What if it Snows?

Blu_Ogre · Feb 24, 2021

Bill51 said: ↑

I think I'm going to create a kid's chemistry set to sell to the general public.
I'll call it Wuhan Labs.
There will be vials of different colored water labeled Cholera, SARS, Typhoid etc.
The kids will love it.
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If only Think Geek was still a thing......

Dave_in_AZ · Feb 25, 2021

The OM is waiting for me to give her, her shot.

Now typically the first one when we get on the truck, or when we get home, is a full on fiasco.

But I did tonight's so smooth, she doesn't know I already did it.

HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA

I also pray a lot.

Opus · Feb 25, 2021

77fib77 said: ↑

What's in the cup?
Click to expand...

101

Opus · Feb 25, 2021

Dave_in_AZ said: ↑

The OM is waiting for me to give her, her shot.

Now typically the first one when we get on the truck, or when we get home, is a full on fiasco.

But I did tonight's so smooth, she doesn't know I already did it.

HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA

I also pray a lot.
Click to expand...

You're up early.

InTooDeep · Feb 25, 2021

Cowboyrich said: ↑

Bad language. Read at you own discretion.
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.

The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.

If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny.... and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 ft. into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of #### lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together. It was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But Dad always had those piece of #### chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'####!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.. He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a ######## now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
Click to expand...

Lmao post of the week

SoulScream84 · Feb 25, 2021

Little on the tired side, but backed into the dock for receiver in Boise. It only took 25.5 hours from check-in to check-out at my shipper.

SoulScream84 · Feb 25, 2021

okiedokie said: ↑

View attachment 362728
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lovesthedrive · Feb 25, 2021

InTooDeep said: ↑

Lmao post of the week
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It has been posted a few times that I have seen. It isnt the first nor will it be the last. I think Big Don posted it in Hijackers thread. I also remember it showing up in the joke section. In a couple of years it will move to another part of the forum and get reposted there.

Bill51 · Feb 25, 2021

Opus said: ↑

Sorta. But not really. Idea is the same
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Jenn72 · Feb 25, 2021

SoulScream84 said: ↑

It's funny that in the United States those individuals are the ones with the freetime to learn those skills. It's also interesting to me that you're seeing some people wanting to learn anachronistic skills like woodworking and metalworking using older methods. I've toyed with the woodworking myself, and hoping to get into some basic metal workings eventually. Just have to hope "Forged in Fire" lasts a few more years lol.
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When my children were younger & I was in the Navy, I would have to pull duty one weekend a month in the shop (I was an AM, Aviation Structural Mech) I would bring my kids. (Dual military, husband deployed, '80-'90's) My kids learned how to metal work (brake, paint, rivet, weld & fiberglass) A friend that was a MM taught them how to use the lathe.

At 18 one son decided to do wood work. He got hired on by a company that builds custom built log homes & cabins by hand. He learned how to hand hewn and all of the tools of that trade. At 21 he left and got his CDL. After 1 yr he went back to the same company. He now is a foreman at the job & also drives the truck when needed to worksites.

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