assuming I even have to go with the OTR route. Maybe I can get on something van/reefer that's no-touch and more local/regional, but that seems like wishful thinking. Everyone else is gonna want the same thing.

And hopefully the SSDI checks don't stop, so that she won't need my help, and I can start stashing away at least 50% of my CDL job money (yeah, crappy beginner pay) in savings, because I live very cheaply and have very few bills. I need to check into it, but I might be able to keep getting SSDI paid also for the first 9 months, aka trial work period. And there's safety nets to fall back into if you suddenly can't work during the following few years, where you can get rapid reinstatement of benefits (the check). Medicare lets you keep it for something like 8 extra years too, if so desired.

I figure it this way.. what have I got to lose by trying? If I try the class and fail, well that just reinforces my disability case, I suppose. If I try and pass, and try working and fail, again it reinforces my disability case. But if I pass, get a job, and thrive, well..... I'm better off.

I have far more to lose if I don't try and the SSDI checks stop.

Thoughts?

 

Musk calls it the biggest ponzi scheme ever. He is slashing the workforce by 12% (that is already overworked, understaffed) and is closing dozens of field offices, so that it's harder to access. You can't walk in to SSA anymore, you must have an appointment. It didn't used to be that way. Also talk of outsourcing the phone lines too. India, probably.

The commerce secretary has openly talked about how recipients won't care if SSA skips payments; and anyone who complains are "fraudsters". His words, not mine.

It's as plain as the nose on your face. They're not hiding their intentions. It's on video. They're saying it publicly as a way to prepare people for it, normalizing the idea ahead of time. It's been a goal (for both parties) for over 40 years.

 

I can provide evidence to everything I said, shy of the phone outsourcing rumor. I'm sorry that you're in denial. By all means, don't take my word for it. You can easily find the evidence for yourself.